Here I come again - Day One!

I am an old member of NoFap community though I cannot claim any glory. Many times I aimed for Moon but fell short and begin to torture myself by provoking my base drive of sex with Porn. This, as expected, ate away my intellectual faculties, ruined my capacity to focus and inflicted upon me a whole set of mental complexities.

As stupid and idiot as I am but by grace of God, a very good educational opportunity came to my way. It requires me to study long hours distraction free, and I am determined to give it what it takes. So I am kicking porn out of my life and hope to function as a normal human being mentally, physically and spiritually; again. Wish me luck!

 

It's the fourth day going, it takes great effort to ward off sexual thoughts which emerge every now and then automatically.

One needs to be very vigilant to not entertain these thoughts, as with time, they trigger one's actions in that direction. Impure thoughts prepare ground for impure actions.

 

Thanks for the kind words.

 

Fourth day is completed, today the 5th is running. It feels like my body – in its own right – for now, is relatively quiet in regards to sexual wants. It's the mind which initiate the game.

I find my mind is very indesciplined. It likes to entertain sexual thoughts. Of course, it's my fault that I've given this mind-dog a lot of filthy porn-bone to chew on. It is doing what it is supposed to do – gnawing its teeth on available material. I've filled my mind with sexual idea and it's all there is for the mind-dog.

I guess I must clean my mind and fill it with good, noble and productive ideas for my mind to munch on them. So from now on I'll read rebooting material regularly.

 

This is the second log of today. Today I am entertaining more sexual thoughts than the previous day. However, as soon as I'm alerted, I force stop this process immediately.

It looks somewhat dangerous!

 

Day 6

The mind is very tricky, instead of sexual thoughts, it's now presenting "romantic" fantasies. As a matter of fact being romantic isn't bad, sometimes it's even desirable. But I know, I'm not in a position to savour these feelings. I simply can't afford them for it can lead to something much uglier where there'll be only regret and frustration.

So I should cut it out and guard myself anything even remotely related to sex.

 

Day 7.

6 days of abstinence caused in me a little build up of energy. It's really annoying and driving me crazy. Yesterday I even searched for various porn performers, luckily I just read some of their biography and personal life on Wikipedia. I know it's like playing with fire, anything can trigger me even from Wikipedia! Although this endeavour wasn't exactly useless. I came to know about the porn industry is rife with drugs, abuse and exploitation. And society is perhaps willfully blind and insensitive towards the darkness of this industry.

Anyway, back to my predicament. The question is, am I a man enough to take this build up of energy, or am I going to dissipate it and undo my effort of six days? It's a hard choice. :'(

 

Relapsed.

I started a new journal here.

 

I also thought the same! Thanks for reminding me.