Can't concentrate on anything unless I jack off. How do I change this?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Fullstop, Jul 24, 2020.

  1. Fullstop

    Fullstop New Fapstronaut

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    When I'm at home working, I do everything to keep from jerking off... pushups, chores, focus on work, meditate, watch inspirational videos, etc...

    But I feel like a rat in a cage, going crazy, if I don't release the tension.

    I'm not even that horny, just need to release somehow... and I haven't found anything else that get's that release.

    Anyone here have the same problem, and overcame it?
     
    Hardwork11 likes this.
  2. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I don't know if it's exactly the same problem but I do know I tried a lot of very similar things and still had a lot of energy directed at selfish sex, and the part I know most for sure is I haven't had to "release" in the sense of use porn, masturbation etc.
    Maybe the things that seen like solutions are causing tension of their own, all I know is for me exercise, self improvement etc didn't work. Or rather it did what you would expect it to do which was improve the self but had no bearing on pm+ addiction
     
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  3. JV76

    JV76 Fapstronaut

    Let me be the first to say, I have never felt less horny than after doing chores haha. I suppose the idea is to distract yourself from the urges. For me, my release is physical exercise. Otherwise, I make sure I am nowhere where I can pull out my dick. Seriously. I leave my room, leave my apartment, and go somewhere public where I cannot possibly act on the urges and I wait. Harder to do at night, obviously. I find mental distance from the urges helps me think clearer and then I feel much more able to focus the energy elsewhere.

    Also, something that you said made me think. You said, " I do everything to keep from jerking off...I'm not even that horny, just need to release somehow". I think that maybe the issue isn't that you need a way to distract yourself, but that you need to find other ways to relax. That is, you're using masturbating as a self-soothing behaviour.
     
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  4. In answer to the titular question: by gradually slowing down and stopping over time.
     
  5. Asdor22

    Asdor22 Fapstronaut

    For me what worked 2 years ago was to go cold turkey. But going down slowly is still a great way!
     
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  6. Cirilla

    Cirilla NoFap Moderator
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    I struggle with the same thing :( It's not even being horny as you said, it's purely the release. I also struggle with using PMO as a reward. Two faces of the same coin. I try to release through physical exercise but it isn't working for me yet. Appreciate your insights guys!
     
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  7. Furrious

    Furrious Fapstronaut

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    I also think it might be the problem. Masturbation often comes as a way to get away from something that is not pleasurable for us. That is the problem in my case. Situations that make you feel bored or stressed might become strong triggers since your brain might be linking masturbation with relaxation. Try to invest some time to stay present with your emotions when you feel a need to release, and figure out if the thing you were doing directly before having urges to release made you feel a certain way and what exactly was the feeling. Having that knowledge, try to figure out a way to respond to that knowing how you feel/felt.
    Give it a try at least one time and see how it goes :)
    Self-awareness, when it becomes a skill you use to recover, is of great help.
    Of course sharing the way you feel is of great help too because you need not to be alone with your thoughts :)
     
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  8. Furrious

    Furrious Fapstronaut

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    I'm my case, finding myself in social situations helps a lot. That makes me unable to act on the urges.
    Furthermore, preparing a set of things that make me feel rewarded and pleased, such as eating a healthy meal, acting on hobbies I really enjoy, gives me the opportunity to seek relaxation in other forms than PMO.
     
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  9. It sounds cliche... But you won't recover permanently, unless you want it from the very core of your being. As they say, if you want it as bad as your next breath, you'll make it... Etc.
     
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  10. Cirilla

    Cirilla NoFap Moderator
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    I know man I know... But it's so much easier said than done, and I'm already trying to improve hard. I fear it won't be the case but I am hoping that when I get finally for the first time in my life comfortable with myself I will be able to work on pinpointing and treating every issue one by one. I've already done it for 2y, I can do it again... Just need to find a healthier release that doesn't make me feel guilty and paranoiac. You make me want to register for a race, but they're all cancelled where I live
     
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  11. You know, sometimes it's not about winning. Maybe what you need is a happy medium. Or, find a real person to take care of your needs. Idk you. But I do know that not everyone needs to go the road of the monks. It doesn't work out for everyone obviously.
     
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  12. Cirilla

    Cirilla NoFap Moderator
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    Refreshing words for my current mindset, thank you. I wish I could find such person, but again, I think I first need to love myself, which I can't in the current state I'm in - trust me, I tried ;) and it wouldn't be healthy to love myself rn anyway, I would love myself for the wrong reasons. I actually genuinely think it could work for me, I'm just mindblowingly inconsistent

    Sorry to derail your thread with personal blabla OP!
     
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  13. Fullstop

    Fullstop New Fapstronaut

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    If you still had a lot of energy directed at selfish sex, what did help you in the end, to release that energy?

    Or did it just never get released?

    It's fine if I'm doing active stuff... but when I have that tension, and I sit down to do academic and "book" work where I have to really focus, I can't focus on it at all, I find my mind wandering a lot to pm+. That's my main problem.
     
  14. Fullstop

    Fullstop New Fapstronaut

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    I think I'm one of those people that needs to go cold turkey... I'm always trying to quit weed and caffeine, after a week I'll feel really good, and then say to myself "just one cup of coffee won't hurt" and then it barrels into smoking later that day, pmo to unwind from the caffeine, etc. Same thing with pmo I think... I'll keep on trying though.

    No worries Cirilla - in regards to loving yourself, I get where your coming from, it's hard to do. I have a gf (she's overseas, we're separated because of the pandemic) and I think about the same thing sometimes. If you haven't looked into it, Bioenergetics is a really good form of therapy I've discovered - also Paul Chek has some really good teachings as well (about health as well).
     
  15. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Trying to be helpful to my fellow pm+ addicts could never fail to take up my energy. For me hobbies and exercise and things can definitely fail to outlast my sexual energy: I used to work in a hobby for hours then use pm+, I used to lift weights and run 5ks then use pm+, those were not and still are not effective outlets for me. I think of them as part of normal life that I get back when I let go of pm+ and the negativity behind my drug like use of pm+. But trying to be helpful, which is just one part of my practice, alone is a much bigger "heat sink" than my sexual energy. It's a nice kind to, instead of how I used to do which was: based on my ideas try to wear myself out so thoroughly that I won't want to use pm+, which never occurred I just used pm+ tired :), I get to do more like choosing to continuously place my awareness on positive effortless action. Of course I often get into effort and accidentally tire myself out by falling into negativity, that's something to do differently next time.
     
  16. Dub_Bass

    Dub_Bass Fapstronaut

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    Well PMO is more than likely the culprit. As others have mentioned it may be worthwhile using a substitue like taking a walk, writing down whatever thoughts are racing, a quick set of pushups, etc. to get your mind focused.

    In my experience, productivity methods, like the 25/5 x 4 method. This method has you work on a task for 25 minutes, then a 5 minute break, do that 4 times and you get a 15 minute break...repeat until you no longer need to.

    Finally, focus on *one* task at a time. If you're cooking, cook. If you're cleaning, clean. If you're working on a stock report for work only work on that. We often find ourselves multitasking and trying to pull our attention different places. If music is a must, try to make it something unobtrusive, like dub techno, ambient, impressionist classic, jazz, or some styles of vaporwave (Seriously)
     
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  17. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    My first thought, run sprints and work on a heavy bag. My second thought, go ahead and rub one out. I am not at all convinced we do young men a favor in either encouraging or discouraging masturbation. Its a part of figuring yourself out. At least it was for me. That said, we should make it easier for young men to steer clear of porn. Porn should be discouraged. My final thought, buy a box of condoms, find a girl you like, and go to town. Sex if fun. If you get with a partner you really get along with you will realize the people in porn are doing it wrong.

    I am sure that's all very controversial but that's what I think.
     
  18. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    I think that those activities you listed all leave you to stop pmo through will power (which is very unreliable especially by itself). It's like being hooked on drugs, doing all these activities to prevent the addiction in a room full of the drug. In this case such an addict should be placed in a rehab facility away from the drug. Similarly, I believe that it is more effective to put yourself in situations where you simply cannot pmo and you will find that you will even stop thinking about porn. All these reasons why we feel the urge are just the brain's way of rationalizing something that is simply not normal, a healthy person does not need to m to concentrate or deal with sadness. My experience for instance was that in my first streak a couple months (I completed 30 days), my main urge was to peak and even in a public place I found myself opening porn pics on my phone. I visited family and friends and had people over all the time. This helped prevent mo but I peaked a lot, looked for p subs as well. On day 30 I relapsed because pmo was 'my way of dealing with my depression'-of course just something I believed at the time. Nevertheless, I kept the measures in place to prevent pmo and the frequency kept reducing and most importantly, images of p started disappearing from my head and I stopped having favourites e.g. the go to p stars, categories or scenes etc. 2 months later, the urges have reduced significantly and I am on a true hard mode for the first time. In short, I think the beginning of nofap needs to be a cold turkey where you will struggle with either p m and o. You'll come up with excuses for keeping one over the other. Say you are only addicted to this and that etc. But in truth, we know no compulsive use of any pm or o is healthy and as an addict you need to get away from them at least for a while. To summarise this answer: 1) stay in places where you are not alone. 2) if you have to be alone get rid of devices 3) exercise preferably gym, I like this instead of other random activities because you stay healthy and you get tired. This can really help during the cold turkey stage where you will actively be trying to avoid pmo daily for as long as possible. 4)Get something serious and with a target to focus on for say a 6 month period. This can be a job, school etc. If it adds to the work you have now even better. This will help keep you focused on other things. 5)Finally music helps especially when you get moody due to the process. Bottom line is keep yourself away from situations where you can physically engage with pmo as much as possible.
     
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  19. NoFap Clarity > Post Nut Clarity

    Think about ANY other addicting activity that you feel you need to do in order to be productive:
    I can't focus unless I do coke,
    I can't focus unless I take amphetamines,
    etc.

    Is that really a good reason not to quit?

    PMO can have a very parasitic relationship with the brain. You might FEEL like you need to do it in order to feel sane, but that is a textbook withdrawal symptom. The longer you stop doing this destructive behavior, the faster the dependency will go away.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
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  20. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    @FellatiousD That's a good way to illustrate it actually. It's difficult to tell when the brain is playing tricks in the moment. I have seen people complaining about flatline, semen leakage etc. And they are pretty much arguing to go back to pmo than experience these 'inconveniences'. I personally argued that peeking was okay and only doing no m and o was effective just because that kept a part of the addiction alive. The relapse was horrible and due to peeking when an extremely strong pic came to view. So be strong and try to understand that this journey is about stopping the addiction to pmo. All those 'benefits' are just what healthy people do everyday... so the priority is to beat pmo, full stop.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
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