FINALLY my first 30 days after a long struggle!

Deleted Account · Oct 10, 2017

NewBornDragon said: ↑

Hey guys!

I finally got to 30 days for my first time ever! I wanna keep this brief(but knowing myself this is gonna be long..xD) Edit: Yep...this got really long. xD
Soo I got here after my last longest streak which was 22 days and then I relapsed many times over, not taking this very seriously...
But after I found my real WHY, I could do this!

I always was and still am a rather shy guy....
I graduated school in June and then I realized something. How did I feel? Happy? Relieved I finally did school? Free?
No. I felt empty. I didn't give a s*** about it. I did'nt care. I noticed I could'nt enjoy my own work I've done 13 years of my life. A big stone should've fallen from me.
This emptiness made me realize: "How do I want to enjoy anything in life?"
Meeting with my friends? Feels empty. Accomplished something? Feels empty.
Sometimes had things with girls but didn't work out. Why? I think because I really didn't feel anything for them.
Porn just 100% numbed my emotions.
So then I've decided this can't go on any longer.

The benefits?

definitely more self confidence!

enjoying the little things in life more! (taking a walk, nature,...etc.)

not objectifying women in my mind anymore (at least it's VERY rare now.)

Depression feels gone! -> I felt empty after my relapse at 22 days.

feeling free!

more energy for my important things

more active in living for myself, my own life

talking more to people!

loving myself more for who I am!

forgiving myself more!

And now ..

I've done my morning ritual for 23 days now.

wake up

make my bed

drink a cup of water

Write in my journal answering these questions:

"How did I sleep?"

"How do I feel right now?"

"What did I dream about?"

"What is my plan for today?"

2. I've drunk over 2L everyday for 22 days now.
3. And did my Evening ritual for 12 days now.

One hour before sleep turn off all electronical devices

write in my journal again

"How was my day?"

"Do I have any thoughts/emotions.. about the day? " like "the day was shitty/ good ...because...."

"What could I've done better? (self-reflection)

"What have I done correctly today?" (Even the littlest of things like: waking up, went outside, talked with one person outside, ...etc.)

and here I noticed I can easily write 20 things per day I've done right even if I think I was lazy one day and that made me feel better about myself instantly. Before, I thought I couldn't do anything right and I just beat myself up mentally for that. Now I know I always do SOMETHING right, it just took everything for granted before.

brush my teeth

go to sleep

I definitely feel like I'm doing the things I want now and feel so much more...free.
Riding my bike feels more liberating than porn now. I've learned to love myself more, forgive myself more, to not beat myself up anymore over the littlest of mistake and trying to improve myself (even it's just a little bit) everyday.

Now I often go the library and read so much more than one year ago. (Like I hated reading for some reason.) But it feels so good learning new things.
Now I'm learning Japanese for example.

The thing is, this happened because I did something for myself. Hadn't I've done something on my streak, I would've probably relapsed.
The days don't really matter if you don't improve yourself as a person.
Last year I couldn't even imagined feeling this good!
Last year was the worst for me because the depression was the strongest then.
So I got HELP. I literally went to a health department, to a youth welfare office and several places for psychologists to get ANY help.
Now I've a supervisor who gets me out like twice a week and helps me live my life properly. We ride bike, we go to new places for me, we cook together,.....all those thigs feel awesome now!
And every Wednesday I go to my therapist and can just talk my heart off and it REALLY helps. I've learned so much about myself in this one year (even when I hadn't gone 30 days of NoFap yet, so this is not ALL because of NoFap.) and I can actually say right now:

I love my life and myself and if I do mistakes it's fine because I'm just a goddamn human like everyone else and I don't have to compare myself with others. That's b***sh*. Everyone is unique in their own way.

One year ago these kind of thoughts would've been IMPOSSIBLE to think for me.

So... the main thing I want to say is:
Do something for yourself on your streak. Or in general in life. Change is NOT gonna knock at your door. YOU have to make the steps if you want to feel better. YOU have your life in hands. It's YOUR responsibility to make somthing out of it. If you do nothing, NOTHING will come out of your life. The days aren't THAT important. The things YOU DO on those days are important.
In ONE year I changed my ENTIRE life, the way I look at myself, the way I do things, the way I think now....

(And I feel like for my age (I'm 18).. I'm quite wise for my age...)

In short: Do something.
Click to expand...

Congrats! Keep this up till infinity

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FINALLY my first 30 days after a long struggle!

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