Finally Ready For Help!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by jpd123, Dec 19, 2015.

  1. jpd123

    jpd123 Fapstronaut

    Originally Posted this in the over 40 for, but thought maybe it should go here since today is my first day.

    Hello everyone. This is my first post and first day on what I hope will be the road to recovery. I am 52 years old. I started masturbating at an early age (around 12) and have been addicted to it ever since. I feel like my early onset of masturbation actually caused some weakness and impacted the size of my penis. Anyway, I started with porn in my early years before the internet was even invented. Mainly looking at magazines whenever I could get them. Found that viewing porn while masturbating really exited me and heightened the experience.
    As the internet became available, I started looking at various porn sites. I was mainly turned on by lingerie and underwear sites as I've always had a fetish for this. But ultimately grew to more explicit sites. Really loved "classic" porn sites and retro porn.
    But my story turns unique. I married my current wife 15 years ago. I have to say, I really love this woman. And whats more, I find her incredibly beautiful and exciting. She's always had a great figure and I loved to see here in sexy lingerie and underwear. I started off by buying her lingerie and underwear and just enjoyed looking at her. Then the real trouble started. One day on a trip together, I was able to take a few pictures of her in her lingerie. I found it incredibly exciting. It fulfilled all my porn desires with the plus of having her in real life. As time went on, I started taking more and more pictures. I would find myself masturbating to her pictures more than any other type of porn. Then a few years ago, I bought a small video camera and secretly took a video of us together. That turned out to be the ultimate porn experience for me. Since then, I have found myself obsessed with taking secret videos of us together. She still lets me take pictures of her in her lingerie, but knows nothing about the secret videos. I know this is sick, but I started becoming obsessed with her pictures and the videos. Every time we went away, I would spend hours planning how I would video us together. This obsession grew and I found that I liked the secret videos and pictures more than anything else. I won't go into more detail other than to say I would do all I could to make the videos more and more graphic and erotic. All the time she didn't know anything. I found that I would have sex with her for the sole purpose of recording the video that I could masturbate to later.
    Over time, this addiction has completely ruined my real sex life. I have developed ED and am totally unable to orgasm in any way with my wife. My only sexual outlet today is masturbation while watching the porn I've created. I know this is wrong in so many ways, and I have realized if I don't do something, it will eventually ruin my marriage and destroy my life. So I started doing research and found this website. This is a big leap for me, and I hope this is a place where I can finally end this and restore my life, my ability to have sex with my wife, and preserve my marriage.
    Thanks for listening.
    JTT likes this.
  2. JTT

    JTT Fapstronaut

    Welcome Thanks for sharing This is a safe place to share your struggle. We are all in this battle together to rid of this addiction. Keep posting your journey on here to stay connected. All the best bro
  3. Tera

    Tera Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    It is never too late, we are all with you, stay strong! never give up, your journey begins today, good luck.
    as i would like to encourage you to do the following, they may end up helping u emerge victorious over your lusty urges :
    1- you might need to tell your wife about what you do, what you are afraid will happen, and tell her personally to help you overcome what you are going through, have faith in her, she shouldn't get mad since you are viewing her own body and not cheating on her, tell her to hide your camera/s or sell them, delete all videos and pics, make sure you aren't able to reach them.

    2- start cold showering, eating healthy and exercising.

    3- what most people start doing on this site is giving up PMO (porn/masturbating/orgasm), you should do the same, prevent yourself from doing pmo, regarding ED, quit pmo and sex for 30 days straight with no relapsing, it may be hard for your wife to stop sex for 30 days too, but you need to go through this together, after the 30 days, try doing a sexual intercourse and see if the ED is gone, if its not yet, try a 60 days.

    4- make sure to view this site frequently and read others successful stories, it helps.

    5- you will go through stages of depression definitely, you can always ask your wife to comfort you, or at the top right corner of this site, there is a (panic button), make sure to check it.

    good luck!

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