Originally Posted this in the over 40 for, but thought maybe it should go here since today is my first day. Hello everyone. This is my first post and first day on what I hope will be the road to recovery. I am 52 years old. I started masturbating at an early age (around 12) and have been addicted to it ever since. I feel like my early onset of masturbation actually caused some weakness and impacted the size of my penis. Anyway, I started with porn in my early years before the internet was even invented. Mainly looking at magazines whenever I could get them. Found that viewing porn while masturbating really exited me and heightened the experience. As the internet became available, I started looking at various porn sites. I was mainly turned on by lingerie and underwear sites as I've always had a fetish for this. But ultimately grew to more explicit sites. Really loved "classic" porn sites and retro porn. But my story turns unique. I married my current wife 15 years ago. I have to say, I really love this woman. And whats more, I find her incredibly beautiful and exciting. She's always had a great figure and I loved to see here in sexy lingerie and underwear. I started off by buying her lingerie and underwear and just enjoyed looking at her. Then the real trouble started. One day on a trip together, I was able to take a few pictures of her in her lingerie. I found it incredibly exciting. It fulfilled all my porn desires with the plus of having her in real life. As time went on, I started taking more and more pictures. I would find myself masturbating to her pictures more than any other type of porn. Then a few years ago, I bought a small video camera and secretly took a video of us together. That turned out to be the ultimate porn experience for me. Since then, I have found myself obsessed with taking secret videos of us together. She still lets me take pictures of her in her lingerie, but knows nothing about the secret videos. I know this is sick, but I started becoming obsessed with her pictures and the videos. Every time we went away, I would spend hours planning how I would video us together. This obsession grew and I found that I liked the secret videos and pictures more than anything else. I won't go into more detail other than to say I would do all I could to make the videos more and more graphic and erotic. All the time she didn't know anything. I found that I would have sex with her for the sole purpose of recording the video that I could masturbate to later. Over time, this addiction has completely ruined my real sex life. I have developed ED and am totally unable to orgasm in any way with my wife. My only sexual outlet today is masturbation while watching the porn I've created. I know this is wrong in so many ways, and I have realized if I don't do something, it will eventually ruin my marriage and destroy my life. So I started doing research and found this website. This is a big leap for me, and I hope this is a place where I can finally end this and restore my life, my ability to have sex with my wife, and preserve my marriage. Thanks for listening.