Delayed Ejaculation

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by djmotion, Apr 15, 2017.

  1. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to this as well because if they do move then like I said above it's like your semen gets sucked back in just as you were about to ejaculate so you end up having to start over or giving up, I've never shouted at them but if I was in a long term relationship then it could turn into shouting and it makes sense how the girl blames herself and makes her feel shit. If someone ejaculates early though then at least the girl feels good enough so yeah I know where you're coming from.
     
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Trust me the girl already feels bad enough without the yelling or blaming. It's not that we are not trying or moving on purpose but when you have been giving oral for an hour it's painful and you start to feel nauseous. I've gotten to a point when I had shoulder pain for weeks as a result. So if a man has a partner willing to put that much effort into it he needs to be understanding and careful when it comes to yelling or criticizing or the girl will for sure leave him. I mean most women would eventually give up trying and leave so if she's sticking it out recognize that. I agree for guys worried about PE at least then the girl sees it as you do find her attractive. And with DE sex is a whole tadoo, usually has to be planned and takes up way too much time. If people lead busy lives it normally turns into a sexless relationship. Hey we've got 10 minutes before the kids wake up means nothing to a couple where the man has DE.
     
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  3. Tubal

    Tubal Fapstronaut

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    DE can be caused by PMO. Don't kid yourself. BTW, it's not fun for a woman either. She wants to know she turns you on. But, besides PMO there are lots of medicines that do it, like depression and blood pressure pills, not to mention street drugs.
     
  4. Yes, exactly. The effort required on the man to O makes sex unenjoyable for both parties. And until porn/masturbation is correctly identified as the root of the problem, it will lead to unhappiness, much less sex, and potentially the end of the relationship.

    I have no doubt there are many sexual dysfunctions unrelated to porn, and am not suggesting otherwise, but it is absurd to continue using porn and thinking your DE is unrelated or even her fault. The disturbing thing is how easy it is to convince yourself of that (on both sides, I suspect, as a lot of women also view porn as unproblematic).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2017
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  5. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I was on anti-depressants a few years ago, that was the worst, I literally couldn't orgasm at all. Mine is caused by excessive masturbation though I'm guessing.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Same thing ha
    Same thing happened to me and I'm female. If you are on an antidepressant and never had DE before that's likely the culprit. The only one that does not cause that is Wellbutrin or so my doc says. It's different for everyone though. As @AverageBear says if you PMO and have DE its more than likely the cause or a contributing factor so quit it and see what happens. If it works it saves you a lot of doctors visit. And if you can't stop or are resistant to stop ask yourself why?
     
  7. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    It's definitely PMO, I've always had DE but I started PMO very young so I would never remember having a fast orgasm although I've noticed that going a week without O I always ejaculate faster so I personally think it's the masturbation, it makes more sense that if you masturbate every day you will feel less sensitive which in turn will delay orgasm. Even if I quit PM but get a girlfriend and we have sex every day I would probably find that I start lasting longer again.
     
  8. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    There's so much in all you say that I can relate to, it's uncanny. Thanks to you all for sharing all this about DE and your experience from many points of veiw, it truly hits home here.
    <3
     
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  9. AscendRestore

    AscendRestore Fapstronaut

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    DE is really frustrating.

    Your body can go through all the usual signs of approaching an orgasm. Faster breathing, thrusting, sweat etc. but it just goes nowhere, you get breathless, the inside of you feels vacant, your reach and reach and reach for it but it is beyond your grasp. Just a flat, spacey feeling where a climax might have been. But perhaps worse than just that "I need a second to catch my breath and try again" is ... the anticipation that DE will occur, then the self-doubt and the anxiety and the discomfort that sex will be a thing that exposes something embarrassing or frustrating. And that is a cycle that is a pain to break.

    On anti-depressants this could get really bad. If PM is this hyper-excitement activity... just imagine how much more damaging PM can get if you (with a doctor's guidance) medically suppressed your orgasm with Prozac so that you had to stay in this super aroused, novel state for even longer before you could finish. I haven't been medicated for several years, but I'm concerned by how bad one-to-two-to-three hour masturbation marathons may have affected my brain and body.
     
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  10. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I'm the same as this, I typically don't last as long as I used to (about 30-60 mins now) but through my teens I was just masturbating for hours and when my friend asked how long it takes me to cum I said "about 1 and half hours" and he burst out laughing but I thought that was normal at the time so I couldn't understand why he was laughing but it was probably because he didn't believe me.
     
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  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly on how long you last! That's not normal. Most men last under 10 minutes after penetration and that's totally normal take it from a woman. I think porn may warp men's brains to make them think they should last for an hour or more. I suppose some women may enjoy sex lasting that long but most would be in serious pain and bored and in a long term relationship sorry ain't no one got that kind of time to dedicate everytime we have sex. You have kids a job etc and the woman will likely dred the thought of sex when she thinks of how long it's going to last and turn the man down a lot! I'm not sure how men get so caught up in this stamina issue, where does that come from the idea women want intercourse to last for an hour? It does not come from actual living women.
     
  12. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I hate to break this to you but it actually does come from real women and not porn, I blame porn for a lot but not the stamina problem. I've heard so many girls in my life say "OMG, he could last all night" I've never heard a girl say "OMG, he lasted 5 mins, it was amazing", I'm not sure if it's something with the younger generation of women but from what I know about them (I have a lot of female friends) they seem to prefer sex to last a while. Apart from you the quickest I've heard a woman say she wants sex to last is about 15-20 mins, others have said more than 30 mins. They seem to put a lot of pressure on guys to perform to be honest and they don't even realize it, for once I'd like a girlfriend that just didn't care about the sex side of things.
     
  13. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I suppose it could be a generational thing. I mean most women in their 30s are busy with families and leading very hectic lives. So I tend to think when those women are older they will want the long sex sessions less and less. Out of the 20 or so girlfriends I have not a single one would want sex that long I know we talk! I also wonder how many of your female friends have been in a long term relationship with a man who takes that long and if they still feel the same? You have to remember what people say and what they are actually doing in bed are usually two different things. They talk a big game just like men do. Many women are also warped by porn and think that men should last long. I would bet you money if any of your female friends had a partner with whom they had daily sex with who lasted an hour everytime they would change their tune. Sorry women do care about sex in a relationship. If you don't click in bed the relationship is doomed from the start so it's very important. You probably could find a woman who does not care about sex they are out there but then you would complain you never had sex it's a catch 22. A study in the journal on research and sex found that the average time sex lasted was 7 minutes and women would like it to last about 14 minutes.
     
  14. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I've never had any complaints in bed, I'm just saying that it's not everything. It's like if all us guys only want a girl who had big tits or was amazing at blowjobs, how would girls feel if it's all we cared about? You may see my taking long in bed as a bad thing but what all girls have told me, they've seemed to enjoy it and when a guy couldn't perform in bed for example PE, couldn't get it hard, too small, they've usually always complained about it. Now the main thing I don't like about it is I feel desensitized so I wanna get back to the point where sex feels amazing and I will hopefully be able to last as long as the girl wants me too rather than "too long" or "too quick". That's why I'm quitting PMO along with the fact that I have bad social anxiety which I'm hoping NoFap will help. As for long term relationships, it depends on what you consider "long term". If someone has been married 20 years and like you say has kids and other things going on then yeah you ain't gonna wanna have sex for hours per day but obviously I'm still single and like you say if women care so much about sex then imagine if I meet a girl and ejaculate straight away? she ain't gonna wanna be with me if you all care about sex so much.
     
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  15. I think you're creating a false dichotomy between PE and DE. I think we can agree that neither is ideal, and it's not really useful to debate which is worse. The point is it's hopefully possible to have neither.

    Your comments about feedback on duration from women is interesting, though. I would have assumed that @GG2002's comments were how most women felt (I'm not the kind to talk about this kind of thing to people other than my SO, who would look at c. 20 mins (plus foreplay) as the sweet spot) but I guess it probably varies. And available time is obviously a big factor. But in my experience, she'll eventually start getting physically uncomfortable plus, frankly, if I'm approaching the half hour mark, it's probably not gonna happen.
     
  16. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I think it all depends on personal experience to be honest, I just happen to have been with women that have enjoyed having sex for a while. The worst case was when I was with a girl for 2 years and we had sex far too often so one time I lasted about 3 hours and we ended it in foreplay but she was complaining about her arm hurting and that and telling me to hurry up but that was just a one-off for us and there was another time when I was having sex and couldn't finish so I gave up after about 40 mins cause I weren't enjoying it to be honest and she felt like it was cause I wasn't turned on by her (which was actually true though, I just didn't wanna hurt her feelings so I said "I always last ages").
     
  17. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely verified from where I stand (and stood)! One-nighters that last hours and hours and hours *can* (definitely not everytime) produce the "omg what a stud he lasted all night yo" type of comments, but after a few months/years the sex definitely ain't the same, the relationship ain't the same, and most women start being frisky/hesitant about starting that cuddling session you've beeen longing for, because she doesn't have 4h of free time to dedicate to that! So sex lives dwindle, relationship falters, etc etc. Maybe women who haven't experienced that ever do have this as a fantasy to try out someday. Many fantasies are best left unpacked/untouched/untried, though. (Because when we reach them they taste like ash, and the dream is gone.)

    To be honest I've been lucky, my last relationship was with an amazing woman who didn't mind the frequent sleep deprivation, who wasn't in pain even after 2+ hours (3h started to be rough though), who for a long while was ok with the fact that my pleasure wasn't in O only, and who enjoyed our intimacy time as much as I did. It took us about 3 years and a few other major external factors for the DE issue to explode in our faces (pun not intended). I guess if you can't do anything about the DE, maybe find someone that fits that specificity (not the extreme 4h+ kind) it can be something interesting to live. Just like some women I know have a really tough time after only a couple of minutes of penetration - finding a PE partner that matches in chemistry and other compatibilities and sentiments, maybe?

    Anyway back to PM induced DE, it can be the plague in your sentimental/sex life. At some point I remember having to FAKE O's, as a guy, you read that right. My partner was really wondering WTF was happening, and I was getting anxious, and she felt it, and it started to feel like... something forced, something sex should never be... and I faked. That's a humbling experience that I wish to no one, ever. Getting rid of DE has been the main thing that drew me to NoFap and I guess somehow I'm grateful to be plagued with it, to some degree... (Time to be cured tho!)

    It's the worst isn't it? I've had so much of that too. Tells a great deal about how f*cked up our world views regarding everything sexual has been since we got drowned in P, I guess. It's a little bit sad, because after interesting and enlightening NoPMO streaks, even when the P gets out of our lives, we still lack a correct and adapted sexual references, like a hole in the garden where we don't have anything to plant, yet. Until we get out there and figure it out, like teenagers do. Only problem is we ain't teenagers, so aren't our partners, and to be honest that scares me a lot, being so disconnected from the codes and scales that my peers and partners might have in their garden and flourishing for decades... Any idea on how to overcome this?
     
  18. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Yep my arm hurts my mouth hurts everything else in my body hurts. I probably am developing a urinary tract infection but I'm gonna keep telling this guy I want more. Not! Personally I think your experiences are unique in that I've looked at multiple studies where women report exactly what I'm saying. But everyone has their own experiences with women. As @AverageBear says PE and DE are both not fun but id pick a man with PE over DE And I've had both as long term partners. I also think what you describe as PE is not actually PE but you not lasting as long as you would prefer. That is not medically PE. Have you ever been with a girl where you oed quickly? Because on the first few encounters it's really expected by us. And as far as DE the issue is you cannot control O at all. So if you want it to be an hour or 30 minutes it's still going to be 3 hours or you may never O at all. The lack of sensitivity you are experiencing is the first trip down the DE road. There is a huge difference between wanting a woman with big boobs and a butt and wanting to be with a man who can function in bed. The comparison to a man who wants boobs and butt is a woman who wants huge muscles and nice hair on a man. The comparison to PE or ED is a woman who is frigid meaning you are unable to enter her at all or only for a second or two. The comparison to DE is a woman that you can never make O. The only way she can O is by looking at other men naked and using her hand. People need to be compatible in bed that's not about looks. My last piece of advice is stop overthinking and worrying about having PE. Just work on stopping PMO now and you can see where to go from there, I suspect your sex life will be much better. Don't try to convince yourself that you can't give up Pmo because you will get PE shut that voice down.
     
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  19. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I know that PE is ejaculating before you even have intercourse so yeah I don't think I made it very clear, it's not so much PE I'm worried about, I don't think I'll get that but it's more than I won't last long and then rather than being "the guy who could go all night" I will be "the guy who can't last more than 2 mins". I guess you're right about quitting PMO, I just have to do it and see what happens because over the past year my sex life has been bad and I've been sleeping with girls that weren't even my type.
     
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  20. Tubal

    Tubal Fapstronaut

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    Whether it's too long to O or too fast you can't gauge by the results of a poll or the "average". It is completely individual couple based. If they're both fine with 5 minutes or 90 minutes, then there is no DE or PE. When it affects either member then it's a problem.
     
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