Frustrated - Stuck in a cycle of relapsing approximately every 30 days

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deysonn, Oct 7, 2020.

  1. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    Hey guys, been at this a while now and I can not seem to achieve any consistency. I go about 20 - 30 days and then I find myself being sucked back into old habits. This time around it was not a hardcore porn binge. For that I am happy but I still got sucked in by sexy videos on youtube and actually watched a few minutes of hentai. And again my streak is broken.

    I feel a mixture of anger, disappointment and sadness this time around. I am literally thinking what the f.... is wrong with me. It is not like I don't know all the ill effects and I still find myself going back to my old habits. I know the things to keep away from and my triggers but I get to a point where it is almost like I don't care. I have have even suffered with PIED before but still I just succumb.

    I am angry and disappointed right now. I need to get over this hurdle. A challenge for me is that I had a GF and we broke up about year now. This relationship was a sexual outlet for me. Since I no longer have this I eventually fall back to PMO as a substitute for release, companionship and real sex.

    Tired of beating myself up over this, I go good for a while and then relapse. How do I manage this with no avenue for a real relationship right now. Does having someone to talk to help? Maybe I should try a virtual support group, any suggestions? I have never had a conversation with anyone about my problem with the exception of posting on this forum.
    Jarad999 likes this.
  2. Jarad999

    Jarad999 Fapstronaut

    I have definitely been there, mate.

    It is tough to be in a cycle, in order to break this cycle is that you need to know what is causing it. Is it just urges that get to you every time you hit those streaks? Then go outside or stay inside, turn off youtube and be productive or busy through out your day. Always be vigilant where will your mind wander off, sometimes our mind just thinks about s*x out of nowhere, but it is your decision to make those explicit images stay in your head or out.

    Meditation is Key to know your reasons and purposes why you joined nofap, meditation can be anything, Yoga, listening to harmony music or hip hop music or it can be anything that makes your mind and body relax. Personally for me i play musical instruments for me to make myself occupied, it can be reading books for you if you are intrested into reading novels or historical stuff or maybe something else.

    The point is that keeping yourself occupied rather than letting your mind loose and wander off is better because your mind has so many emphty slots that needs to be filled in by what you see things and hear things.

    I'm sorry you had to relapse multiple times and stayed in a row that is never going to grow, but mate keep trying something new, there is always time out there in the world and it's your choice to spend it.
  3. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

    There is a reason why it's called an addiction. It's not easy to escape from it. But it's better to quit before it gets really bad. Personally I was thinking it was the end for me after 7 years of moderate decline and another 3 years of steep decline —then I discovered NoFap and sticked to it. Don't wait until you are there mate, confront it now.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2020
    thikk likes this.
  4. grffn

    grffn Fapstronaut

    You need to identify what is triggering the relapse, and then take steps to remove that trigger from your life. You can't rely on willpower.

    There is probably a pattern, since you are relapsing around the same period of time. Next time you get to the 20-30 day period, pay attention to how you are feeling. Try to notice if any urge arise, was there something that caused it? And then consider how to avoid that cause in the future.
    clapas likes this.
  5. Eternal96

    Eternal96 Fapstronaut

    Don't know if this will help but relapsed after 20 days today, I was going really well for the longest time but the last 3 or 4 days leading up to the relapse I started thinking more and more about P.
    This is probably normal coming up to 30 days, they say it takes that long to get over the first hurdle of any addiction. I think what's making us relapse are the withdrawal symptoms kicking in, that feeling of "not caring" you get might be your brain trying to worm its way back towards PMO because it's something that gives you comfort. It won't be easy but maybe you just have to battle past the withdrawal symptoms.
  6. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the input guys, I just seem to get sexually stimulated easily after that period of time. The reality is that I like how it feels in the moment but I know there is a shit storm to follow if I continue with the behavior. After thirty days it is a test of my will power. You see sexual images everywhere, it is like my resolve gets broken down and eventually I go looking. I am still in a phase right now where I really want to watch porn. Normally I binge severely after a relapse. This time I have not, so I am still craving more stimulation. Will see how I do over the coming weeks. I actually downloaded a porn video yesterday. About five seconds into the intro I stopped and deleted it. Just in case you are wondering I have a porn filter installed on my pc. I suspect I would have binged by now if access was easier. I basically installed it and tossed the password. So I actually have to work a bit to get access to porn.

    In some ways I wonder if I am trading one addiction for another, am I addicted to sex also and just use porn when I can not have sex? If I had an endless supply of sexual partners I wonder if I would just shag my life away. I will need to give this some thought.

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