FREEDOM IS POSSIBLE - I AM THE PROOF (7300+ days PMO over; 365+ days PMO free)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Todor, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. WretchedBoy

    WretchedBoy Fapstronaut

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    Hi Todor,
    I have been a silent reader of this forum for a few month now but your story pushed me to post my first few words here.

    Thank you
    for taking the time to write this down for all of us. For me, reading this came just at the right moment.
    Today I reach day 70 without PMO and what might should feel like a milestone just didn´t. The last days I felt depressed, stressed and had no idea how to continue the process of improvement I had witnessed the first few weeks of abstinence.
    What you wrote about the benefits of mindfulness, breathing and "watching the thinker" gave me what I needed: a new perspective, new tools. Something to continue to work with. Be assured, you helped me out big time. Thank you so much.
     
    Payne Plank, Beekay148 and Todor like this.
  2. Beekay148

    Beekay148 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Todor!

    One of my goals for 2019 is to actually start reading and actually complete a book. It is hard for me as i get bored easily and i have short attention span, making it hard for me to keep up with the story.

    However, i found the time today to sit down and read through every single thing that you wrote!

    And so to say, it was quite a good read, knowing how you grew up, the way you chose to reflect on your past, overcoming your insecurities. Have you considered writing a book?
     
    Todor likes this.
  3. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear about your childhood traumas, before you get into any relationship please study this on youtube - Codependent - self-love deficit disorder, Narcissistic personality disorder. With your childhood trauma, you can easily attract a very toxic woman in your life. And that's life-threatening. This will give you an excellent psychology background of what we unconsciously attracting into our life without realizing and you will be well equipped to find love with an awareness.
     
    cranks175 and Anand Sharma like this.
  4. theFounder

    theFounder Fapstronaut

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    Your story is inspring thanks for sharing it.
    You said that you don't think about girls anymore and you enjoy contacting with them as you enjoy contacting with others. How do you do that? How do you see a beautiful girl and not think later about her or about making her your girlfriend and? I mean how do you be so innocent while dealing girls especially the beautiful ones? And What happens when you find out that a girl likes you?
    I hope that I was able to deliver yiu what I want to say and I hope you answer these questions. Answsering these questions is meaning a lot to me and will help me a lot in my recovery
     
  5. Nurdaulet

    Nurdaulet Fapstronaut

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    hi !
    Ineed help ! in this forum Alexsander said Masturbation at once not unhealthy.But that gave me lot of negative thoughs and negative mindset.and one guy inyoutube said nofap could be dangerous because of you being extra horny.And you going to fight with someone because of rising testostorone.How to overcame this negative thoughs ? (I'm stil learning eng)
     
  6. cranks175

    cranks175 Fapstronaut

    thanks for all your effort and for sharing your life with us in such detail, this should be the success story that always stays at the top of the section.
    wish you all the best for your life man!
     
    Todor and WretchedBoy like this.
  7. Binasapu89

    Binasapu89 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi Todor!

    I Deeply want to thank you for sharing this story with us. I stopped PMO 91 days ago so I came to the forums to check for some advice after the 90-day challenge. I didn't read much on the forums because I couldn't really relate with many of the reasons of why people were going through this process, but your story really touched me. I started because I needed (and still do) to stop objectifying people (in my mind only, mainly as a way to stop myself from engaging in new experiences) and to change how i felt about my sexual desires, and I am really inspired by your story. I feel that we should strive to live happier and more aware, and I really feel that the way you worked with yourself is amazing.
    So thanks again for the advice, resources and trust
     
    Todor likes this.
  8. 991Pure

    991Pure Fapstronaut

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  9. cranks175

    cranks175 Fapstronaut

    !!!! nice 4D Creator! words of wisdom!
     
    4DCreator likes this.
  10. Payne Plank

    Payne Plank Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your sharing. It shows how to stay with desires and stay clean.
     
    Todor likes this.
  11. Todor

    Todor Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone,

    It has been more than one year after the initial posts about my in-depth life-story and the claim for successful healing from the P addiction, published under this thread. A lot of things have happened since then and I’m here to give you an update, new insights and realizations that I’ve had, plus the latest discoveries and information on the psychology, biochemistry and neurobiology of the addiction I’ve encountered.

    I’ve already made an annual summary of 2018 in earlier reply here, so I’m not going to go into details again. But in order to make things as clear as possible and related to the initial posts from March 2018, I’ll start with the lessons that I learned in 2018 from the standpoint I’m having now, followed by more detailed information about what has happened in 2019 up to this moment.

    With the unfolding of my story you will see how things had to go progressively worse for me in 2018 and reach a critical point in end of May 2019, which served as a catalyst for my determination to take the right direction for my personal development. In other words – the suffering I went through was my biggest teacher.

    The discoveries I made in June 2019 are the main reason I decided to start writing again on the forum. I hope that the good news that I bring today will benefit many of you out there!

    Enjoy the reading!

    (Note: before I’ve even started, I know that this will turn out as a long post, which eventually has to take a form of another thread, but that will happen over time as my thoughts crystallize enough.)


    2018 (ESSENCE AND LESSONS)

    If you have already read my story and the part, where I describe the “BREAKTHROUGH moment” that I had with the P addiction in the end of 2017/beginning of 2018, you know that I was so strongly convinced that I have earned my freedom forever, which turned out to be true and false in the same time.

    It is true, because:
    • After the realizations that I made - in that moment of clarity in the end of Dec 2017 - I was able to see the PAIN inside the participants in those hard-core P videos I was watching, which was covered up by the sexual stimulation (pain medicated with pleasure). That realization was a sobering moment, which made me realize there was a pain in me, which I referred to, when I was watching those humiliating genres. I felt compassion for them, as well as for myself – something that did not happen often in my early life and something that I certainly didn’t provide myself with up to that moment.
    • It is also true, because the technique that I used, based on mindfulness of breath helped me stay sane and slowed down my compulsive action to MO, which created the necessary gap of time, in which realizations could occur. I can’t possibly ever overemphasize the beneficial effects that this practice/exercise has had on my life, along with great amount of writing and contemplating backing all realizations and progress up.
    But it was also false, because of two main reasons:
    • I hadn’t reached a deep enough understanding of the causes of my addiction yet and I came back to MO. I didn’t have understanding of those processes happening in my life, which still very much affected me through colleagues, friends, family members and most importantly – through my own thinking about myself. I also didn’t understand how everything is related to everything else, in a much more complex ways that I knew of. I had to update my knowledge on some very important topics, which allowed me to better see the bigger picture. (Note: one can argue there is such thing as “deep enough understanding” and I tend to agree with that, but I’m fine and feel satisfied with my level of understanding, when it provides me with enough information so that I don’t get emotionally and mentally triggered in real-time by any event, conversation or thought that appears in my head.)
    • Over time I forgot how important mindfulness was to me in dealing with stress, anxiety and compulsive thinking and doing. Due to engaging with other things in my immediate daily life, I neglected the practice to sit still for 5-10 minutes a day, so I lost control over myself, over my desires and ultimate goals and I MO, even though I did not watch P at first. That was the first step back to where I was coming from. It was a resurrection of the habit, which had a big negative impact on my life.
    -----------------

    So, on May 7, 2018 I broke my first 126 days streak “monk-mode”. It was not a happy day, yet what was significantly different this time was that I had compassion for myself. I did not blame myself for what I did, nor I punished myself internally, by thinking negatively about myself. I did not despise myself for being unable to stay true to my long-term decisions. I acknowledged what I had done and I stood up for myself unlike the times in my past, in my childhood, when my parents failed to provide me with the knowledge how to be okay with my mistakes and failures (which are inseparable part of growth and human evolution).

    I moved on from that event and I didn’t come back to P again, but slowly, over time I slipped into MO almost every day. In the end of 2018 one year after I stopped watching P and PMO, I was back to a very bad habit - MO.


    2019

    In Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr 2019 I traveled abroad where I worked hard under stressful conditions, on a job that I liked. MO was on and off - a part of my routine – before and/or after work, to release the stress, to get some pleasure, to boost the short-term energy levels in me. In those months I had a few streaks lasting more than a week and that felt great, but as soon as I passed the 20 days mark, there was always something that made me MO – a thought or a condition, perpetuating a thought which created an urge that I followed. I was annoyed and sad that I couldn’t hold on to my promise not to fap after each and every time I reached O, but I couldn’t help it. What I did was I started noting down every time I MO, which gave me a visual understanding of how often this was occurring – I was kind of shocked when I looked at it in the span of 4 months.

    In May 2019 everything that I had achieved so far in the sphere of self-knowledge, understanding myself and ability to self-navigate in critical times, was put under a test. I humbly admit that I didn’t pass it.

    (Please, note that everything I’m describing in the following experience of mine is related to everything I’m going to share with you later on. The detailed description is necessary and on purpose, in order to get better understanding of what comes as new information in second part of the post.)

    What happened in May 2019?

    I came back home from abroad and met my parents. I had so much to tell them and I expected to have a long and meaningful conversation in which both sides listen attentively and with care. Sadly enough for me, my father quickly turned the conversation into questions about his smartphone, his laptop, his new TV-set and the new blender in the household. That was rather frustrating, not because I don’t want to help him out, but because of the total shift of the focus from my arrival to the topic “technology”. My reaction then, which I understand better now, was to start talking about how I tend to dislike technology nowadays, how it is robbing our human-to-human connection, our time for ourselves and how much it occupies our minds in general. Over the period of the next 4-5 hours of never ending questions and discussions on technology, I felt totally spent, empty and so sad, which resembled very much the depressive states I used to fall into many times before. So, I decided to leave my parents and go to my house.

    CAUTION! TRIGGER WARNING! The following description contains words and thoughts which describe the dynamics that led to my relapse and may be triggering to some. Be mindful as you read OR skip directly to “END OF TRIGGER WARNING”!

    The following week, I spent in my house, in solitude, because I live alone in a big house and just because I got sick – I avoided meeting the neighbors. Coming to the place I used to live before I went abroad, I was faced with the unresolved questions I left behind before leaving.

    I decided to fix one particular thing, which was related to buying several items that cost around 200 bucks altogether, before I intended to actually sit down and think seriously about the bigger problems related to my unclear future professional development.

    So, I spent several days doing a research, considering which items to buy, with all possible pros and cons, but it was still a very hard decision, because I was choosing between multiple very similar offers and products. I couldn’t decide. I couldn’t pick up the phone and call, talk to the people and get some advice from them, because I was afraid that they will see me as hesitant and indecisive, eventually will get frustrated and hang up on me – I couldn’t allow myself to experience anything near that, so I didn’t call.

    I got so stuck on a task which I regarded as simple and small and my frustration was building up seriously. I remember that in my head the following thoughts were circling and gaining momentum: “Damn, I’m not able to make such a simple decision, how do I think I’ll be able to bring into existence the big plans that I have, to have my own business, to be a successful, independent person? I’m not good enough to do that simple thing, what about everything else much more complicated and important?” This is what I was telling to myself. I was the only one person who criticized myself, no one else knew about my struggle.

    And then, after some more hours of inability to take a decision, in a moment of desperation, I had this thought: “You’re only good at making bj, just accept that and go fuck yourself?” – I can’t explain well enough what kind of feelings and pull towards a very dark place that thought had on me. But I’m sure those of you, who have been in my position understand how I felt. That pull was so strong, that it almost broke me. My entire view of the world changed for some minutes. I got this dark veil on top of me, suppressing every other sensation, just pulling me towards thoughts of P and images of me being humiliated sexually.

    I struggled with the urges to MO for about 15 minutes, intensely. I tried to pin-point the events in the past, which created this mindset, I remembered how I started MO as a kid, what and who got me involved in the P, how it escalated. As soon as I got this bigger picture; as soon as I named the initial trigger, my body calmed down and I found peace.

    But then, after a couple of hours of unproductive time trying to make my decision on the same purchase, I had another thought: “Why don’t you watch some naked girls?” That was the same impulse that came to visit me the first time, but since I managed to deal with it in the previous form, now it tried to sneak in as something much “less harmful”, to which I had much lower mental resistance.

    And off I went. It took a few keystrokes and I was in a website, watching nude girls. Once the barrier was crossed, to get to real P wasn’t that hard. It happened almost automatically. Before I realized, I had relapsed. 25 days streak was over.

    But then again, I had the two choices here: to beat myself up for what I did or to be self-compassionate, self-accepting and understanding the reasons for my actions. Indeed, the fact that I treated myself positively in that situation was the first step in the right direction of finding the way to myself again.

    END OF TRIGGER WARNING

    The following days after the relapse were not good for me. Although I had some understanding for myself, the physiological effects of the PMO affected my entire life significantly, in a very negative way. I became extremely irritable, anxious, overwhelmed by the communication with people in person. A very negative view about the world in general was generated in my head again. It is quite clear that the PMO had a role in that. I did not talk to anybody about my inner struggles, I didn’t share with my family, I had nobody, who understands me. I kept everything inside and pretended that I’m alright on the outside. I was living a double life. I was totally disintegrated inside.

    In the second half of May 2019 I slipped back to my previous habits – to MO and PMO regularly, which was not a pleasant experience.

    Having observed the negative effects of MO and PMO long enough, on June 1st I took a decision to go on another NoFap reboot. I set my goal for 30 days “monk mode” – long enough to get some air, but not too long for my brain to handle.

    The positive effects, along with the huge challenges showed up a bit more than a week after the beginning of the process, with the highest peak at day 40. The entire period was marked with acquiring new information, which I’d like to share with you now.




    NEW INFORMATION


    In June 2019, I found myself desperate again, like many times before in my life, without a clear vision where I want to head next, what I wanted to do and how to deal with the fact that I like girls so much, but I’m single.

    Stuck and with a lot of free time on my side, I had no other option but to dive into a search for answers. I started doing a self-inquiry, in a form of writing what the problem was for me and asking myself what I genuinely want to do about it.

    Little by little, the things started to surface...

    The very first thing that appeared was the topic of:

    SHAME

    I realized that what was paralyzing me when I was doing something, in which I have no experience, and thus – no confidence, was the overwhelming sensation of shame. Some refer to it as “toxic shame” in contrast to what is known as the normal sense of shame, which are integral part of the evolution of the individual.

    And as usual, when I don’t know something: I go on YouTube and start watching videos on the topic.

    The first video that watched was this:



    Although it didn’t relate to my case 1:1, in that video I found myself in many ways. It was the first mirror, in which I saw how bad I was treating myself and the most significant of all – I’ve never loved myself.

    The one quote that stood out for me was: “Confidence is a product of action and not the other way round", which became my motivation to do the things I want to do, but fear the most, because of the thought “what will the others say?”. The remedy was: “Just do it anyway. Face the discomfort, the fear, the anxiety and go through it with your head up.” Since then I’ve made a lot of changes in my life.


    The next videos, coming from

    Dr. Brené Brown

    were more profound and I started slowly to put the puzzle together:



    This video took me to the next one, which was actually recorded one year before that, here it is:



    What I liked about Dr. Brown was that she is a hard-core scientist, who didn’t believe in things just like that, but wants to measure, analyze and use scientific methods to understand. That often sits well with me, too.


    The next stop in my research was the video from

    John Bradshaw



    56 minutes of pure gold!

    That video resonated so much with me and on so many levels, I can’t describe it well enough with words. I’m sure whoever of you watches it, will find a lot of value in it. Many will recognize themselves in Bradshaw, because he was himself traumatized by abusive father, painful divorce of his parents, which led to his alcohol and sex addictions later in his life.

    The example of John Bradshaw is very important to me, because it shows that no matter what has happened with us and how damaged we think we are, there is a way out of the mess.

    I encourage you to look up for another videos from him talking about the process of healing of the childhood wounds.

    For those who would like to further read about Bradshaw, here’s a valuable article: http://thepmshow.tv/channel/personal-development/from-shame-to-fame-–-an-exclusive-interview-with-dr-john-bradshaw/

    By the way, it is amazing how far ahead of his time this man was (R.I.P.).


    Then what followed was an interview from

    Dr. Gerald Loren Fishkin

    a clinical psychologist, who works on studying and treatment of shame and looks at it from a new perspective, including the science of neurology:



    I found the information in this interview with Dr. Fishkin extremely valuable, especially the part of what is not working in case of unresolved childhood trauma – something that many people take as a first step, namely positive affirmation and trying to change a belief before they have acknowledged their past, the abuse they’ve went through and the pain that has to come out for the healing to occur.



    CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND ADDICTION

    I readily absorbed the information about the topic of shame and it totally resonated with me, but the picture wasn’t full until I met the brilliant

    Dr. Gabor Maté

    [​IMG]


    who took the matters to a whole another level of understanding!

    From the very first interview with him, I was stunned to hear that not only the things that we consciously remember as children, but even those experiences happening to the mother, while she bears the child, have a significant effect on how the individual will develop later in life – all backed up by scientific studies. For example, the stress hormone cortisol, which is released in the mother’s body under severe trauma or prolonged stress, has been shown to affect the foetus’ brain development, cognitive abilities, ability to cope with stress and the functioning of the immune system.

    For so many years I couldn’t figure out why I’m so sensitive to everything, with a strong bias towards negativity, but it all became clearer when I found out how my mother was feeling when I was in her womb and later on, after my birth. The constant stress that she had experienced had, of course, an effect on my physiology and nervous system.

    The more I watched, the more I understood that the right way to treat myself is with compassion, patience and understanding. Exactly the opposite of what I’ve been doing to myself in my adulthood, in which I always pushed myself beyond the healthy limits of my body and mind – to prove the others I’m worthy; always expecting the highest achievements in anything I do and feeling miserable even from small mistakes or imperfections – that has cause me immense amount of suffering.


    Here is a list of the so called “adverse childhood experiences”, which Dr. Maté regards as correlated to developing of an addiction:

    - Physical, emotional or sexual abuse;

    - Violence in the family;

    - A parent being mentally ill;

    - A parent being jailed or missing;

    - A parent being addicted;

    - Stress on the mother;

    - Lack of supportive parent/adult figure

    - Neglect

    - A divorce

    I’m not a therapist, nor a doctor, but I still think that it may be a very good decision for whoever recognizes any of these as part of their childhood experiences, to consider reviewing/reflecting on that alone or with the help of a professional (I do both now). Often, we try to forget what has happened in our past, push it away and pay no or little attention to it, but if the wounds aren’t healed, they will remind for themselves over and over again (speaking from first-hand experience).


    Now, I need to mention that, although the main topic of my research initially was the P addiction and the HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), with the help of Dr. Maté I came to see that the addiction can take various other forms, which fit his definition:

    An addiction is any behavior that gives a temporary relief, temporary pleasure, but in the long term has negative consequences and you can’t give it up, despite those consequences.” And he also points out that: “It is not an individual brain disease, but actually is a function of the child’s experience, in a multigenerational family environment, where trauma is passed on from generation to generation, unwillingly...”, I would add: and unconsciously.

    Dr. Maté puts into the category of addictions the use of drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, food, television, computer games, Internet, work, and he says that even sense of power and acquisition can become an addiction.

    Many people think (including myself when I was a teenager), that since sex and MO come naturally to us, as a part of our biology and physiology, they can’t become addictive, yet that is not the case. The P addiction is no exception...

    I can write for hours about the work of Dr. Maté, but since I’ve been doing this anyways, following I’ll give a list of the videos that I have found most valuable to me, in order of duration, starting from the shortest ones:


    ADVICE TO MY YOUNGER SELF | Dr Gabor Maté on London Real
    https://youtu.be/hF_BHZqmt6s


    Dr. Gabor Mate: Addiction
    https://youtu.be/_-APGWvYupU


    The Power of Addiction and The Addiction of Power: Gabor Maté at TEDxRio+20
    https://youtu.be/66cYcSak6nE


    Dr Gabor Maté on Childhood Trauma, The Real Cause of Anxiety, Our 'Insane' Culture and Ayahuasca
    https://youtu.be/e7pV0IPWUlI


    Gabor Mate - How emotions affects our cognitive functioning
    https://youtu.be/UYvxlkCGmbQ


    DR GABOR MATÉ - WHY YOU ARE ADDICTED | London Real Jun 11, 2017
    https://youtu.be/iKFJ3y0TdYI


    DR GABOR MATÉ - CHILDHOOD TRAUMA CREATES ADDICTION | London Real Jan 6, 2019
    https://youtu.be/ojq-U13726E


    Keynote ACES to Assets 2019 – Dr Gabor Maté – Understanding addiction as a result of trauma
    https://youtu.be/MyC1DWEHY9w


    Dr. Gabor Maté In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts | Addiction Interview | Joe Polish
    https://youtu.be/VvQYwOlx0HY


    Gabor Maté M.D - The Biology of Loss and Recovery
    https://youtu.be/17eS_lQNtdU


    Keynote ACES to Assets 2019 – Dr. Gabor Maté – Trauma as disconnection from the self
    https://youtu.be/tef5_HK5Zlc


    Russell Brand & Gabor Mate | Damaged Leaders Rule The World
    https://youtu.be/C-mJnYmdVmQ


    Dr. Gabor Maté Interview | The Tim Ferriss Show
    https://youtu.be/H9B5mYfBPlY


    So, that’s a little over 10 hours of Dr. Maté’s video interviews




    THE BIG REALIZATION - THE PORN ADDICTION IS NOT THE PROBLEM

    For some years now, I’ve been having doubts if the P addiction was my main problem. Now, I’m sure it’s not.

    See, the majority of people who are addicted to P think that “if they could resolve only this one evil thing” everything in their lives will instantly go back to normal, and even more – life will become fantastic, amazing and incredible experience. I’m sorry to say it, but that is simply not going to happen. It won’t, because the P addiction is merely a symptom for other issues in our lives, that we need to be resolved!

    In fact, I was blindly believing, that after the successful 3 months reboot in 2018, all I have to do from there on was to be mindful and present, avoid P at all costs, so I don’t allow the addiction to grow out of the roots which were still there, somewhere deep inside me. I thought I have solved my main problem, but I was proven wrong. Many times.

    I had to trip over and over again, suffer greatly, until I finally decided to look into myself and face those old traumas and unhealed wounds. Some of them which showed up again in 2019 are:

    - SCARCITY MINDSET – even though I’ve always had enough money on my disposal, I’ve always feared that I’m going to end up homeless, searching for food in the trash bins and so on (a projection of a horrible future). Most of the times when I’ve decided to buy something a bit more expensive for myself, I’ve felt a sense of guilt and unworthiness; a fear of doing too much, spending too much, so I’ve enjoyed what I’ve bought with very mixed feelings. I’ve despised rich people, labeling them as “bad” in my head, having this internal anger against them. Wanting to be rich myself was such a contradiction with my thoughts and emotions towards those wealthy people.

    - INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP ISSUES – I’ve had many relationships in my life, and the reason for that is that I’ve always been afraid to be with one person for a longer period of time, and I’ve been almost exclusively the one who has left first (commitment issues and fear of abandonment).

    - STRUGGLES WITH TAKING (IMPORTANT) DECISIONS – I’ve been avoiding taking decisions as much as possible, leaving this to destiny, to God, to Life itself. I’ve often used the help of Astrologists, who were telling me how things are going to go, i.e. I’ve sought external opinions, because I didn’t trust myself.

    I must say that trusting God is one thing, but leaving myself out of the equation when important decision had to be taken, is a form of escapism and avoidance strategy (problems taking responsibilities and bearing the consequences of my own choices).

    - NOT ACCEPTING MY BODY AS IT ISit started long time ago – in my teens, when I looked for my misfortune in life and with the girls, in the mirror, where I gradually over time, started to blame, hate and be ashamed of the image I was seeing. I speculated that there is something wrong with the way I looked. I started asking myself questions: “Is it my nose? Is it my teeth? Is it my ears? Is it my eyes? Am I masculine enough for the girls to want me?”. To all these questions I found answers that supported my theory that I’m not attractive and not “male” enough and that’s why the girls don’t notice me. But, in reality, I was the one that gave up trying to talk to girl, because I was paralyzed with fear of rejection.

    Having reflected on all this, it is not so difficult to see why I’ve been struggling with my life so much.


    THE HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

    And finally, I’ve come to realize, that the P addiction, in the way it escalated in my case – into a full-blown HOCD (the thing that made my life TRUE HELL) is, in its deepest essence, a desperate call for love.

    The words which most accurately describe what lies behind my HOCD are: “I want to be loved; love me; touch me, want me; accept me, tell me I’m desired, take care of me, protect me”. The HOCD is a desperate act of seeking love, when you have no love for yourself at all. You don’t have it, because you were never shown how to love yourself.


    The conclusion that I’m pointing at is this: we all seek for human connection, closeness, appreciation, acknowledgment, acceptance, security and protection. It is within our very nature to be connected. Loneliness, abandonment and isolation for us is pain, suffering and even death, especially when we are very little. We do all we can to get the love we need, to get attention and a sense of belonging. If we are, for any reason, deprived from those basic needs of ours, the chances of end up as addicted to something are very high.

    -----------------

    It sounds cliché, but what happened, happened for a reason and it could not have been otherwise. Once we understand the reason for the addiction to occur in our lives and what role it played, then it all makes sense.


    At this point in my life, the words of the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle:

    ”Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.”

    sound very close to me.

    At this point I clearly see that the P is doing more damage on my entire life, as it helps me in protecting me from the pain I used to experience back in time. It’s time for me to move on and start working on myself.


    Warm greetings to all of you,
    Todor
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
  12. VictoryIsOurs

    VictoryIsOurs Fapstronaut

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    I just don't know what to say.I had the same experience when I was introduced to PMO.thank you for confirming what I was thinking KEEPING HANDS DOWN
     
    Todor likes this.
  13. over50

    over50 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for sharing the information, this is very helpful and somehow confirms what I've read in Dr Robert Clovers book "No more Mr Nice Guy". I wonder if you read it too and what you thought of it.
     
    Todor likes this.
  14. 05realme

    05realme Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this amazing, inspiring and motivating thread.hatsoff brother! This will truly help me in my journey towards freedom.
     
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  15. Biswajyoti

    Biswajyoti Fapstronaut

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    this is one of the best posts i have ever come across... thanks for sharing your story. It will definitely inspire fellow fapstronauts.
     
    Todor likes this.
  16. Snakeloa

    Snakeloa Fapstronaut

    @Todor This post is a piece of Art. Man. Thank you. I had the shame and vulnerability figuered out already. But now I just found the missing Link of how my life connects to all this. I am grateful for the work you did putting all this together.
     
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  17. Captain!

    Captain! Fapstronaut

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    This might help
     

    Attached Files:

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  18. blazer72

    blazer72 Fapstronaut

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    I discovered Brene Brown and No More Mr. Nice Guy at the same time. They have been life changing.
     
    Todor and Baldur like this.
  19. Baldur

    Baldur Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing all the resources! It is a blessing! <3
     
    Todor likes this.
  20. hydroxide

    hydroxide Fapstronaut

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    These are legendary writings. Thank you
     
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