Hard mode - entering Phase II

I am writing this post mostly to share some experience with you and to sort out my own thoughts and feelings...

I take my 90days hard mode streak as partially atonement, partially challenge and partially experiment. I must say, the last part helped me to persist many times during some crisis periods as I am interested in observing my body and mind reactions to that no-PMO situation

So what I observed till now is what I would call Phase I. I have been mostly fighting physical urges that stem from my genitals, like blue balls, hard almost unbearable erection, tension, etc. It was like my genitals tried to convince me that they need (P)MO for healthy living. They do not, I can tell you now!

I can say that I am learning how to deal with these feelings. I am in a bit advantageous situation since I do not live with my wife currently. Yet, we see each other very often and I also stayed overnight few times and although I was very excited sexually I could manage. She appreciated it and said she used to feel a bit scared when I had approached her in past – not that I was ever violent to her, yet I used to push unpleasantly having only sex in my mind so that she did not often feel comfortable. Now, she said, she feels like she is gaining her comfortability back again with me. If nothing else, this is already worth the effort!

Now the things changed and I feel like I am approaching Phase II of the process. It seems that as I managed to deal with my “raw” sexual urges, the temptation moved to the mental level. My brain started to display porn-flashback pictures to me (especially when lying in bed). I am fighting strong temptations to watch P, (just give it the smallest glimpse, what's so wrong about it, is what I constantly hear in my mind…). As I resist to P, I am seeing P-subs even in the most innocent pictures and situations… Now I feel like the whole bloody internet, including being around on this forum, serves the purpose to certain extent.

And the craziest thing ever! My brain is sending signals to my hand to masturbate (just do the movements). I feel that I have to actively block these signals or my hand would start doing so whenever I am bored (like in public bus, e.g. ). I would never believe how deep this compulsive bhv is written to my brain paths!!

I hope this phase will end one day since the temptations are at least as strong as in the Phase I (if not stronger, since now the brain has to really fight itself). I only wonder what shall I expect will be the Phase III