Hello everyone. It had been a week or two since I'd masturbated and tonight I was getting ready for a shower and I thought to myself "It would be nice to masturbate." I'd seen some p-subs recently and I knew it would feel good. I said to myself "I can either choose God or I can choose to sin. This is just like Adam's choice in the garden." Regrettably, I chose to masturbate. Full knowledge. Full consent. Now, I'm conflicted. I feel so much better after having masturbated yet I know it is wrong. I don't really feel guilty even though I know that I should. I read a quote by C.S. Lewis which explains why masturbation is wrong: “For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. “And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. “For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no woman can rival. “Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover; no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. “In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself. . . . After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison.” – Personal Letter From Lewis to Keith Masson (found in The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume 3) I know it's wrong. I know I need to goto confession (I'm long overdue anyway). It's just hard to deal with the conflict between secular values which say that masturbation is okay and even good and religious morality which says it's always wrong. It's like there's always a battle between these two forces in my mind. Pray for me brothers.