Avoiding responsibilities

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Phantompoint, Nov 26, 2018.

  1. Phantompoint

    Phantompoint Fapstronaut

    Call me a loser if you will.

    I have a long history of fapping, maybe not as long as people in their 30s or above, but I started a lot younger than other people. My first porn encounter was back in the 4th year of elementary school, around 9 to 10 years old. Someone came to me and told me a website that I should visit and I did. I remember seeing a tag asking if I was 18 with naked females on the sides of the screen. I screamed out loud and closed the window quickly. But curiosity caught me and I revisited the site. Courage held my right hand with my index clicking on the 'YES' onscreen button. I remember fantasising my female classmates and daydreaming all day long without paying attention during classes. I learned how to masturbate two years later, which marks the start of my 14 years of PMO history.

    I share a lot of side effects of extensive porn use and I am not going to repeat all of them. But I think what hurts my life and career the most is the lack of confidence and being very unwilling when it comes to responsibilities. I see many sources and posts claiming the former but feels like the latter is often omitted. I have several occasions where the lack of will to take responsibility have ruined my chance of success. I would like to share a few of them and I hope I would be more confident when facing similar situations.

    The first case concerns dating. I don't know if you guys have these kind of selfish thoughts or it's just me. I really want to have sex with a girl but I don't want to build a relationship with her. This is fine when you are a pick up artist and your targets consist of sluts and whores that are also looking for loveless sex. The problem is, I am not a pick up artist myself and I am no where close to good looking. Sometimes I am just very lucky to develop affection with an average looking good girl whom are very likely to still be a virgin at the age of 21. These kind of girls often holds very little experience with love and at the same time very serious about relationships. Believe it or not, I had been on bed naked with a girl, making out with her without sex. This has happened at least 3 to 4 times, but I always end up not having sex with her. She might give me a blow job or a hand job and that's it. I remember one of the girls told me, 'if you are not going to be my boyfriend, you ain't getting in there', and another girl, 'don't think about fxxking me, I don't feel like letting you'. I don't know was it because of my conscience or I was too afraid. I think my problem was I made myself too clear explicitly or implicitly when it comes to relationships, I am not ready to have any serious relationships. I want sex but I don't want the burden that comes with it. A very selfish thinking. I don't want to lie to the girl either. This led me being single for 7 years since the age of 19.

    The second case concerns my career. I got to be honest with all of you, I have been out of a job for a year. I am a loser who is 26 and still living with my parents. I know this is something to be very shameful. And I can tell you I graduated from a top university with decent GPA (nothing very fabulous though), which makes things a lot worse. I was laid off last year because the company wasn't doing too well (and perhaps I had the worst memory and productivity among my coworkers). I tried to look for other jobs but eventually 'gave up' after the first few months and started a long period of procrastination. I let myself devoured by Youtube, video games and porn for many months. I lost contact with a lot of friends because I was ashamed by myself. Due to the fact that my college was a prestigious one, many of my friends are doing very well, posting pictures on Instagram such as annual dinners in a big corporation and winning the marathon or flying planes in their mid-20s. I felt depressed by those pictures and eventually left social media as well. I tried to better use my time and learn few new sets of skill like programming and a new foreign language, all came to a halt and quickly find themselves on the shelf behind my computer. I feel weak and I don't know what to do.

    Time flies like an arrow and I find myself out of a job for more than a year with a depleted bank account. I don't know what to do with my life. I had dreams that now feels unreachable and pointless. I am too old to start anything over. I feel alone and hopeless with no friends and no social life. I sense disappointment when I look into my parents' eyes. I want to make changes but I have zero motivation to change the situation. I am not happy but I am not extremely sad either. I have asked myself, 'do I want to see myself like this 5 or 10 years later'? The clear answer is 'no', but then the next question left me dumbfounded, 'what can you do about it'? I don't know... I am stuck in this loop of despair and yet to find a way out. Is it because of long term fapping? Is it about porn? Or is it because I am just a useless piece of shxt?
    Atlanticus and SomeRandomNatty like this.
  2. SomeRandomNatty

    SomeRandomNatty Fapstronaut

    I feel you bro, that doesn't sound so good. But there is always hope. Join the movement for self-improvement and focus on one step at a time. You are still young and you don't need to be successful in life to be happy. Remember that your goal should be happiness, not greatness.
    Phantompoint likes this.
  3. Badme

    Badme Fapstronaut

    Don't feel that way brother. Remember to start something new is not to late for you. You are not even to old at first. Sit quite and ask yourself this question, Do you really want to live this way or live the best version of your life? It up on you to relate to that.... If you really want something go get it period. Don't wait for it to come at you, you yourself go and get it...... PEACE
    Phantompoint and SomeRandomNatty like this.
  4. Badme

    Badme Fapstronaut

    True brother....... happiness is not about having a lot of stuff. Happiness is being grateful for yourself
    SomeRandomNatty likes this.
  5. ANJR6

    ANJR6 Fapstronaut

    You and I both know you could be doing much more than what you’ve been doing. I know that because I was in your shoes. You’re not motivated because you have it easy right now. To be blunt, Mommy and Daddy pay for your food, travel, and or a roof over your head. When we remain stagnant, we’re not doing ourselves or anybody else any favors. Take control of your life. Attend a class at a CC. Get a job. Volunteer with a fire department. Get in shape. Start small, and gradually work towards a meaningful purpose. Baby steps. You can’t always change your circumstances, but you can change your attitude. Be a man and take responsibility for your life.

    Two books that helped me light a fire under my ass was ‘12 Rules for Life’ by Jordan Peterson. Just listening to his lectures on YT will do that alone. (Type: tragic story of the man child) Another is, ‘As a Man Thinketh’ by James Allen.

    Good luck, and take care brother.
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
    justafriend and SomeRandomNatty like this.
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    You don't have a job. You want a job... but you're not attempting to get a job.....

    You want change... but you're not creating change...

    You want to take responsibility for your life.... but you're blaming porn for your lack of responsibility...

    Sounds like a lot of wanting, but not a lot of actual effort.

    You're simply not doing the things you know you should be doing because it's difficult and you don't feel like doing it. You've conditioned yourself to escape the problems of your life for instant gratification.

    The way out is to do the opposite. To repeatedly condition yourself to do the scary, uncertain, unideal, uncomfortable, and difficult delayed gratification things that you know you should be doing to have the life that you want. You know this. So don't blame anything or anyone else. Acknowledge that it's your fault. That's the first responsibility you should take.
  7. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Thanks, guy, for being honest!

    Honestly, though, shame is not the answer... finding our inner strength is... which comes to the extent to which we clean ourselves up from this PMO-poisoning of our inner selves. In other words: reboot, reboot, and reboot.

    Then, after we get into that for a month or more, the answer is not to look for hookups, of course, but to create a good life for ourselves. The energy for this comes from cleaning up inside. I notice this pretty much every day. If my mind is in the gutter... guess what... I'm doing what you describe and far worse for far longer. But when I turn myself to the light, surround myself with healthy people... magically my energy and imagination starts to flow in new and promising ways.

    Regardless of how many "days" I reboot, if I hold on to my old wishes and fantasies... I do not progress; but if I redefine my life and do positive things.... I'm almost instantly in a better place and doors open up.... which then close again when I don't stick with it. This may all sound a bit hocus pocus and too spiritual, but ....it works wonders for me.

    Good luck!
    SomeRandomNatty likes this.

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