Help me, I've lusted after a friend, told her about it, but feel so guilty

AntiqueRevolverGuy · Feb 2, 2017

There's this female friend I have, she has a boyfriend, I also am friends with her brother. We met on an online MMO game, we've all never met in person though.

Anyway, she and I started to talk on Skype. She is so nice and so lovely. Well, she changed her profile pic, and it's her wearing one of those black female dresses that show the legs, and she's showing off her leg a little...
I've gotten turned on by the pic a little and told her straight up that it was sexually arousing me. She's all "is that bad" and I just say, no, tell her that I think she's sexy, and that I am really tempted to check it out. She said "If you wish you can"

Well I was looking at it later, and I got a boner and well... I fapped to it. I fapped to it 4 times in a night. Later that day, I was talking to her again in the game and I started feeling so bad. I was feeling attracted to her, YES I knew she has a bf, but I still wanted to hang with her and potentially hit on her. Well she went to do her own thing and that's when I started feeling really guilty.

I told her everything, that I fapped to her picture. And she just said "I'm sure every other boy would do the same thing " "I %100 legit don't care what you did" . I also confessed how I was attracted to her, and have a crush on her, again "Well, it's hard on me and my bf but it doesn't make you a terrible person".

Near the end of the conversation, I asked if it was okay if I fapped to her photo, and she was like "okay, you just can't tell anyone about it". I asked if it was our little secret, "mhm"

I fapped to her photo some more and it's just, I feel so fucking terrible and guilty. Like, REALLY guilty about this. It does NOT feel right. The fact that I fapped and lusted after a dear friend, told her about it, and she pulled the whole "it's normal" stuff and really doesn't care in the least. I mean, just, what the fuck am I supposed to make of this? It feels even worse knowing she's okay with it, like there's something 'going on' between us but there isn't, she is just, meh.
I'm craving to talk to her again, and it's partly fueled by again, I'm really attracted to her.
Just her face alone, I was breath taken when she showed me, and I uttered that she was the most gorgeous woman on the planet even. But the fact that I sexualized her like that makes me feel so terrible and I can't live with myself. I feel like I used her. What do I do? Should I tell her boyfriend? But she told me not to tell anyone. I just, I just don't know. I'm so broken. This feels so much worse than watching porn to me, because I know this girl and actually got her permission, which just feels to wrong to me

Ol' What's-His-Face · Feb 2, 2017

So going only based on what you've written:

You feel bad because you did something you felt was wrong. You told her, hoping that her reaction would make you feel better, either by telling you it was ok or by confirming that it wasn't. Now, it's possible that she actually is ok with it. It's also possible that she's creeped out but would rather ignore it and move on than really engage with you about it. But her reaction isn't the real issue here.

What you're doing isn't wrong because you 'sexualized' her - sexual urges are totally natural. Literally all of your ancestors had sex at some point, and most of them probably enjoyed it. Sex isn't wrong. What's wrong is that you have a crush on a girl, and instead of dealing with that fact, you're trying to get her to console you, and care for you, and keep the fantasy going that you might get to be with her without ever taking a risk or facing reality.

The best thing to do would be to realize she's got a boyfriend and back off. Another, worse thing to do would be to have a conversation, see if she'd like to be with you, and if she says no, realize she's got a boyfriend and back off. The worst thing to do would be to keep doing what you're doing: letting your fear of conflict and/or rejection drag you into a no-win situation that's going to end badly for you and everyone else involved.

Look, I know what it's like to feel empty and alone, and to really believe that this one person could fix that. I know what it's like to be so afraid to make a move that even an awkward pretend-relationship seems better than the risk of losing it all. But one thing I've learned over the past decade or so is that no one else can make you a complete person, or make you strong or happy or confident. It's got to come from within. And it will - but only if you look the world in the eye, take responsibility for yourself, and decide to do better.

AntiqueRevolverGuy · Feb 2, 2017

It's just that fact that she says she is indeed okay with it, and the fact that I'm sexualizing her.
Yes, sex will be enjoyable. But this is using a womans pic for PMO. A pic of a friend, and it feels so very wrong

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Help me, I've lusted after a friend, told her about it, but feel so guilty

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