Hello everyone!

welcome my friend, fighting spirit

 

Hi Mike, welcome!

We are about the same age. I have been an addict since I was 10 and in recovery since I was 38 (about 8 years ago). Nofap is a great place to get help. I hope you find what you are looking for here. If there is anything I can do to help you in your recovery, please let me know how I can be of service. I try to only give advice when asked and prefer to speak about my own experience and permit others to glean from it whatever they like.

What's worked for me:

Boundaries:
- a restricted iPhone, no install apps, no Safari, friend in the program with the code
- Blocker/tracker software on my computer (I use Covenant Eyes)
- No staying up late. I go to bed when my wife goes to bed. Or I should say, we go to bed together.

Accountability:
- Keeping a journal and counter here at nofap
- I have a sponsor from another fellowship
- I have accountability reports sent to a person I know
- I see a CBT therapist once per month (used to be once per week)

Fellowship:
- Being active in the nofap community
- I go out once a week for dinner with other friends in recovery
- texting/talking on the phone with others in recovery daily
- I attend a weekly 12-step fellowship

Service:
- I try to help others in their recovery (this is #1, it helps me stay sober the best)
- Whenever I start thinking about _me_ (self-centered, entitlement, self-pity, resentment, fear), I do an act of service around the house (the dishes, the laundry, whatever).

Honesty:
- I share my feelings with my wife
- I say what I do and do what I say
- I "tell on myself". If I start getting any "bright ideas" I talk about them with someone else in my fellowship

Self care:
- I try to get a good night of sleep (so hard for me)
- I take prescribed medication
- I _try_ to eat right. Need more work here.
- I do something affirming that I enjoy every day at least for a little while. If I find I have no time, my priorities need adjustment

Best to you in your recovery. Chat me up anytime.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

than

thanks friends for the advice given

 

So, when I first started recovery, I was overwhelmed and exhausted about the lengths people were saying I had to go through to change. It seemed daunting. Today, most of these changes seem pretty minor and are well incorporated into my daily living. It's the way I want to live now, that makes it easier. So, I don't mean to overwhelm you and you'll figure out over time what you need to do to change. Different things work for different people. I think, though, that the categories I have touched on are necessary: breaking isolation, getting accountable and honest, taking care of myself, etc.

Also, I have no opinion on masturbation as its own thing. Whether it is right for me and at what levels is a personal decision about my recovery. The questions I always ask about any behavior to try to root out the truth for me are:

- am I ashamed of the behavior
- do I want to stop or curtail but feel that I can't
- do I feel entitled to it
- does my behavior affect anyone else, does it cause others harm
- does it cause me harm
- am I trying to hide it
- do I feel like I could not live without it, would die without it (do I equate it with food/shelter in terms of a survival need)
- am I rationalizing or justifying the behavior to myself

If any or all of these are true, there's probably a problem for me.

Peace,
-Quinn