Leaving the Hive

I'm so sorry. Would he leave instead, if you told him to go? Whatever you do, please make sure you and your boys are safe. Our hearts are hurting with you.

 

And you have a safe place here. We are all here for you and feel your pain. And over the coming days I hope you find the strength to put your self-care as top priority. Not feeding off feelings but feeling my own real fears....this addiction sucks and of course he went straight into addict blame didn’t he, too many restrictions no privacy yada yada

 

I don't think it's feeding off the feelings. To me it feels like solidarity. If it happens to one of us, it happens to all, in a way.

 

EXACTLY.

 

Yup we all reach a point when enough is enough...or they do...or they pull out and leave. Classic avoidance...ya you have my support. I understand completely what you are going through. It’s so incredibly tough being supportive, when your dying on the inside.
The lies, sneaking, betraying, and drama. You are incredibly patient and supportive and like you me you put his feelings first. No more. ..you go girl, stand up straight and tall and call it like it is. High five to you

 

Sorry to play devils advocate here but is it possible that this is a perfectly innocent laptop or has he confirmed it's being used for p?


Update about 3 hours later - Fightyourlowerself is an naïve idiot. Please forgive the above ignorant comment. The last thing in the world he wants is to upset anyone, especially amazing people like the SOs here.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you by this - I was taught to try to look for the best in people.
You are in my prayers.

 

Ah yes - just your everyday, perfectly innocent, hidden-by-an-addict with a history of hiding laptops on which to view porn, laptop. To suggest anything otherwise would be premature and grievously unfair. And with these kinds of unfair accusations and mistrust flying around, no wonder the poor man had to resort to using porn. He really had no choice, given the persecution he has endured at the hands of people who expected him to be an adult and tell the truth and such.

 

I'm so sorry guys - I am so trusting with people that part of me just wanted to believe this could all be innocent.

It is clearly not and it was not appropriate for me to ask otherwise.

 

I absolutely don't have the words to express how sorry I am about your husband and your situation in general. I remember being in his mental position. I was sorry I got caught. I wasn't sorry I hurt my wife or that I wasn't in a serious mental state of "I want to work on my recovery." I was sorry only that I wasn't better at sneaking and hiding. It sounds like that may be your husband's mentality right now. I don't know anything about your relationship with him other than what you've posted here, so I'm definitely not going to suggest either leaving or staying. All I'd like to say is that whatever you decide, I hope you take time to calm your thoughts and make sure that whatever you decide is what is best for you and your kids.

God bless and good luck.