Delayed Ejaculation

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by djmotion, Apr 15, 2017.

  1. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Hey, so I've always lasted anywhere from 10 mins to 3 hours during sex. I've just read that DE can be caused by porn use or excessive masturbation. Well I know that porn is definitely bad and masturbation is bad if it's excessive but why is DE considered bad when it comes to NoFap cause most girls seem to like guys lasting a while? I wouldn't like to only last 2 minutes and not be able to satisfy my partner. This is also one of my worries that when I overcome PMO addiction, I might not last very long in bed, although with a consistent partner after having sex a few times I may hopefully last longer.
     
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  2. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    That is understandable, but at least not lasting is 'natural', in the sense that it is to be expected from somebody who hasn't O'ed in a while, while lasting a very long time and being unable to climax isn't.
    I had DE (one of the reasons why I started nofap) and it was very annoying. Lasting a long time was maybe good for my girlfriend but not finishing even when I wanted to and was getting tired was terrible.
    A friend of mine who couldn't last a while got really good at giving his girlfriend oral...that may be something to consider :emoji_confused:.
     
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  3. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I've always been the kind of guy to think about the girls pleasure more than my own which I think has made me unique from most of their exes, I'm in decent enough shape so never really tired out quick. I think it would just be the feeling of not being good enough to make her orgasm and the embarrassment of ejaculating straight away that would bother me. I suppose when it comes to having sex I could just explain to her that I ain't orgasmed in a while so might not last long lol
     
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  4. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Yeah they should be able to understand that; it would be incredibly selfish of them not to. Regarding the feeling of needing to please the woman, I read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which suggests to never put the pleasure of the woman as a top priority, otherwise you'll end up settling for bad sex without realizing it and feeling resentful later. From my experience, the best sex I've had was when I was taking care of myself most of the time...somehow they end up enjoying that even more.
     
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  5. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I gotta be honest, putting the girl first is more of a selfish choice from me. I kinda get a confident feeling from making a girl orgasm so I do it to feel good myself really, just one of my bad sexual habits that I need to kick to the curb haha. I think the best sex is when you both just ain't trying to please each other, ya just in the moment. Not had that in 7 years though cause of this shitty PMO addiction.
     
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  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    As a partner of a man that has DE let me avail you of any myth that women enjoy that, we do not. Having sex with a man that lasts more than 20-30 min may be okay a few times but in a long term relationship it totally sucks. It gets painful and boring and most men with the porn induced type can make themselves orgasm in minutes but cannot orgasm with a partner at all. The woman feels unattractive and unable to please the man and it causes the end of many relationships. Most women eouid rather have a man with PE. Long term relationships with men with DE are not enjoyable.
     
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  7. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I don't think mine is necessarily porn induced, I think it's because I've been ejaculating almost everyday for as long as I can remember so I think it's more from being desensitized cause I can also last a while whilst masturbating which is a big problem because that means I'm watching porn for long lengths of time before ejaculating. I do get really sensitive down there when I go a few days without masturbating though so it feels like I might not last long in bed anymore from doing NoFap and I know you may prefer PE but I've had positive comments from girls in my life telling their friends I last long in bed and my longest relationship is 2 years so I can't say whether they would have kept enjoying it. I think it would just destroy my confidence if I orgasm'd straight away and then had to explain why.
     
  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If you suffer from DE it is highly unlikely that you will O right away if you stop Ming. Just stop the P and the daily M. Eventually you will become so desensitized that you will be unable to O at all with a woman and will suffer other forms of ED look around on here and see what the guys with DE have to say.
     
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  9. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    True, I know that my symptoms from porn use are getting worse cause I've increasingly been watching more hardcore stuff and I can't get hard when using a condom so if I carry on then I may end up with ED at this rate and I'm only 26 so time to quit, going hard-mode for 180 days then I can only have sex from then on so hopefully everything will be okay.
     
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  10. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Give the book a read, it really helps out in that compartment. PM me for a PDF if you can't get hold of it.
     
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  11. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Found it, it doesn't teach you to become an asshole though does it? I know that you should find ways to make yourself happy and not let people walk all over you but being arrogant and a dick is a sure fire way to end up alone.
     
  12. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    It addresses that straight from the beginning. The book is for people who suppress themselves, their needs and their feelings believing that doing so will get them a good life, filled with love and friends (this was me...I never considered what I actually wanted out of life, just did what got me positive feedback from others). The book is about being fairer to yourself, and in doing so you'll attain the relationships lifestyle that fit your authentic self. Of course this little text won't do it justice, read it and you will find out. On my second read though now and I'm not an asshole, just not a people please anymore. I'm also less angry and resentful :)
     
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  13. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    The nice guy syndrome section seems understandable to me especially the one about preferring the company of women, I do see guys as more angry and abusive so I tend to avoid hanging with them really. In fact I only have 1 male friend and he's gay, there are other guys who have tried becoming mates with me but I don't respond like they ask me to go out and I just come up with excuses if there ain't any girls going out, guess I don't like "guy time"
     
  14. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    My fiancé also thought originally his DE was due to him being too focused on pleasing me (he was giving in bed initially but later lazy) then it was ADD, then anxiety, then his thyroid, then low testosterone (both were normal), then he needed some pill to fix it. Anything dear God please let it be anything but PMO because he did not want to give that up. It's amazing to me the lengths men will go to to find some other cause. Of the list above the easiest least invasive fix is giving up porn and masturbation so I say go with that first. If say over 6 months you see zero improvement then go to a doctor and see a counselor look for other causes. But I would say 90% of the time if a man is viewing porn and masturbating frequently that's the culprit when it comes to DE. Most importantly be honest with yourself, your healthcare providers and your partner. In my case my partner was telling everyone he stopped PMO but never did. So here we all were for 10 months trying to fix the issue and find a cause when he was not giving the full story. He would not admit to himself the Pmo was causing the problem so he just kept doing it, even when health care providers told him it was. So I want you to know you are not alone in the way you feel. While there often is a complex set of issues that cause DE and you should not in anyway be swayed from seeking those out and educating yourself. Realize that stopping the pmo is your first step. You are young my partner is 47 and been doing it for more than 20 years. It's harder the longer it goes on for.
     
  15. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I've been viewing porn for 21 years (since I was 5 approx) so it's pretty bad and I orgasm'd as a child then when I ejaculated for first time I was hooked on orgasm then I lost my virginity when I was 16 and it got worse, I just wanted sex all the time even though I lasted ages, luckily my gf at the time liked me lasting ages (most of the time). As for now, I don't have a partner, if I did it would be easier cause I wouldn't be embarrassed if I ejaculated fast after reboot but if I reboot then meet a girl and the first time we have sex I ejaculate straight away that's just gonna be embarrassing.
     
  16. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    A quick testimony : I've used PMO for over 25 years and I suffer from a bad case of DE, strengthened by some crappy self-esteem and a mind that couldn't disconnect from furious overthinking. I didn't have a clue that P use (we can safely say ab-use now I suppose) was causing such things, and when my latest relationship blew up in pieces, undermined by unavoidable resentment from my gf who couldn't stand anymore to "not being able to please me" (which are her words), I decided to take action and stumbled upon NoFap. A couple of 100+ days challenges under my belt helped me a great deal to get past the DE which has now reached bearable levels - 20 to 25 minutes in a "less than optimal" situation (barely known partner, half-drunk...). It's not quite the average but then again I haven't had a stable partner since I started NoFap last year. It's promising anyway, and I encourage you DJ to stay true to what you want to accomplish : getting rid of something that's deeply rooted in your physical and mental habits.

    I'd say fear not being "too quick", because this can be fine tuned afterwards. You already mentionned the difference between first times and follow ups (it's so flat and unromantic when said like that; sorry.) which can make a difference. To adjust how long you can last, I hear people also use a few meditation techniques, breathing, the "type of" sex you and your partner are having... If you orgasm faster, you won't want to explain why, trust me on that. You'll be happy as Larry that it happened this way this fast, after all the hours of "working for it" that you've always known - that's what happened to me anyway. Of course if your partner is very demanding in this way and your priority is to give her 3h long sex sessions every night, that's another story... But like many many women have said about this topic, this is highly unlikely because : boredom, burns, irritations, pain, sleep deprivation, infections, etc etc.

    You're right @GG2002 , the lengths we go to avoid putting our PMO use in perspective are frightening. I suppose once we've come to such community, reading the stories and discovering more than we knew sort of forces us to consider the severity of our conditions and then obviously act to start getting better. A question for you if you don't mind me asking : once your partner admitted that PMO was in fact at the center of his issue, could he make sufficient changes to his lifestyle and habits to recover a more acceptable performance in bed? Or is he still working on it so you still can't see any changes?
     
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  17. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. Before stopping PMO My partner only was able to O from me once in 12 months and that was from my hand while we were away on a two week vacation and he could not PMO. At the time I did not know that was why. Within three weeks of stopping he was able to O with me twice from oral. As for intercourse we are still working on that. If he can never O from intercourse will that be okay for me honestly probably not. But our sex life for a year involved him Ming on me with his eyes closed which was not enjoyable for me at all so it's certainly improved. I think many men only want to stop PMO if they can be sure it will fix their DE and immediately. When they don't see results they say this is not worth it and go back to it. It takes time and both partners have to be patient. I am not sure the extent of your issue with your ex but I will say DE is a huge issue for us ladies. We do want to please you and we are trying very hard to do it and nothing works. Then we find out that you can O to porn with no problem and that kills our self esteem. The situation becomes one where the man can only O with his hand the woman finds sex that always ends like that to be disgusting as it lacks intimacy and makes her feel inadequate and feels used as a MO tool. So both parties stop wanting sex and the man goes back to Ming because it's the only way he can O. Not fun.
     
  18. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Let me let you in a little secret, 99% of men ejaculate quickly the first time they have sex with a new girl. Trust me on that one. Maybe even the second or third. They never tell each other that so you dont know but we women do ! I am 39 years old and have had my share of partners. It is not something unique to young guys either. We don't care about that we expect it. So dont worry about that. We would be more concerned if you did not O at all.
     
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  19. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this! makes me feel better knowing that someone has gotten through it and it hasn't totally reversed into PE or anything. I'm hoping that my next girlfriend will be my last so she should hopefully be a nice girl and understanding anyway. It's a shame that we have to worry about how long we last really, it seems that it's either too long or not long enough. Why can't relationships just be about 2 people being together like it used to instead of putting too many sexual pressures on each other. This is actually one of the reasons I'm doing PMO cause I felt like I was getting to the point where I expected women to act like porn stars.
     
  20. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I think the difference between me and your partner is, I never had a problem orgasming, it just took a while and I would have to get really close to her and tense to orgasm so I suppose I shouldn't have to do that and if I'm squeezing them tight then I could hurt her. I always just assumed that I could last a while, it's always been like that since I started masturbating except from when I go more than 3 days without M then I ejaculate anywhere from 10-30 mins.
     

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