fear of commitment and being hurt

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Selix, Aug 25, 2019.

  1. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

    I stand very close to ask a girl out (she has a huge crush on me and I noticed)

    somehow something is holding me back.... I mean I never had dates or a girlfriend before and I dont really need one in my life but still I want to know her

    everytime I think about it, its like looking at a huge mountain with a lot of unanswered questions

    its like I am afraid of taking a risk and get hurt

    am I playing it too safe or am I ready for a relationship at all?

    I'm open to new thoughts and ideas because I dont have any experience
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Your avatar says "if you don't go after it, you will never have it".

    Yes. You're playing it too safe.

    Dabbling / walking on eggshells / tip toeing safely through life trying to be as comfortable as possible.

    You kind of want to, but not really. You want a girlfriend, but not really. You want to ask her out, but not really.

    Commit to a decision.

    You're never going to be ready. You want experience and certainty without actually gaining experience and facing uncertainty. That's not reality. Life is all about risks. All about going beyond your current comfort zone / level of experience.

    Most people try to live their lives avoiding risks and any possibilities of pain / problems / negative experiences. They just want to stay hidden and comfortable until they die. If you want higher quality experiences then you should seek and embrace risks. Sacrifice short term emotions for long term outcomes. Experience emotional volatility that others aren't willing to do to have rewards that others won't get.

    If you want to, then you have to take a risk. If you don't want to, then why did you create this post?
    Selix and Coffee Candy like this.
  3. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

    thank you for your advise.
  4. im’possible

    im’possible Fapstronaut

    Not much an advice. But are you worrying too much?

    Why not just start it as a friend? No pressure going out with a friend, so you get time to know her and she can do the same. Then if two of you're ready for relationships then go for it.
  5. psychedelicjelly

    psychedelicjelly Fapstronaut

    Or.. Don't do it and regret it for the rest of your life and trust me you will.

    You will never think, ah I'm so glad I never asked that girl out because I could have got rejected
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

    right now I'm terrified... not because I worry about her, also I got new job responsiblities.... I simply dont see time for her now...
    right now I dont know what to do actually....
  7. im’possible

    im’possible Fapstronaut

    Well, focus on job then. She shouldn't be your burden. I think simply spending a little time on each day either calling or texting still works. If you want to be with her just be honest about yourself and hopefully she understands. Try to avoid which is more important question (her or job?), because this is not that simple to answer.

    For man, I think career should be put on first until you're stable socially. Relationship comes second cuz it takes time for both of you. Maybe you had a bad time with the previous one, But don't let that hold you back. Real relationships can be both happy and hurtful, unlike P, which is always fun. That's how tricky it is.

    Anyway, do things little by little, but don't let yourself regret for not doing what you can. This was from a life coach though, maybe you can listen to him sometimes. His way works both man and woman.

    Link here: Too afraid to love YouTube 8min
  8. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

    thank you for your support... I had to choose my job....not because I dont want to know her... I need my job to survive and right now I focus only on my job... it hurts me to ignore her but thats how its gonna be... if fate hands us an oportunity I'll gladly take it.... but right now I have to cut those "feelings" out
  9. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

    How old are you ? For sure you can try to spend time with her and to know her better. If the underlying question is "can I have sex with her ?", then my answer is "not before wedding", and the usual answer (but not mine) you will get is "yes but not too fast". But generally speaking, don't be afraid to go to her and talk. The kind of excuse "It's not the time I'm too busy" is bullshit you invent because you're afraid :p

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