So, I think you have had to at least hear the phrase, “love comes to you when you least expect it.” For some, it’s genuine advice that tells you to stop searching so hard for girls or trying so hard to get a girlfriend. However, when people say that, a lot of people think it means just sit around on your couch and the girl will fall into your lap. That’s not what it means at all. It means when you live your life to the fullest and don’t worry too much about meeting an attractive girl, you tend to find someone when you never expected to. You could be at a diner and the waitress may flirt with you even if you were just minding your own business. Will you still have to make the first move? Most likely. I mean, if the gates are open, go through. I just see people take this saying way too literally and it’s not everyone, but forums where this phrase comes up, everyone says it’s terrible advice and you can’t just stay home to find a girl. Duh! Of course, you have to be in the open world to be presented with an opportunity. You will have to put the work in, but there will be an opportunity presented for you to advance on if you choose to. Just live your life and let the line guide you towards something special. Let fate have the wheel. I know it sounds cheesy and too Disney, but it just happens to work. Most of the relationships I have had were by total un- expectancy. I still worked and got them in the end, but an opportunity was presented for me to be able to work towards that relationship with the girl. They didn’t work out, but that’s not the only opportunity you’re gonna get.
Agree, work on yourself. Have and amazing and happy life. Woman or man are going to be attracted to be part of your life. Summary: be amazing, go out there and you are going to bump into yout next relationships sooner or later. Do nothing, stay at home and you are going to die alone or in a long distance relationship with a person that you will never met in person and will use you for emotional dischange.
This is true in a way, someone told me once: when you stop chasing nature, nature comes to you. It's the times you don't actually need a girl that they come running at you. For example when you have a girlfriend, then all girls start texting and noticing you. And it's in those times of no need that I ask myself "why do they come now if I don't need them" it's like what's the point of taking medicine if you are not sick haha As the great Morgan freeman said "let women come to you, show your interest then walk away". Women are chasers.
The reason I have an issue with it is because it just seems to be the go-to phrase as though you can apply it to every situation, in some cases though it just comes off as a baseless platitude like "give it time" or "it'll come" etc. So you have a guy who is at school/college, he says he's hanging around with a lot of girls, going on dates etc but none of it goes anywhere or he keeps getting rejected. In this case telling him to focus on himself is a good piece of advice. Likewise you have a guy who says he's out of shape, broke, has a crippling porn addiction etc asking for advice, telling him to focus on himself is again the correct thing to tell him. However where it all falls down is when you get someone saying they're lonely, they want to meet girls, date, get a girlfriend, whatever but they don't know anyone or how to meet them. Telling this guy to just focus on himself is useless advice, if he's extremely lucky he may get a girl randomly fall into his lap while he's sat at the park or drinking a coffee but it's highly unlikely at best. If you're not in an environment where you're surrounded by girls then you need to put yourself in their orbit, "focusing on yourself" ain't gonna do shit. Go to bars, go to clubs, get on social media, get on dating apps, go to events, festivals, concerts, meetups etc etc. The point is you have to actively make it happen, focusing on yourself and hoping one day it will all just magically come together is setting yourself up for disappointment.
