Crying before a long time

The last time I was in this website was in 2018, when I was 19. Now I'am 21 years old, and, for some reason, I'am feeling sentimental these days, and now I see myself back here. I want to whrite what I'am feeling.
Before you ask me, no, I didn't got any conquist on NoFap (actually, if I'am not wrong, my best strike was 30 days without fapping), and I still watching porn sometimes and masturbating as well.
What brings me back here is the fact that I'am confused about my life and feelings. As you grow up, it's get harder to see yourself crying. Even when I try, barely I can cry in a funeral, for exemple. But yesterday I cryed when I was taking a shower, but I couldn't realize why I was crying. Maybe because I was missing a girl that is visiting the city. When I was 11 years old she said she loves me. She was the only one that said it to me.
We used to talk on MSN everyday, till we break up. Now, after a long time ago, we don't use to talk anymore. She had three, maybe four ou five boyfriends after we break up, now she's alone again. Yesterday, I texted to her on Instagram, breaking the ice of years. I just said hello and talked about the fact that's cool she's visiting the city. She was very cool with me, but I didn't keeped engaging a conversation (she doesn't as well). I asked her some questions about the city and she said "yees!", and I liked her comment. That's all. I don't think she could understand why I was texting to her, maybe she thought I was just being nice.
I don't know, I don't think I should try something with her again, because she lives far away from me, and also because I don't know who is she anymore. Maybe she's not the person I'am thinking about, maybe she never was. Probably I've create a wrong idea of her on my mind, and would get very disapointed, so I'am afraid about trying something.
All of this makes me remember about my childhood, and how I was pure and innocent. Today, I can't think about a relationship (I just think about casual sex, and I don't even do it), and what should I do about my life and career. This sometimes gives me ansiety.
Maybe I cryed yesterday because I miss my pure childhood, and miss the days when I wasn't aprisioned in a job, just thinking about the future, not really living.
And lastly, I want to say that crying is very important, if you are ashamed to cry near someone and you feel like it, go somewhere and cry. Our soul needs this.