Going through feeling shitty -> fapping -> feeling even more shittier cycle

You're not alone. That's the way it was for me just about every time.
Being so hard on yourself that you want to kill yourself is just another way of recognising that the fapping has control of you, not the other way around, and it sucks.

I recommend a couple things - first, take care of yourself in every other way. Eat right, get enough sleep, exercise, get to work or school on time, do your homework if you're in school.

Second, you're probably not fapping in public, so get yourself around some other people.

Third, stay away from porn. This is a tough one if your an addict like me. If you're an addict and you quit, you'll have a hole that needs to be filled with something else otherwise you'll just end up back in the same spot you are now. Find something to do that can replace it, and learn a little about the 12 step program - it's not just for alcoholics, it's for us too.

Anyway, good luck, take care of your self and know that you aren't alone.

Davecb - 29 days free from porn.

 

hang in there- um, "thatBrownGuy". I think that's possibly the most racist sounding thing I've ever said- haha. Keep your own journal on here- but also post on other threads (that's probably where you'll get into conversations and stuff). I've been on this site since Octoberish and it's been helpful to me. I went from PMOing once a week to- well, about half of that. I had a stretch of 10 days, then 24 days, then 11. So, progress. (I'm at 14 days right now). I definitely recommend getting a counter (like I've got by my name- there's a link right there to click on). You're in an addiction cycle-- there's tons of stuff to help you on this site, and on yourbrainonporn.com

Davecb cuts to the heart of it though- when you look at porn what are you looking for? What need of your heart are you trying to fill, only to end up empty? If you find a way to fill that need correctly or appropriately or in a way that actually works, your desire and affection for porn will dissipate.

 

Yes, I think we have all had that feeling. Been there a couple times. You just have to understand that fapping makes you experience your happy moments as a sort of euphoria and your low moments as a sort of depression. Your brain can't handle those ups and down, at least thats what I noticed for myself. Like Earnest Lee said get a counter, get a blocker on your computer, and limit your cell phone usage to public places. A drug addict can't stop if you supply him with the drugs. Then stay busy if if its small, go on a walk, watch an informational video on youtube.

 

Breaking this addiction will definitely improve your moods and will improve your relationship also. I've experienced this. Here's what I've been doing:

1. Made this website the first thing I see whenever I open any web browser.
2. Read and post comments on this site, post to my journal, encourage others, usually multiple times a day.
3. Keep my bedroom door open when I'm home.
4. Wear a rubber band (or similar thing) around my wrist and snap it lightly whenever I have a sexual thought, start fantasizing, or have a desire to look at porn or masturbate.
5. Installed K-9 to block adult sites.
6. Read articles on yourbrainonporn.com to learn more about my addiction
7. Made a counter and check it throughout the day and coach myself to get through the next hours until the counter clicks to the next day.

You can do this!

 

Another thing that always helps is to get out and do some volunteer work or something. Get outside of yourself and focus on service to others. That always helps to improve my mood and keep my mind off of PMO. Don't wallow in self loathing. You can't do anything to undue what you have already done, so focus on making better choices going forward. You can change.

Also, spend the time you normally PMO on a healthy new habit like exercise or some other productive hobby.

 

The rubber band thing has worked wonders for me. I wear an elastic hair tie, so it just looks like a bracelet. And I can lightly snap it no matter where I am and no one knows that I'm doing. Works great. Been using it everyday for the last 26 days I've been PMO free.

In the first week or so I was amazed at how often I would have to snap it. So many times during the day where I would want to fap or look at porn or fantasize about a girl. But now it happens less and less.

 

You've gotten to the point of why it's important for us to quit and why it hurts our partners so deeply. When someone loves you they hope and want to know that you love them back at least as much as they love you. They want you to think about them.

My wife and your girlfriend want us to be thinking about their lips and kisses, not someone elses.

They want our attention.

That's what porn and fapping steal away from us, and that's why it's so important to drop them.

I'm married, and I love my wife, and I want her to know and be comfortable that when we're being intamate that she has all of my attention, and my mind isn't wandering off, or wishing we could skip all this hard stuff and get to the deed already. She doesn't want to be f-ed, she wants to be loved. That's the lie that porn feeds into our minds - women and men just want to be f-ed.

Well, I for one want a whole lot more.

I want a life.

Keep up the good work Brownguy.

Davecb - 30 days free from porn.

 

That's great!

 

So, here's a couple things for you -

First, you're doing good. Going for a drive and getting away from your computer was exactly the right thing to do.

Second, you're not out of the woods yet - you're coming up on the hardest days as your brain starts to go through withdrawl. Fapping hits your brain in the same spot that amphetamines do, and can be just as addictive and when you stop can be just as hard. Your brain wants more, and if you're like all the rest of us, you've created habits around getting your fix. Somewhere around day six you'll have a really awful, hard, terrible day, and you're going to really want to just give up.

Get through those days one at a time and it'll get easier.

Third... ok, so I have kids, and I just have to say this because I would tell them the same thing... basing whether you marry someone on whether or not you've fapped is maybe not the best idea. If you think she's a keeper and someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with, then you owe it to her and yourself to tell her about your problem. I'm guessing you're keeping it secret. I kept my porn addiction secret from my wife for years. (I'm an IT professional, so I'm good at covering my tracks.) So when she finally found out she felt intensly betrayed. I'd been lying to her, hiding things from her, and basically stealing myself from her for a long time. She's stayed with me, thank God, but not everyone will. I think during our worst times she's only stayed because we have children - her pain comes in waves, some days it's worse than others.

So, before you get married, before you have kids to think about, tell her what she's getting into and give her the chance to really know you. You may be surprised and find that she's your greatest support and help when dealing with this kind of thing. Girls really like honesty. Nobody likes being lied to.

And one more thing - Depression is a pretty nasty thing. It sneaks up on you and before you know it you're in a deep dark hole with what looks like no way out. The best thing to do is recognise the signs and do things to keep yourself from heading that direction in the first place. Exercise, sleep, eat good food (not junk food), try to stay away from corn (seriously, sounds strange I know, but brains are straing things), and go get yourself a bottle of fish oil pills and take a couple a day.

Take care BrownGuy, you're doing good.

Davecb - 31 days of no porn

 

One day at a time, man. And if a day seems like too much time, just look at the number of hours until your counter clicks to the next day.

It also helps if you know you're going to be alone for awhile to plan something to do. Yesterday I knew I was going to be with my girlfriend all day. That's an easy day. Today I'm by myself all day, so I have to plan. When I'm home I'll leave my door open (I have roommates). I'm going to exercise this afternoon, go to starbucks and work a little, etc.