Dark confession. Need help/advice because I'm mentally exhausted.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by mrtambourineman, Jul 30, 2019.

  1. mrtambourineman

    mrtambourineman Fapstronaut

    22
    476
    48
    My problem recently, and overall to be honest, isn't with porn. I occasionally go on porn sites, but my biggest problem is with chat sites. Well, chat sites, Instagram girls, facebook but for 18+ type websites (don't know the correct term for it), and a ton more that all relate to stimulating things outside of porn

    I usually waste between 2-4 hours a day (every day) acting out on these chat sites. either with sex chat, roleplaying, or even catfishing. to me there's some weird and sick pleasure about that as well. i've had an "outside looking in" perspective after i act out and even while i'm acting out, and i see how pathetic my life has gotten.

    every time i've been acting out recently, i've been absolutely miserable. my brain wants to recover and not PMO, but my body tells me to go give in. i'm so far down the rabbit hole that the urge completely washes over me and i mindlessly give in, like a zombie.

    im hoping to get some advice or help from people who have also detached themselves from these chat sites (or from the other items that i've listed above) and from people who combat the physical urges in the best way possible. i hate living like this and being a mindless zombie, i want this disease out of my life for good, but i don't know how to combat the physical part, which always seems to get the best of me

    i appreciate the replies, thank you all!
     
  2. Purekingsoul

    Purekingsoul Fapstronaut

    13
    24
    3
    With the right amount of study and help you will make it through and find self discipline you must first start with taking care of yourself mind body and soul also whenever you have sexual urges try and focus that energy on something else as exercise or productivity you can even use this energy as a source of creativity
     
    Burner1 and Coffee Candy like this.
  3. HustleMan

    HustleMan Fapstronaut

    89
    2,311
    113
    Same here I loved to catfish people and laugh out at their stupidity.I used to whack off to fucked up porn too.I used to catfish shit outta ppl everyday.Im telling you its not worth it in the long term.
     
    Burner1 likes this.
  4. 6RIPperTHE9

    6RIPperTHE9 Fapstronaut

    14
    1
    3
    What exactly did you guys do, while catfishing? Trying to flirt with them? Get pictures?
     
  5. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I think the thing you need ( and I need cause I have wasted time on something similar ) is reframe the problem.

    Ask yourself:

    Why am I here ?
    What do I want ?
    Is this the best way to get _____??

    You are a dopamine junkie. Really all porn addicts are. And the acting out is to get that dopamine high.

    I have tried several things but really what I have found works is to isolate the feeling and name it. Like categorize it as “this” is what I am here for.

    Then ask yourself “THIS, is what I’m here’s for? A dopamine rush?”

    You can get out of the circle by making choices and thinking, or by physical activity to interrupt the cycle.

    For me I struggle (still) with getting tinder matches. I don’t realky talk to anyone anymore. That’s the sad thing with this dopamine hit— you just get lazy. The same conversations you probably have had over and over. Then you get in a rhythm. You use the same lines. So it gets really boring and you waste so much fucking time.

    The “wake up” call is needed.
     
    cBettyford and Johnb21 like this.
  6. HustleMan

    HustleMan Fapstronaut

    89
    2,311
    113
    Im pretty good at it.I can make a person do whatever I want.(serious).But its psychotic and sinful so i stopped.
     
    Burner1 and PeterJL like this.
  7. 6RIPperTHE9

    6RIPperTHE9 Fapstronaut

    14
    1
    3

    I see. Did it ever have had any negative consequences for you? Like problems with the law etc?
     
  8. smoke_ash

    smoke_ash Fapstronaut

    From my own experience I can tell that this is 'all or nothing' challenge. You have to give up porn and all porn-like stuff completely. I've been there, so know what I'm saying.
     
  9. smoke_ash

    smoke_ash Fapstronaut

    From my own experience I can tell that this is 'all or nothing' challenge. You have to give up porn and all porn-like stuff completely. I've been there, so know what I'm saying.
     
    Burner1 likes this.
  10. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut

    158
    213
    43
    I had the same problem.

    My advice; treat it like a break-up. Because that's exactly what it is. Recognize that you are in an abusive relationship (with the people on the chat sites) and GET OUT!

    Don't worry about their feelings, don't worry about what anyone thinks about you. It will be okay. Just break it off. You might need to log in once or twice more to TELL people on the chat sites you aren't interested anymore (because that's what you do in a breakup) but after that ghost. It'll be okay.

    We're here for you.

    Just occurred to me that if P is objectifying women then the best way out is to personify P.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2019
  11. Wolf2019

    Wolf2019 Fapstronaut

    That is a really interesting, original idea. To treat porn like a bad relationship and break up with it. Thanks for that, it's really a helpful metaphor.
     
    Burner1 likes this.
  12. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut

    158
    213
    43
    It works well as a metaphor. But on chat sites, I'm not even sure it counts as a metaphor.

    Putting aside any dopamine rush, anything like that, you get to know the other chatters. You start to develop real feelings for them.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  13. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Yes.

    The opposite of porn addiction is intimate connection.
     
    Nikolai and PeterJL like this.
  14. distractedlocust

    distractedlocust Fapstronaut

    20
    12
    3
    I'm new here and struggling with everything, but your addiction sounds a lot like mine. Just know you're not alone and you're right to get help because it is highly addictive - it all comes down to the rush, the same one some people get from porn.
     
  15. ryguyuplift

    ryguyuplift Fapstronaut

    137
    206
    43
    This right here ^^^. This is what has helped me the most. I've never been addicted to chat sites, but for me, my addiction was creepshots - videos of girls walking around in public. But, here is the crazy thing, I never creepshotted girls I knew well, girls I was friends with, girls I went to school or worked with, or my girlfriends, no matter how hot they were. It's because I saw them as people, not objects.

    By journaling, reading, posting, commenting, and having conversations through this forum, it has allowed me to de-objectify and personify these women. Now, that I'm starting to see them as real people, my perspective is completely changing and decreasing my urges dramatically.

    At first, I tried to quit with willpower alone. I also dug into my past and worked with a therapist to try and untangle things. Eventually, I knew that I couldn't stop, so I blocked everything I could. Although this was a helpful step in the process, it wasn't enough to stop the urges, and I continued to act out, with porn, cruising and voyeurism, and even with sexual partners.

    For the first time, I'm gaining traction with my recovery because I'm rewiring my brain and de-objectifying women. For the first time, I actually could see myself dating a girl for the love, support, friendship, and companionship, when all of my past relationships have been completely based on sex. It pains me to admit this, but some of my past girlfriends were basically sex objects for me to play with. It caused a lot of damage to both parties and I don't want to live like this. I'm proud to say that I'm changing my perspective and I can't wait to be a great boyfriend to my future girlfriend or even wife.

    My recommendation is to journal your story and your recovery in detail and reflect on what you're going through. Even with this post. Like, what kind of stuff do you say to these girls, what exactly are you chatting about, how many people are you chatting with, what kind of girls are you chatting with, do you meet up with them? We may be able to chime in and help out if you give more details and also we can all dig through this mess together and all learn and benefit from it. It can help all of us with our recovery and we can all improve together. This forum is great because it allows all of us to band together and support each other almost like SAA. Without it, who knows if we'd ever heal ourselves.

    Thank you for sharing brother. Keep working hard and getting a little better every day and you'll get through this.
     
    PeterJL likes this.
  16. PasterofMuppets

    PasterofMuppets Fapstronaut

    436
    409
    63
    Yeah that is me too. Porn, any porn, is totally boring or too disgusting even for me now. I spent 5 hours chatting on telegram incognito chats last night pretendind I would meet guys to fuck them or sharing shemale material with random interested strangers. Or even acting out on sissy fantasies with bra and thongs. That shit is so hard to beat because, in the sickest way possible, you feel loved and in control of something for a brief moment, before it all comes down on you. But we all gotta keep going.
     
    6RIPperTHE9 and need4realchg like this.
  17. 6RIPperTHE9

    6RIPperTHE9 Fapstronaut

    14
    1
    3
    To you the same question: did you ever face any serious consequences because of this?
     
  18. AlivebecauseHeDiedforme

    AlivebecauseHeDiedforme New Fapstronaut

    2
    1
    1
    I think accepting a loss as a loss and moving on is one of the best things we can do. I'm a Christian, and it's His strength that keeps me going. I once read a story about an author and a navy seal. The author couldn't do pull ups very well, and didn't think he could do very many. The Navy seal made him do 5 at a time until by the end of the day, he'd done 100 pull ups. Sometimes, life is like that, we don't see how a simple goal is possible, and we try to take the whole thing on all at once (which proves it's not possible to us) but if you break it up into small enough steps, anything is possible if you cutv your losses and keep going plus, take some encouragement in getting over porn! That was no small feat!
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  19. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

    1,205
    5,846
    143
    What makes you think this is not porn? :confused:
     
  20. mrtambourineman

    mrtambourineman Fapstronaut

    22
    476
    48
    touche. i didn't even consider that haha but youre right. imo its a more extreme version of porn cause porn is just moving pictures or still pictures and chat sites.... are more dynamic and interactive and lord knows that can get very messy very quickly :'/

    I appreciate the support dude! they have no idea who i am personally or my screen name or anything of the sort, but it is abusive in that theyre looking to get something out of me and vice versa. also that i am hooked (but slowly getting off it) to a destructive behavior

    sorry for the late replies, i just read all of your posts and i really appreciate the advice. i haven't been on here as much as i wanted to be and that's really hurting me. but i'm going to change that. thank you all so much for the support, it truly means a lot :)
     

Share This Page