[Day339] Sex after a long while. AMA

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by whatrichme, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    On day 339 I have had my first intimate date after NF with my current lover (first met 2 weeks ago, and several light, fun, easy dates in between).
    It wasn't fireworks like dramatic and overwhelming, as we didn't chase for orgasm but focused on enjoying each other. It was loving and both of us seemed satisfied spiritually.

    Ask me anything, I will try to answer/inspire as much as i can.






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  2. hope2overcome_

    hope2overcome_ Fapstronaut

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    better than pmo? Give me an honest answer.
     
  3. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    Body touch, eye contact, human affection can never be replicated in PMO.

    PMO makes you feel empty, Real sexual interaction makes you feel complete.
    As a male you get greater control over the relationship after sex.
    You also enjoy real intimacy and the sense of belong between two people outside of the bed.
     
  4. When you reach that many days (339), did you feel any kind of relapse after sex? I'm new to nofap no PMO, so I'm not sure when is it ok to start having sex again. My guess is that its only okay when you feel like you've rebooted and you start seeing women as humans instead of sexual objects.
     
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  5. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

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    A little note about the challenges and techniques that got you to almost a year would be good.
    Not that many people post a Success Story...
    Well done mate.
     
  6. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    Given that I practice semen retention, I don't feel a relapse.
    As a fact, on Day340 (day after the intimate date), I gave a hug to a girl in a social event (the way I would to my lover on bed), this girl seemed turned on. We exchanged contact and will meet someday for our mutual interest.
    If you are into "superpowers" towards women, sex would make you stronger in that sense.

    I would say if you practiced NF long enough and starts to yield enough benefits, or you think sex would actually help you with NF, feel free to go for it.


    Expect less, stop counting, just quit P.
    A little step goes a long way, do it a step at a time.



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  7. Thanks for the advice man!
     
  8. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations bro feels so good to see your post

    2 questions....

    How did you guys meet?

    did you have an intention to meet some one or did it just happen?
     
  9. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    I did again made an intention to revamp my love life.
    Then within a week or two I was invited to check out an event by a performer, she was a (part-time) helper there.

    I had wants to fill my love life since the beginning of time, but it really took effort and time for some charm to make it possible.
    I did it with the help of NF, and a lot of self help books over time.

    Wasn't gamey at all (not really a veteran in this! My heart rushed)
    I simply asked her what I wanted to know and said whatever I felt like saying (Honest Communication by some school of thoughts), then exchanged contact
    These days we see/feel each other in us and enjoy sticking with each other.

    She wasn't the brightest girl at the scene we first met, she likes dark colored clothes and not so much into makeups.
    But after we got together she feels a lot more secure and comfortable with herself, her new micro expressions, and willingness to try feminine clothing makes her a lot more beautiful.
    When you see someone that "feels like it" but doesn't "looks like it", you may as well give her a try, intuition tells a lot.




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  10. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    That's a beautiful story bro thanks for that.

    I fully agree with giving people a chance.

    I recently met a woman who was not really my typical type but after speaking to her I was really finding her amazing in so many ways.

    But this can also go too far, wherein the past i have dated girls who really didn't fit my standards like not having any sense of fashion and I was trying to change them, i realized I can not really change someone and if i can't love them as they are, they are never going to change just to please me.


    wish you two amazing experience that really fulfills your souls
     
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  11. NuevaAmerican

    NuevaAmerican Fapstronaut

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    Did you have PIED before your reboot? How hard was your erection during your intimate date?
     
  12. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your words.

    You can't really change people.
    My previous girlfriend (before NF, and my very reason for NF) had a ton of traumas and been r_ped when young.
    That I would consider a problem and it was just plain difficult.

    If there is a slight incompatibility I would choose to expand myself so I can accept them. After-all no relationship is "too difficult" for me now.


    My erection was very inconsistent before NF.
    During the date, control was super and erection was good enough (not quite yet boners I had in my early 20s, but i am now in my early 30s).
    All in all, I think I am 80-90% of where I want to be. When the relationship deepens I think I will get there.
     
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  13. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your story.
    Congratulations i know the feeling you have. It probably feels really fkn good.
    So i actually can say i am happy for you! : )
    It really sounds familiar.

    It is good to hear that you are having less problems with your PIED now.
    I think 2 things can make erections really great again.
    1) Fully quitting porn forever and only starting to M(O) if you have had sex once with a girl without any problems.
    2) Embracing when our dick is soft, not getting discouraged and learning how to work around that. Not putting any pressure on yourself, nor letting the wamen do it, is key to having fun in the bedroom, imo.
     
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  14. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    @whatrichme REsponse to your post bro ...

    Rape and trauma is very normal - the question of how much has she worked on her self. I know women who have been raped and traumatized who are so powerful free and empowering could be my own mentor - but there are others who are emotional mess and super needy, so the key is to see if they match our level of consciousness and if we can work together, because we are all wounded at some deep level from our childhood and I think one of the purposes of our relationship is to bring out our wound patterns to be seen, healed and transcended.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019
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  15. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    We have had a similar topic somewhere else and i looked up how common Rape and trauma is.

    And to my surprise, it is shockingly common. Apparentely, every 1 in 5 woman went through any kind of abuse in her life, the numbers seems to be even higher in Africa, South East Asia and the Middle-East.

    That means, out of 100 women, 20 of the have experienced some kind of abuse.
    It is imperative for your own happiness that you figure out how to deal with a woman who has been through something like that and whether she worked on it or still has major issues about it.

    Unresolved Rape/Abuse-issues can be a major red-flag.
    If a woman would be telling me about it, i would be super comforting at first and see if she can become better and heal from it with my help.
    But if she can't or doesn't even want to, i am out.
    I am her partner after all, not her therapist. I am not qualified to heal something deep like that.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019
  16. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    Yes it can get messy if its not the right fit.

    I have met some really beautiful, open women who were super into me, but i chose to turn around and walk away cause I knew what i'm getting myself into -

    If i sense lack of maturity and/or the need to turn me into her savior I immediately communicate that this is not going to be a romantic relationship

    I have made the mistake of continuing conversations and dates with girls who were hot but had too much-unresolved stuff, and I found myself becoming a counselor giving free coaching sessions on every get together lol

    But it becomes super painful for me if i find my physical body is attracted to her and so on one level i want to continue the relationship but I knew this is not going to go anywhere, and it is a painful situation to be in.

    So I find the sooner I let them know and close the romantic door the best for everyone and no one gets hurt.
     
  17. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    just some quick responses:

    I had an unintended relapse (around 280 days in, just from massaging) that took away several months of progress.
    Being the best version of myself is my goal, just can't house M and self-induced O anymore.

    I realized women doesn't always want the hardest and thickest D. Just try again next time because what they want is the connection and synergy.


    You guys speak my mind.

    I still remember when she told me about her trauma, she was calm and just wanted to well inform me because I mattered for her.
    That was very genuine. So I tried to be as loving and accommodating as possible.
    A relationship like that challenged my every value. The iron wall and her inability to give in was the hardest to digest. She also triggered some of the sickest things inside of me.
    But I heard she started to see a psychologist/therapist after we broke up, and she formally thanked me for things I did.
    Hopefully we are both off for something better.
     
  18. luke132

    luke132 Fapstronaut

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    Did you ejaculate in orgasm? Did you orgasm at all?

    If not was this on purpose and how did you prevent it?
     
  19. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    I didn't O nor E.
    There were some point where my partner came close but I didn't continue. She seemed confused at first but I said all I want is to enjoy and feel more about each other today.
    Go up till 50-70% then touch, tease and chat. Then do more.

    O and E can indeed be separated for men, but that's another story.
     
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  20. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Good man. I would have still made her come though. I think wamen loose way less and regenerate their energy much quicker. They also don't have the physical semen loss equivalent as far as i know.

    But i really like your thought about not making it about the orgasm. I would just specify this before i start, otherwise ill that that confused look as well :)
     

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