Dumped by someone I thought understood...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mind Revolution, Jun 28, 2020.

  1. Mind Revolution

    Mind Revolution New Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,

    I am currently 35 days into my reboot and the girl I was seeing and rewiring with dumped me about a week ago saying she "didn't feel the chemistry". I told this girl about my PIED issue and linked her Gary's Ted Talk. At first she was really receptive and understanding and said she liked me a lot and wanted to help me through it. This was great and motivated me.

    Unfortunately, despite me telling her about what I was going through, she was still very sexually aggressive and pushing for sex so I felt I had to go through with it or lose the relationship. Since she was so understanding I thought she would be OK with mediocre sex until I was rewired and my PIED cured.

    Our first attempt was on day 17 of my reboot obviously was not great, I could only get about 50% hard with extreme effort and could only stay hard with her on top, when she wanted to change positions I lost it and went down to about 30% and it was very hard to penetrate and not enjoyable for either of us. I couldn't finish. She said it was OK and we'll try again.

    A few days later we tried again. It was better this time but I was still only about 50% hard and couldn't change positions. We stayed in bed together for about 4 hours with lots of cuddling and some sporadic penetration. Again, I couldn't finish inside her so we finished ourselves off by masturbating. She said it was fine and she said she had a really good time with me and again said she really liked me.

    I texted her the next day and she ignored my texts which I found odd since we regularly texted back and forth since we started. The next day I texted her again. She was very cold in her responses and would only reply with 1 word. I asked her if something was wrong and then she said "didn't feel the chemistry" and she didn't want to see me anymore. I was and still am devastated as I thought we had an amazing connection... it is so crazy to see how fast she turned just because I couldn't perform.

    I have been in a flatline for a couple of weeks and now it has only gotten worse. I can't tell if my depression and anxiety is because of the flatline or because I was dumped by someone I thought understood what I was going through.

    I guess I am just posting this to serve as a warning to guys that relationships during the reboot can be very hard and a break up can be especially hard. I know that if I were to PMO it would help me so much getting over this girl... But I am staying strong guys because I also know that the root cause of my problem to begin with is this fucking awful addiction and all the problems it causes.

    Sorry, just needed to vent.
  2. Free your mind

    Free your mind Fapstronaut

    Well..I feel you..
    Similar story like mine few months ago. I was (and still am) in love with that girl (we knew each other for many years but only recently started to have something together).
    Once I couldn't perform well (PIED), after which she didn't want to have anything sexual with me for some time. After few months, we were in bed again and it was nice, 2 evenings in a row, it was what I would say good sex (great erection, it lasted for an hour, she orgasmed twice). The same evening she said it was strange to have sex with me because it's like I'm not present in the moment (which is not a suprise considering my addiction). Again we distanced a bit. Unfortunately, I relapsed because of my depression. 4 days after my relapse, we were in bed again and I couldnt perform. She said she needs some time to think about all of that (relationship with me)...and I never heard from her again. :( I felt like shit.

    Now the good part...I was strong enough not to fall back to porn. And now, 129 days after, I'm so glad that I didn't. I'm still not happy with the situation, but I feel much better. I decided that I will not miss another chance. I will get rid of this porn related shit and will be happy.

    The point...saddness is normal and I am sorry about your loss. But try to make something good out of it. Don't fall back to porn!
  3. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    Bad way to go. You only tell this kind of stuff to your wife or a few years girlfriend. Never tell a girl you bearly know your weakness, it's going to turn her off. Thankfully she was really into you and let this one pass. If you tell that to A girl that is not that into you is going to dump you inmidiatly.
    in the begining she was ok with it but she liked you and wanted sex, you didn't stant up for yourself and caved to her wishes in orther to not loose her. That's another sign of weakness of your part, that another turn of for woman. You should have tell her that sex was not going to be an option for a few months, and if she is not ok with it it's ok, take it or leave it actitud. Thats masculine, that is what attract woman.
    Not been able to get hard for our woman is another sign of weakness, thats a free ticcket to friendzone. After all of this is probably that her interest in you was so low... she bearly knew you. Why would she wait for you to recover? She can go out and get a guy that can perform. As i wrote earlier, a girlfriend or wife could have you back, but not a girl you just dated a few times.
    She could saw that you where dying inside and tried to be nice to you. Girls are never going to tell you the truth and hurt your feelings in that scenario.
    That what happens when you show a lot of weakness to a woman. No matter how much she liked you in thd beginning, you turned her off.
    why? You text her the day before, wait for her to text you back. But no, you were full of fear that she is not going to speak to you again and text her again. Another sign of weakness, at this point you already turned her off completely.
    game over..at least she broke it up rigth there, some girls would let you hanging with a "maybe some day we can see each other again" but in reality that is never going to happend.
    yes, not been able to perform was something that didn't play in your favor but you did another things that turned her off.
    Good for you! Fuel your desire with this bad experience to get better with your PIED. I've have a similar story for myself and it really helped to keep myself in the rigth path.
  4. Mind Revolution

    Mind Revolution New Fapstronaut

    Good feedback p1n1983. It was not good from the beginning, many mistakes, all with the root cause being the addiction. I will use the experience and feedback to continue moving forward.
  5. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Why did you think she understood?

    Just because someone say that it doesn't mean they actually do. It's kind of like when someone says things to be polite, that's all that means. It's totally different to say something because you really mean it from the bottom of your heart.

    When hearing about that you need to check yourself and see if it might not be because you want to believe it. It's a simple thing but if you are believing it then there's a chance you are setting yourself up for disappointment down the line.
  6. Mind Revolution

    Mind Revolution New Fapstronaut

    She is a biochem PHD so she has more context than a regular woman. I felt her scientific background plus genuine seeming conversation (it was a really good convo we had about it) made me think she actually did understand things.
  7. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry it worked out that way, maybe it's more that she didn't care as deeply as you hoped than that she didn't understand. Which is not to say she didn't care at all, but that she didn't want to invest in the relationship that much.

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