Hi, can you help me please....

Welcome, I wish Instarted at your age

 

Take each day at a time. Set some realistic but stretching goals and don't beat yourself up over set backs too much - just learn from them.
I don't know if you use porn, but at your age, I would make avoiding/cutting this out your first priority. It will help control the M
Good luck!

 

Rea, firstly congrats on acknowledging the problem and reaching to help. that's first step. there is probably nothing better you could have done for yourself then coming to this site ( I just found it yesterday and am dealing with same problem but much older than you)

Everything that is happening to you with porn addiction is caused by chemical reactions in your brain. nothing else. Once you understand those, dealing with the cravings / urges becomes much easier. I'll give you the cliff notes, but suggest you do some of your own research.

1) These cravings/urges are not bad
2) You are NOT a bad person for having them.
3) Cravings / urges for porn are false messages being sent from your brain which unfortunately of been cross-wired due excessive porn, These are chemical messages centered around dopamine and dopamine receptors in your brain. Good news is just as easily as they have been cross-wired , they can be changed back to being wired correctly. the brain is extraordinarily malleable.

Get your head around all that, and the next steps are much easier. If you don't internalize all of the above then you are flying blind.

Not trying to scare you, but because of your age, and the rapid development of your brain at this time in your life, it is critical you get a handle on this now. The improvements in your live that are ahead by getting off porn are going to be extraordinary.

 

Rea

holy chit. I just typed up response (which had links to a few 5 minute videos that are part of the education process) and tried to post. Evidently you have to be registered for two days before you can post links. I just registered today after stumbling across this site.

these are from various sources I have found over the past week, but I think they are the best. I kept away from the ones that lure you into paying them. All this science is well understood and avail for all to see for free.

Thats ok we can still get started, and now that I think about it this might be better. late tomorrow I should be able post the the links and the way I used them over the past four days.

So just trust me and do this for now. I'll explain the reason for this later, but for now download the headspace meditation app. (just get the free version, you dont need the paid one) It is once a day 10 minute intro to meditation. Throughout tomorrow, go ahead and do the first three 10 minute exercises. What you learn here will be useful when we get to the important stuff . Meditation is only a small part of this and not required but I beleive it will make things easier for you if you understand basic mediation skills.

Also go to wikipedia page on Dopamine and read the first two paragraphs. Dopamine and neural connections/transmitters in your brain are at the core of what is going on with you. Nothing else. The porn industry is built on Dopamine and the well understood science behind it. They use this to make porn one of the most addictive things on the planet.

Please know this.

1) You will absolutely get through this and you will break your addiction to porn. The benefits of this will dramatically improve your life

2) Your cravings and urges for porn are not bad, they CERTAINLY dont make you bad. they are nothing more than a simple chemical reaction (wiring) in your brain. This wiring got crossed from repeated POM. You are going to uncross them and put them back to where they were.

for now do the few things above. Ill post tommorrow when I can include links. I;d just tell you what to google but so much stuff comes up in this area. I couldn't describe which link to hit. plus I respect the rules here and dont want to try to circumvent them,

I spent the past week sorting through all the info online to get me off porn and got the ones I thought made the most sense for me. I'm pretty sure they will work for anyone.

 

hey man... i also wish i started (stopped) at your age... feel free to reach out for any support. one day at a time you have your whole life ahead of you

 

Hey, man! You already acknowledged that you have an addiction, and that's the first and the most important step when you fighting it.
As for now, you joined supportive community. Consider it to be your second step.
Try to change your routine. Any addiction is a replacement for something you miss in your daily life. It could be social interaction, s*xual urges, your wish to be worthy and many other things.

Yeah, I won't add anything innovative saying that I wish I stopped at your age as well, but yes, I do though, and you're doing great!

 

Rea

One question I forgot to ask,

Have you had a steady girlfriend in the past? Do you have one now?

If not, is there a girl at school that you are attracted to? I AM NOT talking about the hottest girl in school that everyone wants to bang.

I AM NOT talking about a girl that you see her and just see her big boobs and tight ass, and picture her in a porn video.

I am talking about a girl with a pretty smile, seems like a nice person, happy and fun to be around. Seems to be interested in the same things you are (either in school or out of school) This is sort of attraction I am talking about

Be thinking about who this might be (and it certainly could be more than one girl prob better if it is several girls) We'll need to know this in a few days. (dont worry, I am not going to suggest you go up to her/them out or anything like that, as a matter of fact you are not going to approach her at all for quite some time, and if you do things right on this new path you are on, she might be the one that approaches you, true story )

- You are not bad
- Your urges are not bad, they are just bio-chemical storms in your head. False messages to you from Limbic part of your brain.
- Understand the bio-chemistry and you understand the problem
- Understand the problem and you are on the path to solving it.

 

oh one final note.

The stuff I am suggesting to you in no way replaces the resources and methods on nofapp. it just adds on to it and should make other stuff suggested here easier for you to do. Whoever started this site should get a medal of honor and nobel peace prize in science or something like that . porn addiction is a major problem in society that lies there undetected.

The problem of porn addiction widespread, worldwide and brushed under the rug because of stigma attached to it

I saw a Ted talk where the scientist talked about the fact that when first started studying porn addiction years back , they didnt get very far
BECAUSE THEY COULD NOT FIND CONTROL GROUP OF MEN (for the experiments( THAT DID NOT WATCH PORN. that is an amazing statement from a scientist

 

Here is the right Ted talk. This was on the agenda for about day 2 or 3. Looking at it now before learning the other stuff is sort of going to chapter 4 of new text book to get started but you sound like a smart dude so have it

Its great no matter when you see it.

Lemme know when you have headspace and I'll connect the rest of the dots for you with other material and suggestions.

Good about the lady. if you get bored with this other stuff google
how to romance/attract a young lady.

I DID NOT SAY

google how to get a young lady to bang you.

the former helps with your recovery, the latter is horrible for it.

 

two things

1) vast majority think they know how to romance a woman. Vast majority dont. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW TO GET IN HER PANTS

You think you know what the problem is and you have learned from experience. reconsider this. YOU DON'T. We'll get back to this topic later forget about it for now. just rem once you get brain rewired you'll have a much better shot with her.



2) Get over the social awkward trap you are putting yourself in. As long as its not aggressive or creepy some woman are attracted to that.

Back to the important stuff.... two more videos. watch this one only once.



watch this one in the morning and two other times each day starting NOW until you have the 4 min video basically memorized. after first time watching it every time you have an urge /craving think about nothing other than this video. If you cant recall the part of the video that helps you manage the urge at that moment, then you need to watch the video some more.

when you manage the urges and cravings you manage the problem.

 

you are welcome. teaching it helps me understand it better for myself. so you are helping me as much as I might be helping you

that second video (one that looks like cartoon) is so important.

You should watch it many times each day, and think carefully about that video when the urges start.

Also, at this stage is where basic meditation can help. The tools you need to get your mind to think about what you want is the basic core of meditation. if you have not already, you should download the Headspace app to learn what meditation is. just get the free one. you dont need the paid one for this.

 

you are NOT listening to me (unless you want to take cold showers for the rest of your life )

Did you look at the videos? Plz tell me what you learned from them.

Also, it would be helpful to know your nationality as all cultures are different. I want to do my best to to put this in the right perspective for you.