Healed (369 days free)

Hello Everybody. I will try to shorten my story, but I am not sure it is possible. I am 23 years old, and I am battling porn from my 12th year, since I realised the dark side of it, that it has nothing with the reality. I felt a lot of times discouraged and depressed because of my fall. Once I had a long streak of 415 days, when I thought that I am finally free from it, but one day at the quarantine I just felt back. I honestly thought that I will never be healed. My brain wants it that nad, that it dribbles me out, thinking out excuses to watch porn. I had these battles for years after it, but one day God sent a person to my life. I met her, and started to talk with her every day for hours. I just realized that she is my soulmate. Everything was so natural to talk with her, like we are knowing each other for years. We talked every day so I haven't even thought about pornography, and masturbation. It was just like it is not even interesting to me, because I know that it has nothing with the reality. But after six months, I don't even remember how, but I had a relapse on masturbation. I felt awful. I just felt that I have to tell her, but I was afraid that it will ruin everything between us. Anyway I told her. She said that she understands it, but if it would be a relapse on pornography, she's not sure if she could survive it (because of me watching other women). We cried so much about it, and I just realized even more that I want to keep this precious being from a broken heart. After few months I just realized that I want to marry her, so I prepared to engage her. I bought already the ring and everything.
However, one day when I was preparing for an exam, I was stressed and tired, and my body was weak, I was searched for porn in a weak moment. I tried to leave it, but I couldn't. After that I felt every day the urge. It was like I am falling back into this cycle, but I still believed I can come out from it. It was a battle in me, should I share it with her? I know that if I am not sharing with her, our whole relationship built on honesty will start to rotten. But on the other side I just remembered the words that she said, that she wouldn't survive it if I would fall on porn again. Anyway on the day when I planned to engage her, I decided that I must tell her, I don't want no secrets in our relationship. When I told her, it was so much crying from her side, but from my side also. It was my worst night ever. It was like I drank a cup of poison on an empty stomach. When I layed to sleep, I was hoping that this whole thing was a nightmare. But it wasn't. When I woke up, I felt the same, she felt the same. I just told her that we should go for a whole day to pray, and ask God to fix this thing, because he has the power only to heal it. And we went and prayed the whole day. Cryed before the Lord, poured out our hearts, and he started to work in us. It was like the healing process was getting started. He haven't take away the whole feeling, but we felt so much easier after that. On that day God just healed me from porn addiction, he changed my heart, and it was hurting so much, but it was absolutely worth it, and I am so thankful that it happened. The next day I engaged her, she said yes. More than a year after that we are married, living together, and I just realized how God designed sexual relationship between a man and a woman. It is so natural, and it is a beautiful thing.
I tried so many things to leave pornography, some of them lasted longer, some of them shorter, but I was never free from it, but Jesus healed me from it when I asked him, and I know that it will last. If you want to know more about Jesus who healed me from my addiction, feel free to contact me, and I will gladly answer your questions
 
Hello AlternativeFalcon01,

wow, your story is so encouraging. I am very happy for you that God has given you a wife. Jesus Christ is the only one who can truly set us free from sexual sin.
Jesus Christ is the only one who can truly set us free from sexual sin. His grace is so great, even when we fall into sin. We are no longer slaves to sin, but Jesus has bought us out of slavery with his blood. Hallelujah, all glory to God in the heavens.

For my pardon, yes I see
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
For my cleansing there's my plead
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
Oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

The peace and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
Simon Schulze
 
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