Hi, I'm 33 and been watching porn for almost 20 years. In the past 8 years I've watched a lot of humiliation, cuckolding and forced bi porn. I started getting fascinated with other guys tools, especially big ones due to the fact I have a small one. I got to the point where I met men on grinder and was submissive to other dominant men. Now I'm on NoFap since the beginning of June but I still crave other men tools. I consider myself straight and am married, and I don't see myself doing anything with other men except for being dominated sexually. My question is how long will I need to do nofap before my desire to serve other men, and the attraction to other men tools will go away? And if it doesn't go away does it mean that I'm bi?
I'm on day 18 of nofap, and really having a hard time not going on grinder. I just want to get dominated by a guy with a big one. Is there any chance it's due to porn or should I accept the fact I'm bisexual?
It may take 90 days or it may take more. You have to dedicate yourself to recovery. Heal your past traumas, learn to deal with your emotions better, add positive habits to your life, and do your best to be a better man. This is what you must do to recover. Addiction is about escaping pain. You have to learn to deal with your emotional pain better. Right now you shouldn't focus too much on what you sexuality is because you just need to recover more. As you do that you will get further and further away from acting out sexually, whether it's with porn or with toxic sex. You'll eventually come to a place where your brain has recovered and you have a better sense of what your sexuality truly is.
I'm really trying, but it's so hard to stay away from grinder, the thrill is so strong! I'm literally shaking from excitement when I meet with men
I understand man. This is addiction, we live for our substance of choice. What kinds of positive habits have you introduced into your life?
I'm trying to go out more, exercise,hike....me and my wife are trying to be more active. But I'm just going back to grinder to talk to men, I'm doing it right now, and even though I didn't touch myself I can feel the rush
My wife doesn't know anything! I'm ashamed to admit it to myself, let alone tell her I'm being a sub for other men. She's sub in bed, how do I even tell her something like that
Yeah that's definitely a tricky situation man, I feel for you. That's complex territory. Are you guys open or closed? And no judgement, I'm here to help out. If you feel more comfortable talking privately, feel free to PM me.
If everything you’ve said here is true, I have bad news. 18 days isn’t nearly enough to rewire. But I have worse news. The ethical thing to do is tell your wife, as gently as possible, and that might be it for the relationship. I mean, most women flip out over a porn addiction. You cheated on her multiple times, that’s a whole other line. Now, it sounds like you’re conflicted about your orientation. There’s not a doubt in my mind that porn pushed you in a direction you otherwise probably wouldn’t have gone, but there’s also no doubt most people will say you are bi or gay and that’s a beautiful thing etm. It’s up to you, what to do next, but I’d say therapy is a good start.
Well my wife knows I have a problem with porn, and we do have an open relationship. She just doesn't know I experimented with other men, and idk if I'm ready to tell her that. I am really just in the last couple of months starting to realize how big of an impact porn had on me in the past decade, and it's really hard to back that habit
Did you Enjoy this part "I got to the point where I met men on grinder and was submissive to other dominant men."?????
To answer the question of the thread title. This is all loaded my own bias, and perhaps the bias of others. What you take from it, you take. What you give, you give. My perspective is you need not concern yourself with such a question. From what I gather you are married to a woman, consumed a lot of porn and have messed around sexually with other men over the years. This is all a part of your life as you've lived it. Is what it is. Sounds like you are taking steps to move away from porn and messing around with other men. I'd say that's a good thing. Sounds like you want to be more intimate with your wife, that is a good thing. You are in recovery, just like continuing to build a relationship with your wife, it will take time. Dominance and submission. https://www.bible.com/bible/111/EPH.5.21-30.NIV Ephesians 5:21-30 NIV 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. Dominance and submission? Or mutual submission to each other? Which sounds like it would lead to greater intimacy? I believe there will be a time to tell your wife. Give yourself time to sort things out. Talking about it with other people like you are here will be a great help. I suggest checking out a program like Sexaholics Anonymous. While I'm not currently attending meetings, the program did help me see my problem was more than just pornography. There's a lot of resentment in life to let go of. Forgiveness to be given. That is, me forgiving myself and others. I wish you the best on your journey.
