Feeling like an emotional mess during reboot

Hey guys,
I suppose my intention with this post is to reach out with where I'm at with this reboot. I have not been keeping track of the exact number of days I've been abstinent from PMO but it is somewhere in the region of 30 plus. I've been feeling stronger and more able to manage cravings which have been fierce at times. The main issue I am facing and something that I suspect many guys (and girls) will go through during this detox is a backlog of emotional issues to deal with. My anxiety levels for the past two weeks have been huge with more trouble sleeping and being in social situations. Porn helped me to forget the complexes that I carried around secretly. My hidden anger toward women, especially mother figures. My Shame and disappointment with father and my own feelings of inferiority as a man. It's a fucking weight to carry this stuff around but at least now it's coming up in the open to heal. I had counselling for a while and think I will pick it up again when works builds up. I think a lot of the reason why many of us relapse is because we get hit by this emotional load that was hidden before and we run to the porn switch to stop it. I'm finding that keeping a journal helps as well as processing these emotions creatively through art, music etc. I've also started to have conversations with people that are difficult and uncomfortable but ultimately loosens the shackles on this pain. That's where I'm at right now. I wish you all well with your own journey to transform this habit in to something life affirming. Peace out!

 

In truth, there are very few people who I have shared the porn habit with. Mostly counsellors and one or two male friends.