Dark days

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

Hello nofappers I am on day 53 and have started to struggle with some serious depression. I was never a depressed person before but in the past few weeks I've come to discover some hard facts of life, one being that my penis is below average.. 4.5 inches and not very thick. Throughout my whole life I always thought I was average being that I've had a tickling fetish since I was young and never watched porn with penetration. I've always been very outgoing and attractive and have had some beautiful girlfriends but none lasted long probably for sexual reasons. I'm a frontman for a band and have been losing my ability and confidence in performing. I could handle the fetish and even the pied because there's a solution but now my size is crushing me and I've been having very negative thoughts and dreams and feel as though I've awoken into a nightmare.

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

Why are you defining your entire life on your penis size?

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

Idk I think it's the fact that I've always assumed I was average and just discovered I not and I'm getting depressed thinking I'll Ever satisfy a woman, and now I've seen so many stories on how woman love their partner but can't enjoy sex and are considering ending the relationship. I feel like even if I overcome Fetish fantasies and pied I still won't be able to have a healthy sexual relationship that is mutually satisfying.

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

You are totally ignoring all of the stores where not all women view a man's penis the way he does. You are looking at it entirely wrong. Have you even entertained the idea that you have pleased the women you have been with. Remember, your penis did not change, only the size you thought it was has.

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

Actually because of pied I've never really been able to have satisfying sex either

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

Deal with the PIED issue and then worry about whether you satisfied women sexually. If you had sex with women and they didn't run from you, it stands to reason PIED was your problem and not penis. Again, your penis size hasn't changed just because you have discovered it is a different size than you thought. Have more faith in yourself than your penis size.

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

I'm trying man and I really appreciate the responses it means a lot, I know we all have our struggles and this has become mine I'm almost compulsively researching my size and feeling inadequate all the time thinking about it and even having dreams about it. Im definitely in a flatline and it blows the insecurity about it is eating me alive. Reading responses online from men and women talking about guys with a similar size to mine is gut wrenching. Just looking up 4.5 inch penis on google the first like ten posts are people considering suicide because of it and saying how many women left them because of it and they're all saying they're destined to die alone and all this shit

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

Do you know what you won't see, the men and women who are fine with a man's penis being 4.5 inches long. Why, they are enjoying life and not complaining. Notice on most blogs, most people on them are complaining of something. Most who aren't complaining aren't online not complaining about to issue. If your penis size is that debilitating to you, it's not your penis size that is your problem. You are ignoring other insecurities of yours and using your penis or the sexual area of your life as a scapegoat. It is easy to say your penis is a part of your esteem problem but most people (men or women) will never see it AND your penis has not changed, it was 4.5 inches when you thought it was larger. It's all in your mind! Would everything be back to normal if you happened to discover that you measured incorrectly and it was 5.5 inches?

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

It feels like it would, I know what you mean though I used to be over weight and was insecure about that, I'm the shortest man in my family and was insecure about that but I overcame those thoughts but now it's dick size which has cut deeper into my esteem than they ever did. I think it feels like an even bigger challenge because I've never thought about sex before nofap because I had a fetish the only reason I had sex was I thought I should to be normal the first time and the second time my gf initiated it. Since I never thought about it I never worried. Now I know I need to have sex to maintain a healthy relationship, so now I've been focusing on overcoming my fetish and pied and have discovered that I'm in the bottom few percent of men that are my size. It just seems like the cherry on top of a whole spectrum of sexual problems I have. Also sorry to go on for so long but I've been beating myself up lately for basically starving myself and smoking when I was 14 to lose weight to appeal to the opposite sex and thinking I stunted my growth in the process. I now look exactly how I wanted to except my dick..

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

You aren't bothering me at all. I want to help you as much as I can.
From what you have said thus far, it doesn't sound like you have gotten oner your past insecurities of height and weight. It sounds as though you only transferred those insecurities to you penis. What I mean is it sounds as though you've said to yourself "I'm no longer fat but I'm still really comfortable with my new body and old mindset, I wish I was taller but I can't change that... at least my penis is sufficient since my height and weight weren't" and now that you've found out that that area is not up to par with what you that it was/ should be, it sounds like you feel as though you cannot measure up with anybody in any area plus you and PIED.

The problem is your mind is in the wrong place. You've probably compared yourself with the male porn stars and knowing your aren't as large as they are, you placed comfort in at least being "average". You placed you confidence on shaky ground to begin with.

What about your talent, your music ability, your ability to entertain and make people happy simply by listening to your music, what about your personality? Do those things matter at all? It doesn't seem like it from what you've been saying.
A woman wants more than to be pleased in bed. Sure you read about other women who left men with your penis size but I bet they didn't mention being tired of reassuranibg the man that that wasn't a problem. You may have read about men wanting to die, that may be because, like you are doing, they placed their entire worth in their penis size.

The only time your penis size should be an issue to be very concerned about is if you planned on being a male prostitute. Even then, you body, attitude, charm and sexual ability may make up for penis size.

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

Thanks, the thing for me is that I never watched porn with dicks in it honestly haha so that's why I just assumed I was average. I know it's common for guys to feel inferior because of seeing male porn stars but that's not the case for me. I started to worry when I measured myself and looked it up right before nofap. Honestly I'm very comfortable in my talents and outward looks I've also had a lot of attention from girls in recent years but always avoided it because sex was like a foreign thing to me that other people did. I understand what my problem with that was but now I guess it's the fear of not being sufficiently large and having everyone find out. Idk what I would do but I feel like it would destroy me. I just really long for a normal sex life.. normal desires, normal function, and normal size.. none of which I have and people are definitely wondering and have asked me why I don't go for women

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

At the end of the day, you will have to become comfortable with yourself and that includes your penis size since that isn't changing. You mist definitely will not please a woman if you spend all of the time worrying about it.
If you are that worried about it, tell the world you are waiting until you get married. You must know not all women are so shallow that penis size is so important. How about wading through the masses until you find someone special and actually wait until marriage. If my chance you don't please her sexually, you will have to rest of your lives to find ways to do it. But spend this time devoting yourself on dealing with PIED. Your mind is your strongest sex organ and how you use that does more than anything else.

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

Well thanks for your time man I appreciate it, I don't think I will wait til marriage or anything like that I will try to deal with it step by step I guess. I've also been thinking of trying jelqing after my pied is cured idk if I will or not but I'm considering it. Best of luck on your journey

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

I hope I have helped you in some way.

Hisself · Dec 21, 2016

You did man, having some one to vent to and chat back and forth with means a hell of a lot being stuck in your own head isn't always the best thing. I've said so many things in this post alone that any one of them would have been impossible for me to face to face with someone

D . J . · Dec 21, 2016

Awesome! I'm glad I could help. If you ever want a sounding board, send me a message.

Many will create journals and share their thoughts there. That may help as well. To begin a journal, go to the rebooting journals, find your age group and begin a thread.

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Dark days

Hisself Fapstronaut

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