If you have read my previous submissions, you may know that I am insecure, socially anxious, and have deep psycological issues at the root of my PMO addiction. I am in a relatively large family. I have 4 sisters, and a brother. It may be self pity talking, but of all my siblings, I seem to have the most social issues. All my siblings have been able to have serious relationships once they hit maturity. My younger brother has had many girlfriends. He is 23, he is moving in with a girl he met online. He doesn't have a college degree, or a job, but he manages to attract girls easily. My oldest sister is a lesbian, she always manages to find a girlfriend, my next older sister has a boyfriend of 4 years, and they seem to be going in the direction of marriage, if she doesn't cheat on him again. My two younger sisters are only 9, but they are more dynamic and confident than me. I do not envy them their happiness. I am happy for them. I take a honest look at myself and wonder, do I have the recessive genes? I am the only one with a problem with PMO in my family. Maybe because I do not value my semen? Even now, on day 10, I rationalize why O-ing is okay for me, because there is no reason to save my semen. Of my siblings, I'm the only one with freckles, I have extremely white skin, a neanderthal size head, a small, tight mouth, I cannot grow a beard, yet my legs are very hairy. I always had to work hard to maintain a healthy body image, whereas it comes naturally to my siblings. I am a graduate student in engineering. I am studying genetic algorithms: a decision making tool based on Darwin's theory of evolution. The strongest individuals in a group are naturally chosen to pass on their genes, in order to strengthen the future generations. My insecurity, and weakness in the face of PMO addiction, comes from doubting the value of my own semen. If I valued my genes, I would be more likely to be more confident with real women. The reason I think I want to jizz into a sock or tissue every day is because I don't believe I am worth spreading my genes to the next generation. This leads to the inevitable set of personal problems that come from burying myself in PMO addiciton. Obviously, I have some soul searching, and self discovery to do. I have to learn ways to increase my damaged self-esteem. I should not compare myself to my siblings, because I believe I'm on my own path, that will lead to finding someone right for me. I cannot make excuses to fap until I find a partner, because now I know I will not be fit to satisfy her, because of ED, if I do not rewire my brain now. I'm just bearing my weaknesses, because I believe I have to address and heal my deeply rooted psycological issues to beat this addiction.
Well I think your looking at this thing all wrong. There is societies version of strength, and then there is natures. Natures version of strength isn't about strength at all, it's simply about reproduction and survival. You sound like a smart person, perhaps your strength is mental which is the only way that we are superiour to animals. Almost every animal is stronger then us, physically. That could be something worth passing on. It sounds to me like you are making yourself seem weaker then you actually are and overthinking, you are basically taking yourself out of the gene pool, which just sounds like an excuse not too try to find a mate and not to stop PMO. It may hurt to try, but at this point what have you got to lose?
I second what Thanatos said. As an engineering student, you have all sorts of options for the future, so don't take yourself out of the gene pool just yet. That, and recessive genes aren't a dealbreaker. After all, everyone has recessive genes. Redheads (gingers) are some of the rarest people out there, and the genes that cause red hair are recessive. Blue eyes are also dictated by recessive genes. There are many other examples, but really you shouldn't let that bother you. Most importantly, the majority of people out there know very little about genes. If they knew more about genes and less about Kim Kardashian, perhaps the world would be different. Honestly, blaming porn is also pretty inaccurate. You're not using it because you're addicted, you're using it to cope with whatever underlying problems you may have. If you're serious about science, you should really look at the various scientific studies on so-called porn addiction. I guarantee you'd be surprised. None of them can really conclude that porn is an addiction, but what they can conclude is that there's a lot of misinformation out there (and on here) about it.
you're right, at this point, I have nothing to gain from PMO, everything to gain from quitting, and trying to find a mate.
I disagree, porn can be an addiction. Technically it is dopamine addiction. It has to do with delta fos b, and dopamine reward circuits. Here are two videos that explain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGxXHBVDYU
