Hey all, today is the end of my fourth day and I've had amazing progress already. For one, I've been having a lot more energy and my brain has been processing faster. Placebo? Maybe, but either way I'm not complaining. That's not even the best part. I was able to reach O from my boyfriend's touch within a minute or two. It was shocking. All the other times he has attempted to touch me were painful and uncomfortable. This time it felt the way it was supposed to feel. The only downside is I did have to still imagine P in my mind as he was doing it, but the images were a lot less graphic. I want to rid myself of these images completely. It will probably just take time. I'm still aroused now that I'm home because I'm used to watching P after sex, but now I really feel like that's kinda dumb. Like why rush home to watch P when I just had the real thing? I think my brain now associates the two. I'm fighting the urge so I figured I'd post and browse on here for a while. I've also noticed a heaviness in the lower half of my body. It's not necessarily bad, just a bit annoying. But it was such a nice feeling to actually be able to look my boyfriend in the eyes while being intimate that it's making any temporary discomfort well worth it. I even noticed a difference in how intimate he was able to be towards me. Could just be a coincidence or confirmation bias, but I'm guessing not.
Just as an update, yesterday was fairly easy, didn't really have any sexual thoughts at all. I felt a sort of weird buzz (??) all day though, almost like an internal glowing feeling. I also felt like my depression has started to improve and I've been a LOT more productive. Today isn't going as smoothly. Woke up with a strong urge, so I tried to get out of bed as quickly as possible. However, not too soon after I got up, I saw an extremely hot picture on my Facebook and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. What makes it even worse is, although I'm seeing my bf tonight, it's that time of the month (TMI lol) and it's making me feel extremely sexually frustrated that I'll probably have to wait a whole week before I get any type of release. So my brain is trying to trick me, "Just have a quick look, it's ok, you'll feel better." I'm not fooled this time though! lol
