The last time I got to 60 days without PMO was summer 2015. After a conscious, rationalised relapse I sank into a dark period of heavy porn use. The welsh winter didnt help but ultimately I felt the weight of unmet expectation I had for myself, being 30 years old and unhappy, unstable and uninvolved with life. Fortunately after a bit of tough love from a friend, turned teacher I decided to get my shit together. I found work that I enjoyed, got myself a house and began working more on my emotional healing. Its been a rocky road so far but I feel stronger and more in the drivers seat now. I do not feel that porn has power over me. Before I could barely resist the urges for a few hours but now it feels like a choice whether I look at porn or not even though my brain chemistry is still seeking a huge dopamine rush. This has been one of the keys for me, to see the chemistry for what it is. I began using porn when I was 12/13 years old and am now 30. So its been 17-18 years of programming to rewire. Im finding exercise, meditation, eating well and choosing good company is very helpful. Also a BIG help has been Creativity. Whenever I feel familiar anxiety, depression, anger coming up that I used to hide from through using porn I write it on the page or I paint, sing with the guitar. Anything I can to express the feelings healthily and acknowledge them. Then the craving for PMO tend to subside. Also the emergency buttons on NoFap have been useful. They act as a circuit jammer so that no matter how strong the craving is from time to time. The button snaps me out of it and reminds me face on why im doing this. I hope this will help some of you to see the benefits that arise by doing the work and not just abstaining but beginning to replace the old habits with new life giving ones. Wish you all well on the journey. I'll be back to post when I reach 90 days.
