Curing a long hated habit...

Hey there! I have a lot to say about myself I needed a place to vent and gain some support.

I'm currently 18 years old and going into my first year of college. My first experience with masturbating and watching porn was when I was just 14 years old. I was a little kid and had no idea how bad this shit was going to do to me in the future. I've been masturbating to porn for a good 3/4 years now and all I can say is I TOTALLY regret it.

8 months ago I was talking to a girl and she was a sexually active girl like a reaaaal freak. She kept on talking to me about linking up and doing stuff and heck I was down for it because at 17 I was still a virgin and wanted to gain some experience. We ended up linking and making out in the back of my car until she started touching my groin and asking If I wanted a blowjob. Heck I was like why not... I pulled my pants down and there it was, my penis was as soft and small as a peanut. At that moment I was so embarrassed I was even telling myself why am I not getting hard? Whats wrong with me?? I told her this is not normal as I'm always hard when masturbating... She said it was fine and continued to give me head but I had to finish myself off by jacking myself off. I was embarrassed. I came home and thought that it had something to do with my excessive use of watching porn and masturbating but heck I thought it was all bullshit and went back to it and never linked that girl again.

A year later, so this is in the present day now. I met this wonderful girl at my job. I invited her over to my party and she came but things took a turn when we ended up making out in a closet. What I realized was both of us were drunk but I was not in any means getting an erection. I thought what the heck I'm drunk. A week later we had a job party and I was sleeping over there and so was the girl. We ended up getting drunk but not too drunk we went into a bedroom and starting making out. She had a condom with her and asked if I ever done it before... I said nah but I really want to. I was so turned on I wanted to do everything to her but as soon as I took off my underwear I was still soft as a peanut, not hard, no erection, nothing even though I was turned on. I tried putting on a condom on by jerking myself off but every time it would go back to it's flaccid form. I was embarrassed and done. I told her I was too drunk to have sex rn and she being an amazing girl totally understood. We tried to have sex the morning after (we fell asleep together) but I couldn't. My penis would still not get hard even though I was turned on. I could've believe it. I was broken. She told me I was still hungover and I believed her but I knew the truth. However during this time I have gone a week without masturbation so it confused the heck out of me.

My Porn Addiction was taking a toll on me and I could only get hard by jacking myself off to porn. I couldn't believe it. I am now joining this community to help cure this problem. I need to reboot my brain! I quit watching porn and its been a good 2 days now but its a start. I hope to never come across this problem again in my life as it was embarrassing and broke me. I am a young guy, I love working out (been working out for 4 years) pretty buff and athletic. I hope this nofap rebooting journey will help me out in curing this embarrassing habit. Thank you and much love!