Help

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by francisable, May 2, 2016.

  1. francisable

    francisable Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I want to recover from this addiction. I've been addicted since I was 14, over 20 years. I am married, my wife doesn't know. I hate my self, I love her so much. I don't want my child to end up like me. i am desperate to fix this, desperate.

    Self loathing, regret, fear--all of it. I'm so tired of it all.

    Looking for accountability partners.

    Many thanks,
     
  2. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Hi there & welcome to NoFap.

    Wanting to change & kick the PMO habit is a great start. Do you have a plan for achieving your goal? Post your thoughts here, so we can also give you some suggestions.

    Thanks,

    T22.
     
    francisable likes this.
  3. francisable

    francisable Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, I really appreciate it. I've been trying to kick this habit for a while. I know that honesty is the major start of this healing. I'm starting here. For me I intend to find some accountability partners first and secondly avoid P. I will also try and avoid situations where I am alone and the temptation takes over. It's always when I am alone, like in bed early, travelling for work, day off that it hits me. I had a relapse this weekend, I am just disgusted with my self. It's like there are two sides of me, the everyday and this other addicted side.

    Thank you for all your help ;) in 20 years this is the first time I've ever acknowledged this to anyone but my self.
     
  4. jfromcr

    jfromcr Fapstronaut

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    Hi francisable,

    I know how you feel. I have been in and out of the addiction cycle since I was 5. The first thing that I recommend is that you develop a strategy for your day. Each night take five minutes to plan what the next day will look like. First thing in the morning, do the same thing, don't get on your phone or laptop. Visualize what a good day will look like, rehearse both the day and a response to temptation, take control of your self-talk (the voice in your head), and breathe and relax.

    When you talk to your wife be aware that this will create trauma for her. Many women say it feels as if they have been cheated on. That trauma will take time to heal. There will be several things you can do to make it better. If you have children, you can get a blocker for your home network (OpenDNS) that will be a benefit to you as well.

    Connect with me or my wife (lfromcr) on what your next steps might be.
     
    RiseWithHope and francisable like this.
  5. Time to change your life, mate. Adopt the mindset that "porn is not an option". Come to love that mindset for the power it gives you.

    White knuckling, avoidance, is not the way. Success requires a change of head.

    I wish you well.
     
    francisable likes this.
  6. francisable

    francisable Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for the advice, I was really worried about posting here, you've all been so kind
     
  7. SoulOf1Lion

    SoulOf1Lion Fapstronaut

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    Here we're all the same, same story different circumstances ;)
     
    francisable likes this.
  8. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Hey francisable.

    Here are a few things for you to read, to get the power that comes with knowledge:

    Overview of why we PMO: http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do

    Warrior mindset: http://yourbrainonporn.com/im-going-reveal-you-1-secret-overcome-pornography-addiction

    Have you done the 3-circle exercise from SAA yet? If not, check it out & do it.

    Remember, we PMO for a reason - to get a dopamine hit, in order to mask out or escape from emotions such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, lack of confidence etc.

    We have to understand the WHY of our our addiction.

    Without that, recovery & freedom from PMO is almost impossible.

    One we understand the WHY & have a plan around HOW, we need the will to say, "No, PMO is NOT an option any longer!"

    Strength & clarity!

    T22.
     
  9. francisable

    francisable Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @traveller22 !

    36 hours in-- I feel like this is gonna be tough tough tough -- holding out so far and working on not breing in trigger situations
     
    traveller22 likes this.
  10. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    It gets easier. Check in here often, make a list or risky/trigger situations, things & activities for you & AVOID THEM LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

    Read as much as you can about porn addiction - the more you KNOW, the more POWER you will have over this monkey.

    We're learning to master our thoughts & urges. Warriorhood starts with this.

    Strength & "I Will!" POWER!

    T22.
     
    francisable likes this.
  11. francisable

    francisable Fapstronaut

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  12. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, warriors who are waking up from & breaking out of their mental slavery.

    Fierce!

    T22.
     
  13. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I am just the same as you sir. My wife does not know either. My kids are young.

    When I was a young teenager, I was lonely, I thought I could never find a girlfriend and I thought it was alright to masturbate with porn. I might learn something about sex and if I get a girlfriend I will simply stop with the porn and masturbation.

    Problem is the porn and masturbation became a habit and even after marriage and great sex I could not kick the habit. Porn also taught me nothing about sexual intimacy. My wife does not know, although she has come close to discovering. However, if I keep this up, she will find out.

    You may get contradictory advice, but I say, do not tell your wife. I do not understand the logic in telling her about your habit if you have not been found out. The reaction will always be negative and will cause a horrible strain on your marriage, if it does not lead to divorce.

    If you can kick the habit (like I am trying to), you can relegate porn to something you used to do, that you were not proud of. You and your spouse will end up happier together. You because you kicked a terrible habit. She because you are more confident, can perform better, you are a role-model for your child and so forth.

    I do not believe that silence equates to dishonesty. Why does you wife need to know about all of your past vices? Become a better person and it will all work out for you and your family.
     
    francisable likes this.
  14. francisable

    francisable Fapstronaut

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    @Veritech thanks for the note ;) I hope to kick this like you. Our stories are almost identical. One day I think I will tell her but now isn't the time, we're pregnant with our first and I really don't want to strain her or the baby.

    I want to beat this and move on and one day when the time comes I can share it. I feel like this it burden to carry at the moment.

    How is your recovery going?

    I'm almost through day 2-- it seems so insignificant but I know in time it will add up.

    Cheers ;)
     

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