Hi all, This may be a long post so please bear with me, I feel my pornography use and lack of sexual experience are particularly chronic so need to pack a lot of info into this post. I began using pornography at the age of around 11. I had my first sexual encounter at 14 but even by then masturbation and porn had affected me. After constant problems with girls and women up until I was around 20, I became so embarrased and had so little self confidence and self respect I turned to porn and pretty much gave up ever having a successful sex life. This went on for around 5 years. Literally only porn with zero interaction with women. It's so frustrating I've wasted so many years of my life and only just realised but I can't dwell on this now, what is done is done. I recently made the decision this summer, at the age of 25 to get to grips with my chronic problems and begin to sort my life out. I stopped porn use and initially MO'd probably every 3/4/5 days. I became intensely focused on improving my physique and physical appearance, and for the previous 6 months have really hit the gym hard. I was a fairly good looking guy before and I'm in the best shape and the most attractive I've ever been in my life. Women notice me a lot more and over the past 6 months my confidence has increasingly improved and improved. I've been offered my first promotion at work in the 8 years I've been there. I've gradually reduced MO to probably around once a week but I believe due to my chronic use, to reboot I need to stop altogether. Now, my main issue is that over the previous 2 weeks I have managed to take 2 girls back to hotels, and both times ED has been pretty horrendous. One time I was semi-hard throughout with no orgasm, second I literally could not even get it up. Just heaps and heaps of pre-come. The second woman was beautiful, someone I could not have dreamed of sleeping with 6 months ago, I wasn't nervous in her company, but it simply would not work, even though in my head I was incredibly horny. So basically my concern is on PIED - with such a chronic case, and an issue that has hindered my sex life throughout my entire adulthood, is there hope I can heal? I'm petrified this may be something I can never overcome due to just how severe my history is. It's so bittersweet being in the best shape and most confident I've ever been in my life, yet with a history so bad I feel my reboot will be extreme. I just hope I can maybe be something of a case study in just how bad things can get, that people can come back from. I can only try. I've had hormone checks come back fine, and I'm in pretty great health other than in my head. My pornography usage is done - the benefits I've seen have been incredible these past 6 months. I'm literally a new man, the man I should have been 5 years ago. I notice people more, have more respect and people are more respectful of me, my social life is booming and everything is on the upI have zero interest or cravings for it any more and MO is getting to that point too. It's just this one, major PIED hurdle to overcome that is going to be the long, long road to eventual sexual and relationship success. If anyone has relatable experience (although I imagine not as chronic), I'd really love to hear any advice or words of encouragement you could send my way. I will scroll through the forum and absorb as much information as I can regarding my rewiring. Many, many thanks for your time. Cheers, B.
So about 3 days ago, I relapsed (MO, no death grip) after about 12 days of NoFap - I believe I'm experiencing my first flatline after a long time without porn use and the lack of both desire and the confidence that comes with it lead to a bad patch of stress and I folded. Feeling pretty down about it all right now but I'm guessing the sign of a flatline is only a good thing in terms of progression. I'm trying not to count days or streaks exactly, as I don't want to set goals to beat the next time, I simply want to eradicate masturbation until I'm at a stage where PIED is improving and/or gone completely. I managed to get a stunning girls' number on a night out over the weekend, but I've not been in touch since, due to the way I'm feeling. I'm wondering if it's best to just forget about dating, but I know that it's best if I keep myself out there, experiencing real life relationships. I'm just hoping my confidence will return, even if my libido takes a little longer. My head so desperately wants to be out there, but I know my body will take time to rewire and sync up. Can anybody with experience of flatline/PIED advise? Would be great to converse with someone about similar experiences. Feeling pretty lonely on this forum. Cheers, B.
Hey TimeToChangeB, I'm quite new here but your story did resonate a lot with a previous experience I did have. One of the reasons I decided to go clean was because when I was with a girl that I found very attractive, and who I was enjoying great dates with, I got ED. As you can imagine, it was quite shocking since I was clearly very into the whole situation, but it just wouldn't happen. I did read a lot and research extensively about recuperating from this, and as you said, you're passing through the flatline stage, so I would give it time (according to some studies, depending on how long you used PMO material and how young you started with it, recovery can take anything between 3-6 months). Don't stop talking or meeting people dude, although it will take time for you brain and body to re-wire itself back into a healthier state, meeting women and enjoying their company can also be great to help you get back out there and move your brain to re-wire itself properly. Also, the more you talk with people who you feel attracted to, the more you will begin to regain your confidence, hold on buddy!
My best advice would be this. Keep going with the no porn/masturbation thing. That's a given. Next would be to let whatever girl you will be having sex with know ahead of time that you get nervous the first time and chances are you wont be able to get it up. The fact that she knows not to expect anything will put you at tremendous ease and allow you to relax and just go with the flow. Worked for me everytime I had sex with a woman for the first time. Goodluck!
Many thanks BlueNotes! I'm hoping to go for a slower approach with things in the hope to a more long-term relationship, but the last few times things have escalated fairly quickly and I've ended up regretting rushing into those situations. No PMO is a given now - I feel my addiction is beaten, urges to use porn are completely gone, and the benefits I've seen overall will stop me ever using it should urges ever return. It's just the rewiring process which is going to be the struggle. Hopefully I can find an understanding woman some time soon
Hey randompatriot, many thanks for your response How are things for you currently? Although my PMO counter will be correct, my MO Counter is not but I'm unable to reset it currently. I'm hoping stopping both will help to speed up the recovery and I just need to have faith that the flatline will pass. I've read about it before and I know I will hit it at some point, yet when it has I've become scared and gave up. Bad move haha. Thanks for the support guys - renewed optimism going forward
Hahahah...man...you and I are LITERALLY identical. I mean you legitimately, WORD FOR WORD, just told my story. I'm 27, a good looking dude, am in great shape and play golf professionally. I live in LA and have the most gorgeous women give me the green light constantly. I can't tell you how many times I've gone in fuckin' flaccider then flaccid. I have literally had the exact same experience as you. Started porn at like 10-12, been jerking it ever since. Had one very serious girlfriend for 2 years there where the sex was great but with exception to that I've had PIED ever since the FIRST girl that ever gave me head. I avoid women now. Friends of mine that don't know about this problem I have swear I'm gay because I turn down the hottest chicks all the time because I'm terrified. It's just not even worth it because they're going to want me to fuck them and I know I can't. So I feel you man. Honestly you just gotta stop touchin' it all together. I'm going to give you the advice I know I have to give myself but can't follow it. It's simple, really. Just leave the whole thing alone. Sexuality in general. We're so over-exposed man....we live in such a liberal time where women are running around in yoga pants half naked 24/7. I'm glad that it's socially acceptable for women to be and act how they want to, but it has negative side effects on men. Think about it....you can't go on instagram or facebook (two things I deleted a LONG time ago) without seeing girls in their underwear. Half naked girls all over ads online. Half naked girls on billboards. On TV. Girls in Yoga pants and mini tank tops everywhere. Modern sexuality is over-exposed unlike any generation in the history of our existence. It's not a coincidence that the MAJORITY of millennial men are suffering from PIED. It's unprecedented. Doctors have never seen perfectly healthy young men coming in one after the other complaining about the same thing. It's the result of a perfect harmony of the age of information, coupled with the sexual freedom of modern feminism. The two equal an over-exposure unlike anything we've ever seen. What you and I both need to do is hard. We need to find a girl we like, and take it slow with them. And we need to explain to them that we are mentally sick. We need to educate them. Imagine if you had a girl that you loved that knew all of these things about you and accepted you completely? Was willing to not judge you and love you unconditionally and work with you to help you get over it? If I had a girl like that show up in my life i'm sure i'd be over this rather quickly. It's just much easier said then done. It's hard having that conversation with a woman, particularly one you love. But that's what being a man is about, brother. I support you man....I feel like you are me. There's other guys out there like you man. Much love to you and can't wait for you to get over this. You will. Feel free to PM me about anything as we've virtually the same person. Godspeed.
it really took me about three years to get back to normal, I don't know if you edge, but it is not natural, it will hurt the healing process. I am glad you kicked some of your habits all ready, you just got be patient while the healing process takes place.
Hi Guys! Apologies for the delay in replying, I've been having some tech issues, but I'm back up and running. Will be replying soon Cheers!
Amnonongus, mate - so nice to be able to speak with someone in such a similar situation. I think we can be a great help to each other on this forum . Firstly, congrats on the career man - I play off 18 and can damn appreciate how tough the game is. Props on making it pro and living that life, that's awesome! You say you avoid women now - trust me man, I've been there - I was there for 5 straight years. It was so habitual it was normal for me. But giving up PMO has put an end to that. Even though physically I'm not there yet, in my head I'm starting to feel so attracted to women in the real world, it's liberating just to feel like that, to feel somewhat normal again. You start to kind of give off an aura that you're attracted to women without really having to say anything. Then simple conversations can just happen with woman feeling the same way about you. 6 months ago I wouldn't even say hello to a woman I found attractive - I just knew I couldn't perform and that made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her. But starting this PMO streak has made me realise that even though I have a big hurdle to clear in kicking PIED, there's so much more to being an attractive person to a woman. Making a woman laugh and be comfortable in your company is so satisfying in it's own right. I've just screwed up in turning 2 of those situations into one night stands with PIED - not smart moves! A streak away from porn and masturbation will do you THE WORLD of good mate, honestly. Kick porn today - make that decision and stick to it, and reap the benefits in good time my friend. The world today - man, isn't it a nightmare for guys like us right now!? Trying to avoid this stuff is too difficult haha. I've followed a very similar path without removing social media altogether - I unfollowed a lot of fitness models and celebrities for example, and keep it purely to close friends and family now, I use it for nothing other than networking. Day to day it was initially difficult not look at women in an objective manner but honestly after so long without porn I don't feel like that any more. I can appreciate beauty in a different way, it's not purely sexual, like it's not 'stored to use later' kind of thing. It's just more of an appreciation of female beauty in general. I'm certain this is down to not using porn for so long and it feels so damn good to not feel like that any more. I feel like a much more respectful guy and just feeling that makes you feel more confident. I've stopped feeling that creepy guy at the bar like I used to feel like when I had zero social skills and zero confidence. You also talk about not taking your own advice. Well I'll give you that advice myself man haha - please, please give it up. Allow yourself to feel the benefit's I'm feeling. But do it fully knowing that it will take time. Embrace that fact, and, in my opinion, don't set a date to hit (90 days, 120 days etc). Just set the goal as, I'll stop until I'm healed (no doubt by then we'll be so much better off for not doing it, we won't ever want to again anyway). I found that setting numerical targets only had me clock-watching as such, constantly checking to see how many days I had done. Then the next streak I would try to beat that, I would use it as an excuse to MO then start again. I think the less time spent thinking about not doing it, the better. Just make the decision to stop, and and carry out your daily life without PMO. Relating to this, I did still MO in the early days (my streak starting around June), because I found going cold turkey too tough, I'd masturbated to porn for so long it was too much of a change to just stop it all at once for me. I MO'd maybe every 3 days, then 4 or 5, then once a week, and I'm at about every 10 days/2 weeks now. I've tried to absolutely minimise fantasy, and only focus on physical sensations, no death grip, and lubrication and light touch to make it more akin to 'the real thing'. From what I've read on YBOP, fantasy is just as harmful as it still activates the same pathways as porn did, so be very careful with that too, and death grip is a cause for DE, which I always suffer as well whenever I manage to get an erection. From here on in I'm hard mode, I now find going 10 days easy in this flatline so I just need to push through that and go as long as I can. Do what works for you, but just make constant, steady progression. I treat it like I do my gym routine in that sense I guess. Just steady constant progression, which over time adds to big gains. Regarding finding the right woman - it's only a matter of time man. I've not heard back from these women for obvious reasons I guess, but honestly I'm not too fussed. It's still a positive experience just to be in that situation for me. I know why I can't perform, it's just a shame we can't explain that to them over the course of one night without sounding barmy haha. All in good time! Stay strong my man. Any advise I can give you regarding my current PMO streak relating to yours and how to initially get going, ask away mate and I'll do my best to help you through any tough patches. It really does get easier as time goes on I've found, and I guess this flatline is a blessing in that sense also. Talk soon man!
Hi yukon, thanks for the message mate During that 5 year period, I pretty much PMO'd every day, sometimes multiple times, and usually for like an hour at a time. I would say I definitely edged and probably quite a bit too. I know I've set myself up for a longer road to recovery with this, but I'm aware of it and I'm just going to ride out the recovery. thanks man, the kind words are really appreciated, patience is indeed the key . All the best with your recovery too man!
