I stopped fapping and stopped watching porn. Now I am on POF & OkCupid and I get impulses in the middle of trying to do something else to browse the members and message them. Does that reduce the effectiveness of the NoFap challenge?
First, DTA, I don't think you are addicted to dating sites. That said, you may be recovering from porn addiction, and if that is the case there is a belief among some of us that when you deprive yourself of actual porn, your brain seeks out alternatives to porn to get that thrill. I call them "porn substitutes." A dating site may qualify as a porn substitute. A repost: "Porn is seeing porn, it is watching it, it is thinking about it, it is imagining it, it is remembering it, it is thinking about it while MOing even if you are not actually watching it, it is PMOing, it is fantasizing, it is edging while watching or thinking about it, it is having actual sex while thinking of porn, it is porn substitutes, any hypersexualized imagery or thought of that. Porn can be strictly in the brain, or it can be in hard copy, it can be on computers, televisions, and on smart phones, as in apps. Porn is phone sex. Porn is engaging any thought of unreal sex. Porn is chat rooms. Porn is sex toys. For one guy in this forum, porn is a cock ring. Porn does not have to be visual, it can be strictly audio. Porn can be literature about sex. Porn does not have to be on porn sites, it can be found on Facebook, Craigslist, Youtube, etc. It can be found on commercial retail sites; Sears, Target, Walmart. For me, when I first started quitting, I told myself I was making progress because I moved from very hardcore stuff to Google images, where I searched vanilla nudes. Bikini pics trigger me. Lingerie models trigger me. Hooters girls trigger me. Just girls on the street trigger me if I let them, but I don't." The thing is, during your reboot, you have to avoid triggers, that is thoughts or images that really push you to relapse. I don't know either of the sites you mention. But, if you are getting hypersexualized thoughts or images there, you are playing with triggers, and for most that seriously reduces the effectiveness of he NoFap challenge because it makes you want to fap. See also: http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?4528-Porn-What-is-it-and-what-it-s-not and http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?4476-Pornstars-vs-Actresses Good luck on your journey.
william, you hit it right on the nose. if you notice yourself justifying doing or looking at something that you never did in the past now that you are trying to quit, get rid of that too.
Another thing to note is that when doing NoFap, one is more motivated to find real sexual partners and dating sites are a perfectly legitimate tool for that search. But you have to be using it for that purpose. If you're just browsing pictures or reading the sex questions, then it's a porn substitute and you should drop it. If you're actually sending messages and trying to meet people, then it's completely legit. I use OKC. I actually have a second date this weekend with a girl I met on there.
I agree with giggleshmack. You are usually motivated to find real life sexual partners. Bear in mind that Dating sites can be rough if you have no idea what you're doing.
Chris, I read that article. Makes me want to try out tinder again. I used to use it but never had any luck. I was using it blindly and without any preparation. Edit: you need a fb to use tinder and there's no way I'm going back to fb. But I did apply that photo advice to my okc.
I think if you have to ask whether something is bad for you, it is. Keep away from it. Regarding dating sites, CLEARLY there is an inherent element of fantasy about this and the rapid browsing it entails resembles surfing porn images pretty closely. I would also suggest that messaging women on these sites overlaps with porn fantasy too. Sure you might actually go on a date and once things start to become real then you start to move away from fantasy, but getting to that point is really dodgy territory if you're trying to quit PMO in my view. Get out there and do some real world activities (you'll have the time and the energy to spare now you've quit porn) and you'll be a better more positive person, and that's what real girls will be attracted to. And you'll feel a whole lot better about that then getting a girlfriend of ebay ; )
