This is my third attempt, and the first serious one. I'm only on the second day, and didn't watch porn nor masturbated, but the fantasies... Because of my HOCD, I have to constantly check if I can get hard to straight fantasy (fortunately I can) and if I can get hard to gay fantasy (unfortunately I can). Any tips? And do you have any idea of how much time it will take before gay fantasy/porn stops being arousing? Will it stop being arousing? =(
You have got to stop doing that. You will get nowhere by keep testing yourself by seeing what you get an erection to. Your entire sexual response and reward circuitry has been over stimulated and you need to stop fantasising - which is like having porn in your head. You cannot heal while you continue doing this. You do not have to do it. You can must stop it mate.
IGY speaks the truth. The goal is to stop having your mind filled with fantasies and only get horny if you are in bed with someone. If you reboot, you should experience the FLATLINE. Flatline is cool, because you don't struggle with porn, not much going on. There is not much stimulation, which is safer. Right now, I cannot get an erection by thoughts, I DON'T THINK about porn. I get my morning wood, but that's it. I don't play with it. I keep my seeds and my erections for real sex. I'm lucky to have a wife that forgave me and treat me good now.
This is proving to be hard. Specially in situations which I don't have much to think about, like taking a shower or going to bed. Also I don't have a girlfriend to see how things are going (virgin). I'm simply rebooting because HOCD took my life, it started when I noticed I can get erect to gay fantasy/porn, and I'm hoping reboot will be the solution.
I know, it becomes so difficult. Just trust the process. Tell yourself to commit for this relatively small amount of time and trust the process. Don't "check" to see if anything is working until after the full reboot of whatever amount of days you set. I know it is difficult, because I have trouble taking my own advice as well. Just keep reminding yourself about it.
My fiancée and I don't see eye to eye on this. I see it as thought police which pisses me off more than you can imagine. However, it has a purpose. You need to find a quick easy hobby that can take your mind off of things. A puzzle game or something
Listen to igy believe me he must have been to hell and back 5 times to know what he knows about all these topics.
I recommend you to read about ERP Treatment for HOCD, it kinda helped me to reduce the impact of HOCD, just stay on NoFap and you'll see its benefits, just remember, HOCD tries make you not believe in yourself or what you're doing...
Im using erp now just accepting the thoughts not checking my reactions to same sex and opposite sex and stopping my rituals short story short thats what ive been finding helpful the thoughts are there and they still bug me but im not stressing about them all day in a worrying cycle
The problem is it's not only HOCD, it's the fact that I'm finding gay thoughts arousing and this is bugging me as hell. Yesterday night I fantasized a lot and started to M, when I was starting to feel something I stopped. Does this count as edging? If it does, I will reset my counter. Can't even make it to day 3. I'm just so mentally tired of all this. Each time, it looks like the gay thoughts are MORE arousing, and sometimes they are maybe even more arousing than straight thoughts. Why do I find it so arousing? Is this really because of the porn? I always looked at girls but I think straight porn/fantasy is losing its strength with me. And it's just so difficult, not to say impossible, not to think about it, it's 24 hours a day in my head.. always there, remembering me of this problem. I'm a 16 years old, my hormones are going crazy at the moment, HOCD makes me want to test and test and test, and internet is all made of porn, I'm browsing facebook casually and then a huge cleavage or a saminaked girl pops up in the screen. I can't focus on the class very well. Today in the morning, all I was thinking was to get home and jack off, but I just can't say if I wanted to do it for straight or gay porn. I'm also so afraid that the reboot wont work, that I will still get aroused to this kind of thing. How can it feel so real?
I feel you, I've been watching straight porn for my whole life, then started watching transwoman and trans porn and getting aroused by them, then i noticed a gay porn video, when i noticed it my peins got erected more, then the HOCD hit me like hello motherfucker, so i said let's masterbaite on this and let's see if im gonna ejaculate on it to test if I'm gay or not, and i ejaculated, story of my damn life Rebooting is gonna fix this shit and i know it, people had similar problems and they fix it by rebooting, because deep down our hearts, we know our sex orientation and we know if we want to spend our lives with women or not, regardless the damaged brains and fucked up sexual tastes you know yourself. Stop asking around if this gonna fix it or not, it'll fix it... Screw porn, pornstars, producers ,supporters, and watchers..
Guess I won't reset my counter. I'm happy I got home and didn't M, because in the morning I was seriously thinking about doing so. And it begins with the HOCD testing, then I got aroused then I want to M, then the gay thoughts, then I have to check if the gay thoughts.......... it's endless. I have to keep my mind busy, which is really hard to do so while in bed or studying, because I can't focus. The only thing that has been keeping me away from it is playing videogame, which I can't do the whole day. No wonder why this is considered hard. But it's the only way out, so here I go.
I know this question is very difficult to answer for those who are suffering HOCD.. 1. Do you consider yourself a gay? 2. Are your friends calling you a gay? 3. Have you experience sex with a man? woman? 4. Are you willing to have sex with a man? woman? 5. Have you been in-love with a man? woman? I won't force you to answer.
1-Never did. But in the last weeks this has been hard to answer. 2-Nope. 3-Neither. 4-Not with a man, and I hope I will be able to make it with a woman. 5-Not with a man. Had some girl crushes. Looking into my past I can say I'm not gay. But looking at the present this is hard to tell.
First off I cant tell you its normal to fantasize. BUT, if you go up to your room with the intention to fantasize then that's bad. If your sitting in your bed and all of a sudden you get a sexy thought and start fantasizing for a little while thts natural IMO. Do we encourage you to fantasize? No. But we're realistic.
5th day: I was curious of how I was doing. Went to the bathroom with a cellphone and typed "nice ass" to see how attracted/hard I would get and then "nice boner" or smth like that. Couldn't really get up to anything but maybe I got closer to it with the "nice boner" one. I also noticed that I produced a little bit of body fluid, I'm not sure if it's cum, but I didn't really M so I don't know where this came from. And it's not the first time, I noticed that while fantasizing some weeks ago as well. I've been trying not to fantasize but when a gay thought appears, I think they have been getting stronger and more arousing by the day, even without watching any kind of porn. And those thoughts are becoming more diversified and detailed. Is this normal? Should I reset my counter already?
Your thoughts will be more stronger by doing that, stop checking porn or even yourself, try to conquer your feels and your thoughts.. The counter won't make you feel any better and it won't solve your problem, i know you don't want to start over again and i know how it feels like to start from ground zero, be honest to yourself, stay away from any triggers as you can, and about the counter, it's up to you to decide
Trying to police your thoughts is actually against the HOCD-fighting 'rules'. Not doing so is against the porn-fighting 'rules'. I don't think I should reset the counter by the way. Simply because I think I'm less likely to break it if its number is already high. When I'm in day 2 I'm like "meh, only 2 days. I'll relapse this time and next one will be serious." This is about my sanity. The HOCD thoughts are hitting me all the day and I'm telling myself "it's the porn". Also I noticed a pattern. I get a bit depressed -> lay in bed for some minutes wondering -> google HOCD stuff -> check if guys attract me -> get nervous and go for straight porn to be sure I'm straight -> jack off to be sure I'm straight. So basically my brain learned that all it has to do to get the dopamine rush is to get me depressed and get me hard to gay thoughts/porn, since if I didn't get erect I wouldn't feel the need to check if I still like straight stuff, and wouldn't eventually masturbate.
