Day 2!

As of 4:30am EST I will be 'sober' for 2 days. I was shocked. I started having this massive anxiety attack and started getting hyper. Was getting angry for no reason. Felt like people were trying to attack me. Going back and forth from being defensive to offensive. This was just day one.

On top of that my wife's cousin might get her kids taken away from her. Which means her 4 kids have no place to go. Their dad(s) want nothing to do with them and my wife and I are the only people in the family that somewhat has their shit together. The only problem is my wife and I have 4 kids of our own. But we cant let them go to foster care.

I'd have 8 kids in a single wide trailer. Ages 11,8,6,4,2,2, and twin infants. Like that's a fucking mad house. I just couldn't imagine it being feesable right now. I think I'm most scared of these kids finding out about this pmo addiction in me. It's a monster that's worth the fight but it takes will power and strategic steps with a little help from some brothers of course. It feels possible.

During the day I'll take time to look on nofap because I'm so used to going to porn when anxiety hits me that I truly just couldnt focus on a game or what was going on around me. It helped and I truly feel blessed to be a part of this movement. To get the truth out and let other people know that this IS a problem and it should be spoken about and accepted in the public eye!

Sometimes in moments of sobriety we have ups and downs. I felt so good about my day earlier. Now as I lay here next to my sleeping wife. I feel the urg to reboot but I am trying to get it together. Like I dont think I realized that from age 8 ive used pmo for sleep, anxiety relief, and in my everyday life I usually will make a reference to sex with everything my wife says. I annoy myself with it sometimes but other times I just think I'm being funny. How did we get to this point?

How do we talk about something so taboo? We live in a world full of taboos but how is this any different? We are humans too. We have feelings but they are just buried and covered in porn, lube, and cum.

Ok im done ranting on. Good night everyone. Stay strong. Stay supportive. Never be afraid to ask for help.