Help! How do I cure my PIED induced anxiety?

Hello there,

I would be indebted for some/any words of wisdom that could help me disentangle my thoughts that I delineate in the following. Furthermore, this post has elements of "Recovery, Reboot, Relapse, Transmutation, Abstinence, Celibacy, and Self-Improvement". So I am at a loss to really know in which Forum I should actually post this. I apologize in advance if any moderator thinks that this post belongs elsewhere, because if it does, the posting of this thread here was truly an innocent mistake, and not an attempt to be disrespectful to the rules and regulations of this thread. I have read all the instructions intently.

I am a 31 year old, male, and straight. Never had sex, never been in a relationship. I did try to have sex once a few years ago, but because of PIED could not consummate. Ever since, I have been working on myself, made some huge gains, I am into mathematics, really levelled up in the intellectual side of things, and I am fitter than ever, so yeah, being a servant of Nofap has really helped me. Also, I have over the years had several three month streaks, and many one month streaks, before succumbing.

The reason why I keep relapsing is :

1. After many weeks, sometimes months, of maintaining a long streak, an old, cold fear consumes me: "That if I don't use it, I will lose it. And there have been many research studies alluding to the same. A google search of "use it or lose it" will show you. Therefore, consumed by this fear, I have time and time again decided to do masturbate once a week after a long streak, in order to ensure that the Royal jems are well maintained. But when I start to masturbate periodically, I soon slip and am back to my old, wretched state. That state we all abhor with a black hate.

So, my questions are as follows:

1. Will I indeed lose it if I remain celibate for many years? I don't know how much time it would take me to find someone who is compatible.

2. Do I try to discipline myself and masturbate once a week after a three month, or a five month reboot, so as to maintain penile health? Can such a act be possible for an addict?

Let it be known, however, during my periods of celibacy, I am my most happiest and peaceful self, barring this old, cold fear.

3. Do you think life is worth it, if I achieve my fullest potential, am fit, healthy, but would lose my ability to maintain an erection, and hence the possibility of a meaningful and an intimate relationship with a woman.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for everything, and Godspeed!

 

@Mateus long : Thank you so much, mate! Means a lot to hear from you!

Cheers!