Fear of Succeeding

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by iceman40, Oct 9, 2016.

  1. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    Have any of you guys have a fear of succeeding? I'm not talking about on the surface because no one wants to admit that they want to fail, what I'm talking about deep down inside with your subconscious mind.

    There's actually a term called a fear-of-success and it affects a lot of people. I never thought I had this fear but I noticed that my mind was reverting to old ways when I was succeeding in certain goals.

    Currently I'm in the process of starting a new business that involves coaching other professionals how to run their businesses. After every long sessions of hard work I reach breakthrough and at the breakthrough I end up reverting back to the Internet and alcohol.
    Binge on these two items because deep down inside I don't believe I should deserve something better than I have today.
    I wanted to share this with you in case anyone else has this issue and it won't be apparent on the surface it's a subconscious thing that happens deep inside.

    Starting my day one of no Internet P. I know there will be some challenging times like anxiety, sleepless nights, or just the inability to think straight. I know I will get over the challenging part.

    Thank you all
     
  2. Cool topic to chat about. I have times where I under value my work accomplishments and think I didn't do as good as I could have. I would say the fear could come in the form like, you do so good for so long, when will the time come for a drop and failure. For me, I have never gotten past 22 days of no porn and masturbation. I don't know what to expect on past that. Will it get easier, maybe.
     
  3. Islanders190

    Islanders190 Fapstronaut

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    Your might need to reprogram your subconsciousness mind. Have you thought about listening to subliminal messages when your sleeping?
     
  4. Denzel889

    Denzel889 Fapstronaut

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    I had similar problems with that just like you... When I went 104 days without pmo I almost intentionally relapsed because I couldn't believe that I deserve such good things... But I think that's not our original subconscious mind, I think that these negative thought arise from addictions or past addictions that want us to be under their control... Mind is a powerful thing and is hard to control it... Pmo habbit wants us to be part of them, it wants us to be their soldiers under their command, just waiting for it's instructions... But we have to escape and get rid of that "leadership"... We have to become leaders of our own and never fall back again on them... Pmo has some kind of a system that is very dangerous and tricky and contains lots of protection and guards that keeps up this system functioning... We have to install our own system and delete the old one, and that's the point of reboot process to make ourselves the best versions... #StayStrong #WeWillWin
     
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  5. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    Most of us do this all the time. I think we do this because we don't believe ourselves to be in a higher playing field. By playing field I mean the level in life that you are at? Are you living in a nice part of town and feel comfy going to the local coffee shop and chatting with the locals there? Do yo drive a $20,000, $40,000, or $100,000 car? Can you stand up against hot girls when they give you drama? Our entire being and what we believe ourselves to deserve has a lot of factors in the equation.

    One of my good friends bends over backwards to pretty girls. He gives them money, trips, and whatever they want. At the end they don't appreciate him and he ends up all alone, like before. Then he complains why he cannot fine love. I keep telling him that you cannot buy a girls affection with money but he does not understands. I think he believes that he does not deserve them and thus he has to buy them all kinds of good stuff.

    One great motivational speaker stated that if you want a better life believe in that better life as if it has already happened.
     
  6. I have this fear and it's becoming more and more prominent as I continue my weight loss journey. I've struggled with my weight ever since I was young and after years and years of ridicule I started believing the bullshit that I wasn't worth a healthy life or that I was just worthless. The concept that I have worth and that I'm worthy of good things is a new one to me. I think this contributes to my fear of success since self-loathing has become so common place for me it's a comfortable misery. The idea of being positive toward myself seems like a daunting task.

    I think the other thing is since I've struggled with weight my entire life, I really have no clue what I actually look like. As I've been losing the weight I'm starting to reveal myself and that's somewhat terrifying because it feels like a stranger is staring back at me. It seems my weight had become a huge part of my identity that shedding it feels like I'm killing a part of myself.
     
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  7. Mikevalentine

    Mikevalentine Fapstronaut

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    Im so glad I found this thread. The 'fear of success'. I've been going through this for quite some time and still in the fog. know I'm capable of success, there have been times when I've surprised my self. But I don't know what is stopping me.
    I'm fortunate to have all the resources at my disposal, a loving family, positive people around but I feel I'm buried under a huge rock. Every day is a struggle and every night is a promise for a change and 4 yrs have passed. Now this is affecting my family, I'm single, and all my parents want is the best for me and it's more frustrating when they see me throwing away my best years away. Failing is acceptable but not trying is wrong.
    I'm 31, I've never really had any addictions (drugs or alcohol) but PMO has been around for the past 15 yrs. It affected me in ways that I wasn't aware of. I havnt been in a relationship for almost 6 yrs. Sex life is pretty much non existant. Im 31, I need to get control of my life and want to start enjoying every day. I recently found nofap and it's the first time I'm working on my self, I relapsed once in the first 12 days; now on day 2. This is the base I'm starting with, it is going to be very difficult but I need a change in my life. FAITH.
     
  8. @Mikevalentine hello, I can relate a bit with you. I am a little younger but pretty much the same story for me. Keep up the faith that you can do this. Believe you can do better. One suggestion is to write down the reasons for wanting to quit PMO. Then put that paper somewhere you will see it every day. Focus on the why and take it a day at a time.
     
  9. Guilty as charged. I have no idea what to do about it whatsoever and it's killing me.
    For example, I'm 18 and I never had a girlfriend or anything like that.
    BUT there were instances where a girl was approaching me and I just turned her down because... I don't want myself to be... happy... be social ? Is it that what it is ? I don't know. I don't understand myself. I even kinda liked that person and I was even thinking about how it would be if we'd be together. BUT as soon as something happens that would bring me closer to that... I just refuse. I regretted it 20 seconds after she walked away. I'm such a fucking idiot.

    Same thing applies to everything else in life. For example: NoFap. I used to have a relatively stable journey, but as soon as I started to feel better, I just started fapping my brains out. Not I'm on day 1 again. I can't believe myself anymore. I told myself that I would stop so many times that I don't even believe myself. It's like... "Yeah... I'm going to stop now. This was the last time. I'll do it. 1 day at a time yada yada yada motivational bullshit that makes no fucking difference in the end anyway."

    I have no idea what to do. Every new opportunity that opens up is immediately shot down by myself and I have no idea why I'm doing it. It feels like someone else is controlling me. Like... I talk to someone, and literally 5 seconds after the conversation I forgot COMPLETELY what I said.


    Fuck me.
     
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  10. Major Tom

    Major Tom Fapstronaut

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    Hey man do not kick yourself embrace your strengths not your weakness. Look around see where you are use what you have. Life is a journey here not a marathon.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2016
  11. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    I don't really care about my life, so whether I succeed or not doesn't really matter to me.
     
  12. Major Tom

    Major Tom Fapstronaut

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    Your success gets in the way of Addiction. This may be the most important thread on this fourm as it really streaks to the heart of what plages a lot of us. Addiction takes many forms but she always plays the same game It wants on a life of its own and it's happy to take over yours. It carefully and strategicly plot against you and yes it knows your weakness.
    If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles
     
  13. Kvath

    Kvath Fapstronaut

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    Jmm yeah this is a weird phenomenon. Does anyone knows how to identify it? People has said to me that i have all the qualities to succeed but for some reason i don't do it, like i'm sabotaging myself. How does this thing works, anyone knows?
     
  14. Major Tom

    Major Tom Fapstronaut

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    Are you dealing with any addictions? Less then positive repetitive behaviors spending money you don't have partying and or acting on sexual impulse when you shouldn't. I always enjoy extreamly risky behavior.
     
  15. Kvath

    Kvath Fapstronaut

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    Yes i am indeed! Greatest so far are PMO and weed, i'm working really hard to get that out of my system. The thing about spending money happened me this weekend, it has happened before but that was the last one, i was really upset at myself for that and i don't even like to party that much.

    It's true that removing those vices from my life has helped me get more productive and focused.
     
  16. Major Tom

    Major Tom Fapstronaut

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    I bet to conquer the pmo is going to give you the boast you need
     
  17. badeae1

    badeae1 Fapstronaut

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    I think to answer everyone here in two words is to say: failure schema. All the reasons we continue to sabotage our life can be simply traced back to your childhood roots. Everyone develops defense mechanisms at such a young age to combat the mind from be it bad emotions or thoughts. E.g. I used porn to get over emotions of boredom or loneliness as a child which crossed into my adult life. Same thing here, your mind has adapted to certain cycles that reinforce the belief that you are unworthy or simply don't deserve good things to happen to you. Anyone is interested about this can pm in private and I'd be glad to give more info. I have a skype group set up where we discuss all of this as well. Stay clean
     
  18. Szostak

    Szostak Fapstronaut

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    Im lazy to make it happen, and im also affraid of the success. I cant take more responsabilities. So i avoid situations that might improve my persona.
     

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