Day 37 - noticing significant changes already!

Day 37

My desire to watch porn is effectively gone after learning about how extremely destructive it is to your psyche, self beliefs, personal value, trust within relationships. Any time I even have the slightest inkling of thought of porn, I have been able to nullify them by thinking of how porn provides no benefit to me at all, and how it extremely toxic it is to you.

I feel the sensitivity in my penis improving, and PIED not an issue the last couple of times during sex. The idea of watching porn again disgusts me, as it would undo all the good I have achieved so far.

I spend all of my spare time on increasing my knowledge on methods to get better, the science in how I fell into this pitfall, and how to overcome this addiction forever.

I have found being absolutely transparent with my SO, reaching out to friends and family and confiding in the ones I can trust, getting clinical psychological help, participating in forums such as mojo and nofap, mindfulness, having only cold showers, installing very intrusive phone blockers, all very helpful to tackle this issue from every angle possible.

I feel I am on the way up, with no desire to go backwards. I know I'm nowhere near cured of this issue, and have learnt of many pitfalls someone in my position can fall into to go back to square one.

Things haven't always been great on this path, with suicidal thoughts, depression, self loathing, anxiety always seeping into my life when times get really tough.

I trust in my path, and trust in the tools I have, the actions I can take if the urges come back, and trust in my loved ones for support.

My biggest challenge is rebuilding trust with my wife, as she can't see any of the benefits for herself. I'm still the same old person to her, who has lived through many years of deciet with me as I have tarnished so many memories and good years of our lives together. Things between us are still so up in the air, and she still often talks about leaving me.

I do this for the fact I know I can get better. I know it is possible.

Kia kaha guys, stay strong

 

Thanks mate. It's the first time easily getting to 35+days since learning all about nofap, reading ybop, doing lots of study into all this.
I have tried stopping all the way throughout our relationship because of the guilt I felt, but without much success