Being selfless and taking self-care???

Self-care is not egotistical, being selfish is egotistical. The former is healthy and necessary, and the latter is an inordinate preoccupation with yourself. Self-care would be dressing a wound when you're cut or taking medicine when you're sick. Would you call yourself egotistical for doing those actions? No. Likewise when you take care of emotional wounds and heal on a mental level you're also not being egotistical.

Being selfless requires humility, and as C.S. Lewis stated, "True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." If you're thinking less of yourself then your actions aren't coming from a place of charity. The golden rule Christ laid out is to treat others as you would like to be treated, so understanding how to love yourself in a healthy manner is paramount to being able to love others in a healthy manner.

 

Yes I'm sure many of us recognize PMO is a way to soothe ourselves, though it doesn't work any better than overeating junk food. Not only is it too much it doesn't have good nutritional value, if any.

Being selfless is NOT pleasing other people. Pleasing other people is still focused on a self, it's just focused on other selves instead of your own self. Nobody seems to think of it this way but it's obviously true.

If we think about what self-care is, it involves your health so it really involves every aspect of yourself. That's also true in a community. And it's not just temporarily feeling better. I think when people really drain themselves it's probably because it's a one-sided relationship, any people pleasing probably has to do with that kind of codependency.

Yes, psychologically it's recognized therapy is to strengthen the ego, but that's not the same as having an inflated ego or being an ego maniac. That's like saying strengthening the body when you're sick, it's not like someone who works out for the cosmetic benefits alone.

 

I can already feel the tomatoes flying towards me.

Screw others, I think only of myself. If everybody cared for his own problems the world would be better. Christianity taught all wrong. You forget your own needs to be nice, to please others, then you solve their problems. Because you spent so much energy helping others now you need help and need someone to look after you -- and people often do not repay good deeds.

I spend a lot of time on this website helping people and giving insightful comments yet when the bar presses me I can only count on myself. And I acknowledge that helping others feel good for who is helping, but most time when you help someone, you rob him of an opportunity to fail and learn by his own mistakes.

When I help people, I try my best, but it's not for them. It's for me. So I can feel better about myself. I think it's a must for everyone to look after his own needs first, so I can be stronger, to help even more people.