Hey, I'm feeling quite badly these past few days. I used to have a compulsive porn watching habit and I worked really hard on gaining control of it. I began in late 2019 so it's been two and a half years. I thought that this was behind me since I got it under control. But I now believe otherwise. Since I slipped (watched porn) for my third time this year (beginning August). I need to share about this problem. There are a few things on my mind. I'm religious and still single (I'm 28) so I don't really have a healthy way of meeting my needs. I also have been in serious denial about my bi-sexual identity and what that means to me as someone who is part of a community that doesn't allow that. I'm really suffering inside I deal with anxiety and am struggling at paying my bills as well. I'm struggling with relationships. But mainly I feel like I hurt myself by giving into porn. All I can say is that it will take time to get these images out of my head. It pains me that I needed to go back into that "now I'm sexualizing everything again" mode. It's a shitty life experience. I feel like that is my punishment in this world, when I get on the bus this week or go to work I will carry the weight of this act of viewing porn and wringing myself with my own hands. What I watched really hurts me inside and I find it hard to see a happy future at the moment. Any ideas on how to cope with this?
Are you in serious denial because of something within yourself or is it exclusively and undoubtedly a result of the pressure you feel from your community? Porn can cause all sorts of serious damage; it has been theorized that excessive consumption of it can even lead to bisexuality and all sorts of fetishes and worse. I'm not here to make you believe one thing or another. I'm also not trying to confuse you even more. But you need to really think about this in order to come to terms with some things in your life and finally know what is truly at the root at the issues you're facing. That's just my unprofessional opinion.
