Holistic healing journal

I have my first appointment with a holistic healing practitioner on Friday morning. This will be an ongoing journal documenting the progress of this treatment, which will likely include acupuncture and herbalism.

The reason I've decided to pursue this avenue is because I believe I've reached the end of what I'm personally capable of doing to finish healing from the flatline. I already live a clean and healthy lifestyle so the answer does not lie with diet, exercise, sleep, etc. My belief is that my ongoing flatline is due to adrenal fatigue and if left untreated I'll likely get better slowly over time so long as I continue my disciplined lifestyle. I would rather be proactive in my healing than wait on the sidelines.

I am not interested in enriching the pharmaceutical industry by taking antidepressants or boner pills which would merely manage my symptoms, not address the root cause, and make me dependent on narcotics. My goal is to use alternative healing methods to give the body a gentle nudge into healing itself quicker than it normally would.

To make a long story short: I've implemented a healthy lifestyle for myself over the past five and a half years and believe this treatment will get me across the finish line quicker.

This will be my first acupuncture treatment ever, I'm quite excited to see how it goes!

 

This guy practices a lot of modalities, TCM and acupuncture among them. For sure I plan on being honest about my history otherwise I'd be wasting my time and money.

At this point I don't believe my problems are related to masturbation itself but rather the cumulative effect of four decades of trauma, addiction, and substance abuse. Masturbation addiction is part of that but not the whole.

When it comes to recovery and flatline it seems there are two camps. Some people report feeling improvement within a relatively short timeframe (this is where the 90 day challenge comes from). Then there are some people, as evidenced in the PAWS thread, that reboot for years with either no improvement or touch and go progress. I think people in the first camp are just suffering from PMO addiction and a short period of abstinence is generally enough to fix the problem. People in the second camp, like myself, are dealing with something much deeper.

I plan on telling the practitioner that I suffered from childhood abuse, prone masturbation addiction starting from a young age, toxic relationships, and severe alcoholism culminating in my spontaneous spiritual awakening as I approached middle age, quitting drinking cold turkey and then nearly dying while experiencing an absolutely horrendous withdrawal. In the 5+ years since, I've cleaned my life up quite nicely but it's apparent the damage runs deeper than I had suspected. Then I'm sure he will take my pulse, look at my tongue, and give me his opinion for a treatment plan.

 

Last Friday I had my initial two hour session with the practitioner. He asked about my history and lifestyle, took my pulse, and looked at my tongue. Based on his assessment he said the kidneys were deficient which lines up with adrenal fatigue. Then I had my first ever acupuncture session which lasted about 20 minutes or so. The needle insertion points were in the area of my wrists and ankles.

Surprisingly enough I ended up having an out of body experience during the acupuncture. For the first few minutes after the needles were inserted I was relaxed and felt a cool sensation in my legs (I was laying on my back). Then while laying there with my eyes closed and meditating my body started to disappear. I've only been able to achieve that feeling a few times while deep in meditation and it didn't last long. During acupuncture it happened spontaneously without any effort.

The practitioner prescribed some Chinese herbs in capsule form but he didn't have the particular ones he wanted to give me in his office. He ordered them to be delivered to my home and they arrived last night. It is a tonic that is meant to strengthen the overall constitution of the body.

Many articles I've read about TCM state that it usually takes at least a month to feel the effects and the practitioner had also mentioned this. Since they have arrived I have taken two doses and will take another with dinner in a little bit. The only discernible difference thus far is I didn't have my normal afternoon slump although I did have a dull headache in its place.

I will take these herbs as prescribed and go in for acupuncture every two weeks. In the meantime I'll update this journal as necessary to document any pros/cons as the treatment progresses.

 

The practitioner had mentioned that kidney deficiency (I forget if it was yin or yang) was the primary concern with the heart (again I forget if it was yin or yang) was secondary. He said my liver was in excellent condition which is amazing considering the amount of alcohol that's gone through it in my past life. Unfortunately I'm still a novice with this stuff so I don't really know what it means, I'm more concerned with the efficacy of the treatment.

I was upfront about my sex and masturbation addiction from the past and the practitioner was glad to hear that I've cut out the masturbation. However I don't even think masturbation is the biggest cause of my current issues. Upon reflecting over the last several years of my life I honestly believe that quitting alcohol cold turkey is what did the most damage to me. It sounds crazy but that is what I believe to be true.

For a long time I practiced bad habits but at least the body was maintaining some sort of homeostatis, dysfunctional as it was. Quitting cold turkey swung the pendulum in the opposite way too quickly and it messed up my physiology big time. The good news is that alcohol withdrawal was so traumatic and horrendous that I have ZERO desire to ever touch that fucking poison again. The bad news is that my body has not completely reset itself even after 5+ years. As long as I don't have any desire to drink I am not complaining.

It's only been two days since I've gotten the herbs and I will say that I'm already feeling some positive effects. I'm trying to be as neutral as possible with my observations to avoid placebo/nocebo effects but especially after this morning it is undeniable. I slept like a baby last night, woke up energized and fresh, and I feel noticeably calmer. I'm calm but incredibly lucid. Thankfully I've never taken antidepressants but the people on meds I've interacted with always seem zombielike. For the second day in a row I didn't have an afternoon slump but I did have a dull headache in its place which cleared up. Baby steps.

The claim is that adaptogens work slowly over time and it is not supposed to be a quick fix. So I'll continue my treatment and keep monitoring the situation.

One final note, my facial hair recently started growing much quicker than it has in the past. I shave with a manual razor (hate electric) against the grain so my face is smooth as a baby's bottom. In the past I could get away with shaving every three days using this technique. Recently this duration shortened to two days. Yesterday I shaved with a manual against the grain and this morning I already had a 5 o'clock shadow. What this means and why this is happening, I have no clue.

 

Slept like a baby last night and woke up at 4:30 on the nose. It was the perfect time to do some meditation before starting my day.

My head is absolutely clear and I'm energized. I am cautiously optimistic for what the next couple of months will bring.

 

I can definitively say two things have improved considerably in a short time: no more fatigue and my baseline personality has become much more calm. This is without question. I have been up for 14 hours straight, just got home from a long, cool summer evening walk and still have loads of energy.

At a couple of points during the day when I would ordinarily be tired or taking a nap I instead had a dull headache. I don't want to get my hopes up or rush things but it would be nice if the headache was the next symptom to disappear.

It remains to be seen if this treatment fixes my libido but no matter how it happens I believe the libido will be the last thing to come back. Thinking about it logically, if my body is stuck in fight/flight/freeze mode due to prolonged stress then the body regroups and stops nonessential functions, libido being one of them. It remains to be seen how the body keeps responding in the coming weeks as it continues to return to a state of equilibrium.

If this treatment does not help get me get my libido back to normal? Well I'm still better off than when I started and can continue to look for other alternative remedies.

I shaved this morning and I already have a 5 o'clock shadow. What the fuck is going on here?

I don't watch too much television but I have to admit that new miniseries "Resort" on Peacock has captivated me. Off to watch the new episode and get some quality sleep!

 

I feel amazing today. In fact I feel a noticeable difference in my overall mood and constitution today than any other day thus far.

About five minutes ago I just finished meditating after my workout. I was like a statue, completely still and relaxed, with internal chatter kept to a minimum. My mind is so clear right now.

The herbs are slowly rejuvenating me. I am hopeful and optimistic.

 

I'm glad I decided to start this journal as there has been more progress today. It's clear to me now that these herbs are having an effect on my hormones.

1) As mentioned a few times my facial hair is growing crazy fast now

2) This morning while driving to the gym I started feeling horny out of nowhere. After parking my car I needed to give myself a few moments to cool off so I didn't walk inside with a hard-on.

3) I effortlessly broke through a stubborn plateau while doing chest exercises

4) This is going to sound strange but my dick smells more potent. Now every time I pull my dick out to take a piss I get a huge whiff. Now I'm wondering if girls can smell my potent dick through my pants in public and the idea is making me horny.

5) In the shower I gave myself a few tugs to see the response and my dick was sensitive. I got too horny and ended up busting a nut.

I've been doing a lot of research on adaptogens and the consensus has been that they need to be taken consistently over a prolonged period of time to get the full effect. There are varying opinions but the minimum recommended time I've seen is two months. I have not yet finished my first week yet and things are already promising.

So far there has been zero afternoon fatigue or naps once I've started this treatment.

I can't believe I've seemingly FINALLY found the answer to beat this fucking thing.

 

Another symptom I've had over the years has been stubborn and persistent back acne. This morning my back is as smooth as a baby's bottom. I don't want to get my hopes up because I've had a lot of false starts before but let's see if it stays that way.

Right now I feel energized, clear headed, and to be honest I'm kind of horny.

After I take my herbs at lunch it will be one week since I have started this treatment. It has exceeded every expectation I've had by a wide margin.

 

I feel like such a fool. I've been reading nofap forums for years now and saw many threads about things like ashwagandha, maca root, shilajit, horny goat weed, ginseng, etc. My assumption was that these were herbal aphrodisiacs for people who didn't want potential side effects from dick pills. The reason I never tried them is because I thought it was intended to be a quick fix for low libido without addressing the root cause of low libido.

I had never heard of adaptogens before and only discovered their properties while doing research for my first acupuncture appointment. Based on everything I've read and experienced these herbs really are a miracle tonic (I refuse to use the word drug) with really only one caveat: you have to be patient. Simple but not easy.

Part of me is a little bit irritated because I spent years living a disciplined lifestyle hoping to get better when I could have started this treatment years ago. But then part of me is grateful because that disciplined lifestyle has built a strong foundation for healing to finally occur. Everything happened as it was supposed to.

 

I did 20 months straight of semen retention beginning in November 2019. After 20 months I started having spontaneous emissions. Since then I've had sex a few times and also did some mindful masturbation a handful of times.

I don't watch porn at all anymore and I've never had a wet dream.

 

Yesterday was the first day with a setback after starting this therapy. After lunch I was feeling very fatigued and had the mother of all headaches. The best way to describe it would be a tight knot of pain located right in the center of my brain. As the day progressed into evening it felt like the knot had untangled into a long rope of pain throughout my head.

I went to bed early and this morning felt much better. As usual it looks like healing will not be a linear process. My second acupuncture appointment is this Friday.

 

So far the only thing I've taken is an herbal tonic in capsule form which was prescribed by the practitioner. It's a mix of a bunch of different plants.

Have you googled adaptogens? If not then you really should. My preconceived notions got obliterated once I educated myself.