Does self-improvement make you tired?

After doing a great deal of self-improvement through recent years I'm kinda tired of that. Have you felt like that? I think I've been pressuring myself too much. Or more accurately, I've had little real leisure time.

When I say I've done excessive self-improvements, I don't mean I didn't waste time or didn't procrastinate. On the contrary, that's the problem! The problem is that when I don't work I do things that makes me feel worse. Like web-surfing, pmo, politics, etc. These things are useless. So, I feel bad after doing them. I don't go to a bar and speak to some people out there or go out hiking much, etc.

Not that I don't do good things. But there are not many options for me. I either have to read a novel or watch a movie or things like that. I do read novels and enjoy them a lot. But I don't think I have a normal life. Parts of it, I can blame the government on it (bar, gf, etc are illegal). But it doesn't matter who is to blame. The problem is still there.

Anyway, I'm tired of explaining. Have you felt overwhelmed by excessive self-improvement? What did you do for some refreshment? It's kinda like I'm living for self-improvement (instead of self-improve for having a better life).

 

It does bring a lot of enjoy. But I think my life has been becoming a little like a machine. I feel like I am an automatic machine.

I wake up in the morning, try to do my job and other productive things like learning job skills or life skills, for the fun part I study novels, etc. That's for my good days. Many times I can't manage to do my work. Procrastinate by reading useless stuff, waste time on pmo, news (fear porn), etc. These things also makes me feel bad. When I can't avoid these things, I would barely can manage to do my assigned job. No leisure time remains for me. This is overwhelming. I need help.

PS My life isn't bad at all. But I said negative parts to get help. The problem is that my current job is a remote job. When I get an office job with fixed hours, most of these problems will be solved. But I have to wait a few months or more for that.

 

I feel I lost my self-awareness these days. It's as if I am being pushed to do things without thinking about it. Maybe a bit similar to instinctive behaviours in animals. This makes it hard to change the unproductive behaviours I have these days.

 

The legal way to be with someone is through marriage.

They're the ISIS who is won and the world has accepted them.

 

Getting to know for marriage? Not exactly. Fiancé? Yeah, I guess that would be kinda legal.
No one respect these rules. I mean, It's kinda usual to have girlfriend. But with its own difficulties and complexities.

 

It's been two weeks since I started to do some light exercises. Should I halt it temporarily?