Curious about sexuality

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Harold Brown, Mar 22, 2018.

  1. Harold Brown

    Harold Brown New Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone,
    I'm 21 years of age, and I want to share a little story with you all because I'm so frustrated right now. As a child growing up I always liked girls, had on crushes on them the whole nine. I've kissed them and enjoyed it. But growing up I've also done some weird things that to this day I regret so much. It started when I was at a cousins one time and we where in his room hanging out, and all of a sudden he started humping me, I didn't know what going on because i'm a kid I don't know that what i'm doing at the time Is wrong, and it felt so weird but I didn't think to tell him to stop. There was also a time where this boy started kissing me , and again I didn't stop him because at that time I didn't know what gay was. I thought we were just being ourselves I guess. As a got a little older I would say around 9-12. I started doing weird things like humping my cousins and kissing them but it didn't feel good it wasn't terrible either, but like I wasn't aroused by it. I was just doing it too do it. And then I felt like I got so used to doing those things that I just started doing it for fun, which I don't know why. As I got much older now I stopped that habit and mean while when i did those things I never masturbated to gay porn or masturbated to another mans picture. I saw men and thought they were good looking but I never really had a crush on them or wanted to have sex with them. It's just like my mind keeps reminding me about my past, and also I 've never dreamt of me having sex with a guy. it's always women. I don't know if my mind if playing treats on me. Now keep having this thoughts that I'm gay or want to have sex with men I don't know what's going on but it's really disturbing. I also have never experience sexual intercourse with a women yet.
     
  2. cesare_undici

    cesare_undici Fapstronaut

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    hey Harold,

    first things first: thanks for sharing your story and the courage it takes to put this here!

    the way I see it is dont break your mind about these pictures that every now and then come to your consciousness. it's just memories. also, I think at your age you are still transitioning from a boy to a real man (pls dont understand this wrong!). and with real man I mean you know your place in society and so on.
    your dreams about women are a strong indicator that you are straight not gay. but I need to mention there is nothing wrong with being gay - it is just a sexual orientation. neither good nor bad. it's just what it is.

    hope that helps a little
     

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