Escalation - Public Masturbation

You should give SA a try man. It might work for you. I've got a sponsor who was a right madman and has been clean for over a decade now. It's like talking to Yoda. He cuts through all your BS and gets right to the heart of the matter. Helps you find the path forward. Its so much easier to not have to do it on your own. If the addiction is bigger than you you're going to need at least a couple of people to wrestle him out of the car and drop him on the curb.

 

I don't want to be confrontational...but this is not true. It's not funny, but sad, that some people don't take responsibility for their own actions (and I don't mean you, or others adhering to a certain program that works for them; they have my full respect, admiration even).

The addiction has as much power over me as I give it. Not one ounce more. I will repeat myself, but here it goes: the addiction won't materialize, put a gun to my head, google porn, unzip my pants: "Masturbate, or you'll get a big, fat, bullet through your brain!" My pre-frontal cortex has too agree with what the reptilian brain asks of it.

I will give in as long as I prefer the temporary "high" over beating this addiction. Priorities, nothing more. When I treat this addiction as I would treat the perspective of drowning with my hands ties to my back, I'll be free.

I remember one day when my heart was racing madly, had aches all over my body (muscles), my throat was coarse, and possessed by a frustration that wanted me to scale walls. I was shaking on the floor, in this state. I craved P with my whole being. Yet, I decided not to give in.

Have you guys experienced more severe withdrawals than this one that forced you to PMO?

I'm a poster child for someone that white-knuckled this thing once and beat it to shreds. 3.5 years of living clean tells me it's possible.

I understand that some people will be helped by adhering to a mental model, a metaphor about their helplessness, and more power to them! There are many more successful than me adhering to SA or other programs, and I respect...any way to skin a cat .

However, we are not powerless per-se.

Or we have different definitions for this word. I never once looked at porn, I never once masturbated, in spite of me not wanting to.

Anyway...congratulations to all, you're heroes just for being here and keeping on keeping on! (Please don't y'all jump on me at once! )

 

Did you want to break your streak 70 days ago? Yes, you chose to. It was your choice to watch porn (or whatever) 70 days ago. But didn't you make that choice despite your intention not to? Didn't your addiction overpower your will in this case? Hasn't it done so repeatedly throughout your life?

3.5 years of success on your own is impressive. My hat's off to you for that. But you are back here with 70 days, so you obviously haven't got this thing beat. So with all of the resources you are able to muster on your own, the porn addiction continues to win.
Sorry, but I think you are proving my point.

And why is it so hard to admit powerlessness? Why can't we admit that we can't do this on our own. Ego? Maybe, part of it. Perhaps we have learned that the world is a dangerous and unreliable place. That we can only count on ourselves.

I felt the same as you. But once I admitted that this addiction had me beat, despite my best efforts. Once I admitted that I needed help, things began to change. It was liberating. A weight was lifted. And help became available, and it is helping.

SA may not be for everybody, but if your program ain't working, why not try a different one?

Also powerlessness does not equal helplessness.

 

Thanks for the answers ! I appreciate them. I've came down with food poisoning, I'll do my best to answer as clearly as I can and just as graciously as you did.

Yep, agreed - it wasn't P, and not M, but the kind of P-sub most do (even around here) w/o resetting their streak.

This is what we don't see eye to eye (maybe I still don't get some nuances, I'm not a native English speaker either) - I had every intention to use P-subs. My will was not against using P-subs, my will was to dwell into them. Intention, as an all-encompassing-general-inclination means nothing, unless it is exercised each and every moment.

I had it beat for 3.5 years, that's what I meant. I will also need to add some missing piece of info, I think it's relevant. This is not a justification by any means...dwelling back into P was the worst idea ever...but: how many of the guys here interrupted a long streak because they were caught in a no-fault divorce (that had nothing to do with a past addiction)? I know guys that wrecked their life (if not worse) after such events. I think my reaction - again, while not justified - could get more of a "pass" than one guy's that simply "felt like" doing it.

I don't see it as an ego issue, I frame it as taking full responsibility for my choices. But, no doubt, it could apply in many other cases. Even in my own, I could slip down that route, become smug and come down crashing again .

That's a sensible advice, but, to answer for myself: I don't have any proof that my approach doesn't work for me.

 

Take whatever is useful for you, and run with it!

 

Yes, we all go through the P-sub thing. This is why I had a 19-da reset - lingerie videos.

It's just as damaging, from a point going onward, as real P, because your brain still gets the dopamine rush, the fix it craves. And more often than not, it take you back to P. As soon as you compromise, you're in the danger zone.

Just as you would not joke with a little mold...same way...you need to take this seriously. Make it impossible for that mold to grow.

 

True. That is why we should treat such things as P. It takes a few minutes, hours or maybe even days, but in the end it grabs us and drags us in the deep waters every time.

I resetted back then and I'm not looking back.

 

okay this is sickkkkkkkkk... you need help

 

I have a guy at my gym who does that publicly all the time and I catch him doing it, and I just watch him or even try to catch him because even though i know its wrong i know what is going through his mind and i am playing along. he knows when im going to show up not and times his orgasm to it so now im getting addicted to it because of him. what do i do?

 

You are responsible for your own addictions.

You can start by reporting him. This behavior is not appropriate, especially in public.

 

I don’t get how can people masturbate in public. I get the thrill of getting caught, but that’s just so weird for me.
Every time I think about that I picture an old man that doesn’t care about anything just doing his business with a large grin on his face.


What if a kid saw you ? He would be traumatized for years.