Gay sex due to convenience? Warning could be graphic

Well, good luck on your journey.

 

I wouldn't over analyse things because it would drive me crazy if I tried to figure everything out before or during a reboot. For example. I believe that my irritability and my social awkwardness could be a symptom of my addiction to PMO but who knows I am just going to front foot through this reboot and then figure things out after.

I think the best thing for you to do is to just focus all your energy on your reboot. Once you have completed it then take a step back a look at your life.

 

I can relate and will share more when I am at my computer and not my phone. Read my journal or email me if you wish.
FW

 

Well, for now, see how your reboot goes. Your fantasy of being bottomed may not go away, but maybe you can find a healthy relationship in which to explore that part of yourself.

Keep a journal, and keep in touch.

 

I agree with everything that has been said. Start by just "doing the time;" 90-180 days nofap, ideally hard mode. Don't over think it, don't try to check your progress compulsively during that period. Progress will come naturally.

 

Do a journal. It will track your struggles and will show you how far you have come. Share your highs and your lows, your challenges and your successess. If you do not record your history, you wil not remember most of it.

 

Hey Alan, about a socialite vs feeling boring.
A few years ago I would hardly talk to my friends. I felt like I had nothing to contribute really. I felt boring and awkward.
These days I'm considered a very social guy, I can make friends fairly easy and get groups of people enjoying themselves.

When I spot people these days who are boring I'm not going to lie I generally avoid them and put my effort into people that seems more socially strong, edgy or dominate. But the guys that I still love to hang around with and have in groups are the maybe more boring, socially awkward or shy guys but who are still very friendly and a bit enthusiastic.

Even guys who feel they have nothing to contribute are worth hanging around if they be positive...and almost always these guys have more to offer than they actually realize, they just don't see it OR they see social as something more than it is.

 

Hey alan,

Found your thread and wanted to comment. I only ever experimented with my sexuality one, back in high school. I didn't get anything out of it, so I never did it again. And up until now never mentioned it.

However, I have found myself watching transgendered person porn. Never felt really great about watching it but it did provide a great thrill. I did some research and found out it's not that uncommon for straight men to watch transgendered person porn. I think it has something to do with transgendered people striving to achieve the perfect appearance for their new life. In all the transgendered person videos I ever watched, and their have been quite a few, the women were drop dead gorgeous. Only problem is they still have their cocks. Which for some reason, I found oddly thrilling at the time. I'v even considered responding to those back page ads you seen online and in those artsy newspapers. Never responded to one, and don't think I ever will, fear of aids and std's and all. But the thought has crossed my mind .

So I think the deeper you sink into your addiction the more you have to go the extreme to get that elusive rush. I'm pretty sure this is supported by science .

Best advice anyone can give you is be true to yourself. As Shakespeare once wrote "This above all, to thine own self be true". Figure out who you are and what you want out of life. To some extent I think you've done that. And don't worry. Nobody here is judging you.

Hope this helps. Haven't read the entire thread. Just wanted to share my story.

Stay strong and strive to achieve,
Geyser

 

I recommend keeping a journal as well. It helps with accountability, especially when things get tough (days 20-40).

 

Reading this post to this music is very moving stuff. Good work!

 

Hey Alan,

Just read your post and the story sounds all too familiar. I started out just like you, no porn just getting off on fantasies then I started getting off on talking to random girls (i think) on msn messenger etc, then I found porn. The porn was straight up man on woman stuff nothing overly challenging and that was great but then I got bored so I moved on to orgies, maybe gang banging and all that kind of stuff the eventually I simply needed more of a hit so went on to transgendered person porn before eventually winding up at gay porn which I only watched a little of but when I got off on this it always resulted in the question of 'am i gay?'

Now the gay stuff goes back maybe 5-7 years now but it was a very bad time, my mind was in a bad place. I knew I wasn't gay because I never ever had any proper physical attraction to males, those thoughts just never crossed my mind but tucked away in my room, bored and needing a quick fix thats the kind of stuff I found myself going to. At that time I was definitely confused, I felt like I was sick, my thoughts totally messed up and always doubting myself.

Right now I'm fighting my own battles with porn, 39 days clean today but nothing like those days. I put those days down to growing up, trying to find out who I am, maybe boredom played a role but I knew I had to get away from all that shit. I was recently in thailand, 1 night I had thai lady boys all trying to get my attention by touching me anywhere they could get their hands on, I wasnt interested. Thanksfully I've turned that corner but as I say it isnt plain sailing just yet. You'll do the same, you're young and you understand that this shit is real, porn definitely does weird things to your mind theres no doubt. You'll step away, clear the head and approach this with a clearer mind set but don't stress about it man cause you're doing it the right way!!

 

Nah... it happens to the best of us!

 

Nope. Being aroused randomly and sometimes with precum is natural and part of the joys and frustrations of being a man.

 

Wow this is quite a thread and it does sounds all too familiar.

I'm straight and I'm certain of that. But porn has warped me into accepting that something's are ok if your not the one doing it but receiving it from another guy. You make all the rationalizations about a mouth being a mouth or if they are crossed dressed. You get there because you've seen it in a porn. You've crossed the wires of your brain looking for that next exciting dopamine high and whatever you were viewing at the time somehow takes root.

It's not about whether you are Gay, straight, Bi or Martian. It's about how you've trained your brain to react to certain things that now arouse you but in the past didn't Maybe you are Gay or Bi, hell I thought for awhile I was too I don't think that's abnormal thinking with or without porn. But once porn is introduced it makes impossible to know what your nature is from what you are excited about sexually as I think they are 2 different things when you are under the influence of porn.

I've said this often in these forums. Porn is evil it's indefensible and it will suck you down. It's a demon that desires to have you and it's ruthless and uncompromising. Slay this Demon and find out what your true nature is

Stay strong!

 

Hi Alan,

You're not alone! I'm 100% sure I'm straight but I also ended up watching gay porn to get my dopamine fix (I would usually search for boys who look like me). I also had that fantasy about being 'bottomed', but frankly 11 or 12 days into NoFap the idea of having gay sex seems the weirdest thing ever, nearly the whole time. Also, you're probably aware of this, but you can fulfill your fantasy (porn induced or otherwise) of bottoming without it being gay; 'pegging' is supposedly increasingly common. There's also nothing unusual among straight guys about finding anal penetration pleasurable. Prostate, duh! Anyway, whoever said wait for your reboot to finish before being sexual again was right. Your fantasies will probably have altered considerably and wanting to screw girls lovingly will probably be your main desire. I'm already at the point where I feel a deep need to have PIV (a need I never felt while on PMO).

Good luck!