Early life missed sex opportunity regrets

gagate · Jan 16, 2019

Abetterbrain said: ↑

You can’t condemn people for their life choices. If people want to have sex it doesn’t make them morally inferior, we are after all animals.
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You totally misunderstood what I said, but some got my point

Abetterbrain · Jan 16, 2019

Loveless-J.R.A said: ↑

True point, but I do believe that was not his intent. Animals you say? Well some of behave like animals, so valid again. But we are humans.
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We are humans, this is correct. But that is a term we have labled ourselves with. The fact of the matter is we are mammals with the same drive and needs as any other animals. We are sexual animals that are genetically designed to seek new sexual partners and to make people feel stupid or inferior for this is reductive. What sets us apart, however, is the fact that we have a very big prefrontal cortex enabling us to have higher thoughts and therefore sexual restraint. If we can train ourselves we are able to refrain from acting out in ways that ruin us and those around us. But again, to condemn those from a high horse who have trouble with this is not good.

Mordobarn · Jan 16, 2019

Rehab101 said: ↑

Men are stubborn.
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Some men are stubborn.
Some women are stubborn.
Don't shoehorn all men into a single category, please — we're not all the same.

Rehab101 · Jan 16, 2019

Mordobarn said: ↑

Some men are stubborn.
Some women are stubborn.
Don't shoehorn all men into a single category, please — we're not all the same.
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Well of course. Nothing is all. I was trying to make a point.

u376 · Jan 16, 2019

UltraFree said: ↑

I don't really understand this mentality nowadays.
"I only slept with a few girls , I feel like a loser. Unless I sleep with 100 ,I'm not man enough. "
This is what media did to people I guess..

A man with one wife ,and one woman in his life is considered a loser (not to mention what a virgin is considered) ,meanwhile the one who slept with 300 is the king of the world,the alpha , the best of the best,the hero,like you know, he saved 100 women..

Sorry if I sounded a bit "ranty" but I just see this happening to lots of people.
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You are right
Being a virgin and committed to one is considered "uncool" and .....most people see you as a boring person

gagate · Jan 16, 2019

Abetterbrain said: ↑

We are humans, this is correct. But that is a term we have labled ourselves with. The fact of the matter is we are mammals with the same drive and needs as any other animals. We are sexual animals that are genetically designed to seek new sexual partners and to make people feel stupid or inferior for this is reductive. What sets us apart, however, is the fact that we have a very big prefrontal cortex enabling us to have higher thoughts and therefore sexual restraint. If we can train ourselves we are able to refrain from acting out in ways that ruin us and those around us. But again, to condemn those from a high horse who have trouble with this is not good.
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Nobody is comdemning you, you have a wife, focus on loving her, it gives a higher pleasure that it's not harmful unlike masturbation, sex etc.

We used to be animals and we used to enjoy having sex and carnal pleasures, look at a dog or pig that eats or that has sex, as human beings, we should seek higher pleasures.

You are just making mentral constructs that you regret not having an animalistic behavior with some young girls, think about it. Now you can get something higher than that but you are focused on the other one.

The sexual desire can be transcended, many have done so, we have animal instincts, but those can be transcended, ive done so and you can do the same. Go tell to an akhanda brahmachari that you cannot get rid of sexual desire and he will laugh at it.

Abetterbrain · Jan 16, 2019

gagate said: ↑

Nobody is comdemning you, you have a wife, focus on loving her, it gives a higher pleasure that it's not harmful unlike masturbation, sex etc.

We used to be animals and we used to enjoy having sex and carnal pleasures, look at a dog or pig that eats or that has sex, as human beings, we should seek higher pleasures.

You are just making mentral constructs that you regret not having an animalistic behavior with some young girls, think about it. Now you can get something higher than that but you are focused on the other one.

The sexual desire can be transcended, many have done so, we have animal instincts, but those can be transcended, ive done so and you can do the same. Go tell to an akhanda brahmachari that you cannot get rid of sexual desire and he will laugh at it.
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I’m sorry I can’t quite grasp this. Why do you keep saying that sex is animalistic and something to avoid or overcome? It’s something that pigs and dogs do? It’s something we are made to do. Look at our anatomy.

Abetterbrain · Jan 16, 2019

Trynagetbetter said: ↑

3 times the number I have; got married at 27 and been married 21 years. Have "gone all the way" with only 1 woman... ever. (Have been to 3rd base with 2, and made-out with 6)

Congratulations Abetterbrain. You will have so much to offer your daughter, I can tell.

Not sure why some of the reply comments seem so judgmental? You have a feeling. We all have feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They are simply feelings. We have to choose what to do with them, how to manage them, and what behaviors we will allow them to affect. Eventually, once we getting better at understanding them, processing them, contextualizing them, and we grow in wisdom, we can better control them, direct them, and leverage them to make good, healthy choices. Nothing wrong with admitting you have a nagging "feeling of regret." That's your truth. And that's neither arrogant nor animalistic.

I spent many years feeling this way, and why I think I stayed with porn - to "play out in fantasy what I knew I never could in reality." To see what I was missing. To see what I turned down decades ago. Sometimes I meditate my way through my feelings to see if they make sense, or if they are based on something that is just not true. I TEST the hypothesis. "If I only had sex with those 8 women, I wouldn't have regrets, or be filled with this nagging curiosity." But I find that very sexual men I know are NOT satisfied when they get married; in fact, the more sex they had prior, the more they feel the GAVE UP for marriage. I TEST the hypothesis: If I had more, I wouldn't have desire now. But I ask myself, "Is that really how I work with porn? No. The more different sexual options I'm exposed to, the more options I WANT. I become LESS content. In fact, the more the variety, the less exciting it eventually becomes. I then return to my nagging regret to have had sex with more women and think: that would just be more garbage to stop thinking about and comparing to the real thing I have in front of me - the mother of my children.

The issue, in my mind, isn't trying to be a man who sleeps with many women to prove himself (as others have subtly accused), so much as it is the societal conditioning to sexual pleasure as the key to fulfillment. The lie is that the right kind of, amount of, and types of experiences with sexual pleasure will finally make you whole. NOPE. Not true. You know that already, which is why you confessed it here.

You'll just have to find the right path to get your mind and heart to be at peace with the truth you already know. This will take time and effort, but by calling attention to it and naming it here, I see you're already on your way! Congratulations.
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Thank you for the kind words. It warms my heart to hear the words of someone that understands me, has experienced and I am feeling and doesn’t judge. It fills me with hope knowing that you have been there and have overcome the feelings. Much love to you brother x

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