Early life missed sex opportunity regrets

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Abetterbrain, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    It’s been a while since I posted. This is also a subject that’s probaly a little unusal on here, but I have this reoccurring issue.

    As a teen/ early adult I was pretty confident and attractive. Got sooo many offers from girls/women. But for whatever reason I didn’t take them up. I think I was a late developer so didn’t quite feel ready. I went out with a few of them but one of the girls was a little younger than me and said she wanted to wait for sex - I didn’t - so left.

    Anyway without getting into it too much, in my who life I have been in long term relationships and have only bedded 3 women. My current girlfriend is pregnant and we’re expecting a girl soon which I’m so happy for. However I can’t help having feelings of missing out on all those sexual partners. It’s quite persistent.
     
  2. Those days are over my friend. I feel those regrets as well. I can drive myself crazy thinking back 10-15 years about some of the women I could have been intimate with. Sometimes I wish I could erase my long term memory and just be able to go back a year or so.
    Obviously you can't go back, so it's best to focus on your future family that you should be ever grateful for. Remember, lots of people only have a few partners throughout their lives, some even less. It's not quantity, but quality that counts. But you know how it goes, the grass is always greener on the other side. Somewhere some guy is feeling regret for not getting married and having children because he was too busy being a player and having multiple meaningless partners. So my advice is to focus on what's in front of you at this moment. Don't visit that place in your mind that's selfish and just wants pleasure. It can only lead you to a darker place.
     
    u376, A nu start, Wladimir and 4 others like this.
  3. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    What a great reply. Thanks very much for your wisdom and deep down I know you’re right. I guess I should understand it’s Common feeling and as you said focus on the future.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. N05A9

    N05A9 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this!!! I feel regret for all the times I didn't have sex when I could've. I'm only regretting it now because a fantasy seems better than my reality. I'm in a relationship so I can't go play the field like I used to be it like you said, focus on the reality in front of you!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Consider yourself lucky. I only have 1 and 1 only partner. I too suffer to be curious about another partner. However since you have a child going to be under your care, i suggest you really toughen up. Its a completely different ball game when a new life is under your care.
     
  6. I too think of that, had I known what I know now I could have sleeped with a lot more women in highschool and college. That's life its called growth, if I would have gotten my count up a lot higher who knows? what if ?what could be ? what could have been ? all that will drive you nuts unless you got a time machine I say drop it. Also congrats on the soon to be child
     
  7. I don't really understand this mentality nowadays.
    "I only slept with a few girls , I feel like a loser. Unless I sleep with 100 ,I'm not man enough. "
    This is what media did to people I guess..

    A man with one wife ,and one woman in his life is considered a loser (not to mention what a virgin is considered) ,meanwhile the one who slept with 300 is the king of the world,the alpha , the best of the best,the hero,like you know, he saved 100 women..

    Sorry if I sounded a bit "ranty" but I just see this happening to lots of people.
     
  8. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    You’re right. It’s todays ever shrinking world of Facebook and Tinder. Thankfully I use neither. Things will only get worse. Life used to be so much simpler.
     
  9. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    It is your ego, maintain your ego and you going to experience real happiness. Good luck. There are loads of videos on youtube how to work with our ego. But of course, it is one of the most difficult things. Probably even more difficult than handling porn and fapping addiction.
     
  10. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    That’s a bit reductive. It’s not simply your ego, it’s more than that. Millions of years of evolution have made it part of our make up to seek new sexual partners to increase the likelihood of passing on our genes. To simply say to be human is your ego isn’t correct or fair. I’m sure arrogance and ignorance plays a part as people are always trying to increase their numbers and leave perfectly healthy/happy relationships to sleep around.
     
  11. Randy

    Randy Fapstronaut

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    I probably would have had a lot more real sex, if I hadn't spent my youth jacking off. On the bright side, I'm glad I made it to marriage without picking up any venereal diseases.
     
  12. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Regret won't help. In my opinion, it is better for society to have less unconditional sex as it leads only to disaster for the shortlived pleasure it provides. So voluntarily or not in a way you've lived a semi-ok act by contributing in this collective hedonism. In my opinion, you shouldn't have bedded even the three women you have as you have not married them. But that's just me with my pre-sexual revolution thinking. It's your life do what you want.
     
  13. We live in a world (at least in the "free" world) where having multiple partners seems to be the norm. But when you look into these people's lives, it's not all roses.

    I have a friend who, after his marriage fell apart, slept with more women than he could count, with many open relationships. He claimed to be happy. But, now, in his older days, he is lonely and makes use of prostitutes "because they're cheaper". It's so sad.

    Having multiple partners is fine for some people, for a while, but I'm one of those people who prefers a steady, strong relationship. Even the thought of a threesome (supposedly the dream of every man) doesn't excite me; as if one woman weren't already a lot to handle!

    There's nothing wrong with a single and strong relationship, even though it's hard to achieve.

    Don't regret what you didn't have. Regret and jealousy will poison your relationship. You might as well regret not having been an astronaut or an archaeologist (assuming that you aren't).

    Instead, be proud of what you have achieved, and who is sharing it with you. Pride will strengthen your relationship.
     
    the awakening likes this.
  14. gagate

    gagate Fapstronaut

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    Do you want to be a man of higher desires or do you want to be an animal?

    If you want the first one, then you should be proud of yourself, if you want to be the latter then you shouldn't be proud of yourself.

    I had your same belief, now I'm proud that I'm a virgin, as I moved onto higher desires and feel disgust for the lower ones.
     
    Wladimir likes this.
  15. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    You can’t condemn people for their life choices. If people want to have sex it doesn’t make them morally inferior, we are after all animals.
     
  16. My thoughts exactly... why? In the business world, no the professional world, i rather say, how many you bed never matters. In fact, it is a bad reputation for you, as a business person, "to be knocking about". What sane person, wants to sleep with many ladies? I admit, I was like you once, wanting to be best lad for every lady. And it not only cost money, but time. IT HIT ME when I failed some exams.
    Do not miss something that was only going bring you down further. Those who have been there, can tell you that.
     
  17. Exactly...
    Heyah!
     
  18. True point, but I do believe that was not his intent. Animals you say? Well some of behave like animals, so valid again. But we are humans.
     
    gagate and Deleted Account like this.
  19. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Men are stubborn. Some times someone just needs to fall hard enough to learn his mistake first handed.
     
  20. I wanna hug you for writing that!
     

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