cross roads of future paths

I am declaring here that from tomorrow fourth having relapsed today, that i will get to 90 days. I am declaring here that no matter how good the clip,no matter how many boxes it ticks in my checklist of fetishes,no matter how much my mind tells me to do it i will not give in to those voices.

With the above said can anyone help me because i'm honestly at a losing battle. I can't seem to find a real genuine reason that makes me get past the 14 day mark because i know once i hit 15 days it's the hardest part done having made it to 42 days as my best. I need a real reason guys and not some of the bad ones which seem to come up like being better with girls or being social because i'm a mgtow and as such don't live in the dream world of women are great and wonderful anymore.

Maybe i can't find the reason because i don't believe in this enough; when i first heard of nofap i thought it sounded too good to be true but i went with it and it helped me in my life but the difference now is I don't see how it can benefit me; i'm not unemployed,i can drive,i don't have social anxiety or any problems that seem to be cured by doing this so i'm stuck.

The only real reason i keep trying to do it is because i just haven't made it to 90 days and i want to see what it's like, maybe that's because subconsciously i think that i'll get to 90 days,not see any benefits and be able to go back to watching porn and not feel horrible about it afterwards. I never thought about it being bad but now being on nofap for god knows how long i just can't watch it and feel good afterwards.

It doesn't help with nofap being so full of blue pill men either who are desperate to get girls. I'm scared if i'm honest that if i do this seriously that i'll get far and start wanting to get girls even though i know it' a trap and won't be able to fight my animal instincts to pro create and could end up in a relationship that will lead to me getting married and subsequently divorced,homeless and financially ruined and having to make child support payments for kids i never wanted.

Such a tough situation to deal with.