Help My Wife Rejected And Abused Me

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Confiscate, Jul 7, 2021.

  1. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

    I have struggling thoughts now for more than 1 month.

    We had a fight that was her fault until i slapped her in the face telling her i had enough and that she had to stop. Her abusive nagging behavior was getting on my nerves and i couldn't hold myself anymore. After guess what? She went to the police.

    She literally pulled the aggressivety out of me. I never hit a women in my life. But now because of her i have and it was a slap in her face. She is a traumatised women who has been hit be several of her ex partners in the past. One ex hit her several times and another ex broke her arm. They both went one night in jail for her. Well guess what it happened to me to.

    I didn't manage to save the relationship from that point. I tried several times talking with her but she went further. She sent a friend of hers that's taller and bigger than me who threatened me first. I tried again talking with her about why she send him to threaten me etc. After that she went even further going back to the police putting me up for stalking.

    It's like suddenly a magical button in her head went on and she has no feelings for me anymore. She only wants to hurt me and make me suffer.

    We had several fights in the past nothing serious but we always managed to make it up. I was planning to marry her and stay with her for the rest of my life. Now that we came so far (past 1 year). I was hoping that she would understand that what i did was not me.

    I did not want to hit her i can't understand what happened to me that day. I blame it on my sickness (i had a fever). I was not myself.

    I miss her :( i feel bad i want to be back with her but it seems impossible. I want to make it up with her so bad it's not normal anymore. I just want to give her my unconditional love make her feel that i only have love for her from now on. I'm forced by the law to leave her alone. But i can't forget her i just can't let her leave out of my life like that. We had such good moments together it's like we are made for each other. I feel totally wrecked :( I cried several times i had self murdering thoughts.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2021
    Melkhiresa likes this.
  2. I think her decision to leave was probably best for both of you. If you feel that her nagging was "abusive," then why stay with someone who's abusing you? However, no matter how much nagging someone does, it doesn't justify assaulting her. In the moment, you had a choice. You didn't want to hear her nagging anymore. Now, you could've chosen to walk away and take time to let things cool down, but you chose to slap her in the face instead. And, now you're surprised that she left?

    Even now that you've had time to reflect, you still aren't taking responsibility for what you did.You blame the argument and your actions on her. She didn't 'make' you assault her. That was your decision that you made on your own. I'm not saying she hasn't done anything wrong or that she hasn't contributed to problems in the relationship. But, regardless, you have to own your shit.

    You said yourself that she has been traumatized by physical abuse in previous relationships. How do you think it made her feel when you assaulted her? I seriously doubt that a "magical button" erased all her feelings for you. She probably does still love you, but most likely, she's deeply hurt and further traumatized. Her actions following the incident are about creating safety for herself, not about victimizing you. First, she left to get away from the threat. Then, she reported it to police which is reasonable to do as an assault victim. You continued trying to contact her even though she didn't want you to, so then she sent her friend to try to help you get the message. But, you persisted anyway which resulted in further police involvement.

    Everything she did was in response to your actions, and each one of those things was an additional step she was taking towards safety. Yet, you say that she "went further" and "went even further." No, she didn't. You did. She was responding in whatever way she felt necessary to bring her safety. You seem to have forgotten....or maybe never realized in the first place....that you added to her trauma. You showed her that you are not the safe place she believed you to be. That is not something that's easily forgotten or healed. And, the fact that you aren't taking responsibility for your actions only makes it that much worse.
  3. Oh my when i hear women talk like that it makes me wonder how they keep picking the same type of guy wow

    Do you need a big sign that says GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP UNHEALTHY ,

    You should be gratefull that never happened, it could be a great tool to now look at what went wrong so you dont repeat them with a much better women who is less drama, beleve me YOU WILL BE HAPPIER
  4. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

    Not surprised she left... Surprised she called the police after she left and wanting revenge on me like a wicked witch. I was at my place with her wanting to chill, she started a fight, insulted me, scratched me, and pushed me multiple times before i slapped her.

    The day before the fight happened she told me she was hormonal and excused herself for being so harsh on me lately. I accepted her second ass behavior and she continued her behavior the day after while i was still sick like a dog and had the fever. She litteraly took advantage of me and my state of sickness. I am not a man who is abusive, or can't control himself, or likes to hit women. This was not me i still don't understand how this happened so fast. I blame it on the medication i was on (some kind of amphetamine derivative and she was taking it too - official medication on doctor prescription).

    She send a friend that assaulted me. She should have called the police if she didn't feel safe. Instead she called a friend to make me jealous. I'm telling you this women is a pure devil, a narcistic pervert, a crazy person that i'm shamefully in love with. It's like she used femdom against me to take revenge on me and manipulate me like a puppet. Afterwards i decided to go to the police myself for her assaulting me and even sending someone she knows who threatened me.

    Yes indeed that is what she wants people to believe. Yet she is the one who is abusive and can't keep a relationship. All of her relationships end up like this even if we men are not abusive she makes us men abusive. I doubt that she loves me sincerely otherwise she would have accepted me wanting to make up with her like we did in the past after an argument even if she filed a complaint against me...

    I waited another 2 weeks before talking to her again. She opened the door and let me in. I told her i love her and i was not myself. I would never do this again to her which is the truth. She gladly heared me out and started arguing and abusing me again. She does not want to believe me and just wants to make me suffer for it. Even if she knows deep inside that i'm not that type of guy. She told me she's done with men in general and she will move to another place where i won't find her. She's saying all of this just to make me even more crazy about her. Let me put it like this: If you're not a creep, she will make you a creep! She's trained for this. She's telling all her surroundings that her ex has a small penis for instance just to hurt him. She's psycho you just don't know yet in the beginning.

    Honestly you are looking at it from her point of view like she is the greatest victim alive. I have to say that she is the one who is abusive in the first place. She is the one who's not safe to be with in the first place. She only brings trouble in your life. Hence why she's divorced and had so called "abusive exes". She told me in the beginning she was scared of men and she says this to all new men she's dating with. She is utterly manipulative and says this kind of things in the beginning. She is the hidden narcistic type of person which is abusive in a long term relation as the time goes by. First when you meet her she's charming but after a while she behaves like a covert narcist. Hence why she has problems everywhere, hates people in general, and wishes that her ex would die.

    I encourage you to analyze what she did with a grain of salt. She mostly did all of it just to get revenge and make me pay because i broke the relationship multiple times because of her pathetic ass. Now she wants to reject me and dump me so she can feel superior and continue her life with the feeling of owning me. This is only so she can rectify her own behaviour and not feel guilty for being such a moronic abusive partner. She has nothing but problems in her life: family, money, friends, work, relationships, and her own life which she's not happy with. I helped her and tried to help her become a better person but i failed because i couldn't change manipulative narcistic bi-polar ass.

    It's a pity that i spent my energy on her only to get problems back. She's just utterly stupid i could have made her happy. She could have finally lived a happy life. Yet she chose to stay negative and persisting with arguing. No matter how hard i loved her and i still do. She needs help. It was like i was living with a bi-polar person. And now i'm the one who needs help too because of her.

    She used a video caption of me and reported me for assault. I feel used, abused, and a victim to her system now. She manipulated me and set me up for this. She planned this all the way until she got me. But deep inside she is the culprit.

    She's feeling strong now because she was able to bully me while playing the victim. That's what she does in life she loves to take revenge on guys and make them feel what she's been through. That's how she feels temporary less depressed.

    And no matter how sad, pathetic, boring, or retarted this story sounds i still love this girl and wish this never happened. I still want to be with her and i don't know how i can completely shut down this feeling for her narcistic abusive ass (which i O countless times in btw/we did anal sex many times and i think that made me so addicted to her/i never did this with other women in the past).
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2021
    Man of glass and Melkhiresa like this.
  5. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    You hit her and you're still blaming a fever and her for your actions.

    If you want to try and reconcile, maybe starting with "it's my fault, not yours and not a fever, but my fault" is a good place to start.
    Lilla_My, ANewFocus and hope4healing like this.
  6. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    Didn't this thread have a different name?

    So you abused your wife and blamed her for it. Good for her for leaving you.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2021
    Lilla_My, hope4healing and ANewFocus like this.
  7. Why wouldn't you have said all that when you first told the story? You said she was nagging which is not the same.

    How did she take advantage of you? You're still refusing to be accountable for your own actions...because it was you, and whether you understand it or not or whether you ever did it before or not, you still made the decision to assault her.

    You first said she sent her friend to threaten you. Now you say he assaulted you...or threatened you...or was sent to make you jealous...? If you're the victim here, why minimize their actions against you?

    That isn't necessarily true. She can still love you and not be ok with the fact that you assaulted her and are refusing to take any responsibility for your actions. When you had arguments in the past and then made up, had you hit her during those arguments?

    Maybe she's telling you that because she means it and not to (further?) victimize you. You haven't said one thing she's done since she walked out that indicates she wants anything to do with you at all anymore. I thinks it's quite clear that you feel a lot of hostility towards her. If she's a "pure devil, a narcistic pervert, a crazy person" and "a moronic abusive partner. She has nothing but problems in her life:" Why do you want to marry someone like this, especially if everything is all her fault? If she planned this whole thing just to make your life hell, is that how to want to live the rest of your life?

    Was that part of her "plan"?
  8. CAKCy

    CAKCy Fapstronaut

    Truth is hard to take but it has to be told: You are not good for each other.
    Make sure that it's not loneliness that makes you want her back.
    Though she is not here to present her side, based on what you said, I'm afraid that you have a good part of the blame for the end of the relationship.
  9. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

    Long story short i still love her no matter what she did to me. I'm an ex femdom addict so i think that might be the issue why i can't let her go even if she's bad. In fact i wish we could still be together. I want to make up with her and stay with her. I get urges for her all the time and it's not funny anymore i feel like a wreckless ship who spoils his energy only to her. I'm done i'm beaten up by her and i'm tired of my life. :( It feels like i can't live without her anymore. I've already told her i'm sorry for what i did but she doesn't care. She suppresses her feelings towards me even if she loves me and it hurts... I want to kill myself.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2021
  10. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    She is either the luckiest girl alive to get away from you, or you are the luckiest man alive to get away from her.

    What steps will you take to earn trust and cultivate responsibility in your next relationship?
  11. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut


    To be fair i don't know. I'm feeling very depressed right now and i need professional help. I feel like posting this here is only bringing me more negativity. I'm severely abused by a person who is trained in doing this to all of her ex partners. I don't think this is the right place to post this as people don't know me personally or her either. This was not a good idea to seek for help about this personal subject on this board my bad. Thread can be closed.
  12. Mr doctor

    Mr doctor Fapstronaut

    Brother if she doesn't respect u it means it not a relationship leave her
    Find another one better than her
    Its my advice if i were u at that place
    She even went to police it means she has no respect of yours leave her other wise it will be too late
  13. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    @Confiscate : man, I've been there. I've a similar situation.

    My ex-wife was obsessive, jealous and if she didn't get her way, she would throw the biggest tantrums. Whenever I would say "ok, I've had enough" and try to leave, she would hug me with a death grip and begin hysterically screaming not to go. And when I just try to push her away, I've suddenly "hit her" and she's saying how that push away is gonna leave a physical mark.

    When we're in an argument, I would often hit the wall or take it out on something material, basically anything that would help me not hit her. But the way she chose her words and continuously repeated the same things and same questions, the effects of that mental abuse... I've grown in a great family and my mom (RIP) and dad were the perfect couple. I've always thought and wanted that I would be able to emulate their relationship. The thought of someone physically abusing his gal makes me sick to my stomach, so when I get told I did that? What in the flying fuck...

    I've thought that we need a group for abused males in a relationship, cause this isn't called often enough and it's so overlooked. Some of us go through too much of crazy and talking about it to my therapist helped me massively realize just how many red flags I managed to collect in that relationship. Often people here get instantly called out for hitting their partners...I just like to hear their whole story before saying "you're a scum for doing that". Cause in your case, I don't think you are.

    However, few people on here already mentioned that you're not good for each other - that much is true and I can't stress it enough.
    I know feeling lonely is not the best feeling, but I hope you just power through it and leave her behind.
    Start going on random dates just to get your mind off her, look for something new to do. Her breaking off the relationship is probably one of the best things to happen to you.
    Melkhiresa, Rene75, ANewFocus and 2 others like this.
  14. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    You need to see a therapist very soon. One that you are not attracted to.
    Melkhiresa and EyesWideOpen like this.
  15. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    Yeah, way to trigger my "sex with my therapist" dreams! :D
    Melkhiresa and CAKCy like this.
  16. lol good one
    Rents77 and CAKCy like this.
  17. Andreas77

    Andreas77 Fapstronaut

    She was cheating on you, or was at the very least thinking about it; but 99 out of 100 is that she was cheating on you. That's the only way that sort of thing happens.
  18. Was the relationship always like this, or at least like this most of the time? If so, I say you should forget about her and move on. My uncle fell in love with a very manipulative and abusive woman and she ended up destroying him - she took all the money (they were quite rich) and the kids and he's now homeless and alone while she went back to university and is now a psychiatrist making bank. I should also mentioned she cheated on him multiple times and one of their kids isn't even his (idk why he stayed with her after that).
  19. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

    Just forget about her. Move on. Never talk to her again. It’s simple. Who cares if you are alone for a while. If possible, even change your phone number and move to a new city. Start completely over.
    Vanquisher12 likes this.

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