How I Self Improve:

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by doctor_warren, Aug 4, 2015.

  1. doctor_warren

    doctor_warren Fapstronaut

    I've been wanting to sum up how I've gradually over the past year improved my life, there are two parts to it; the first is short and superficial, the second is longer and more substantial, everything is just my humble opinion.

    Short and superficial

    I've been pretty shocked with how much one can change his appearance to become more attractive by simply working out, getting a different haircut and getting a new clothing style. I hate to use scales sometimes, cause they can make people really fixate their value onto a scale and throw developing their character out the window, but imho, simply working out, getting a different and more fitting haircut and getting a change of clothes could easily make a 5 an 8, or a 6 a 9, or something. Working out chisels out your jawline, nose, cheeks, etc in case anyone didn't know.

    One could also build one's social status and network by accomplishing things, going to social events and being "cool", one could also simply just attempt to be a "yesman" and accept every social invitation one receives and expand from there. Another thing that someone could improve would be financial status, one could get a job, start a career or something and begin building wealth.

    Now, while I think this stuff is pretty crucial to ones improvement, I believe this second part of the improvement journey is way more important:

    Long and substantial

    There are a couple of things I've learned over the past few months that have made my life much much more different. I went from a self loathing, always feeling lonely, always feeling inadequate, insecurity-filled type guy, to a much more healthy and almost unlike how I was before

    1) Learning to accept you are not perfect:

    One of the biggest problems imo about basing your value as a human onto a scale is that typically this scale judges you on your looks, money and social status. Which are all superficial and can disappear and fluctuate all the time. If you suddenly can't go to the gym and lose your body and get a chubby face or something, you're confidence drops to the floor, and you're f-ed. Same concept about money and social status, you can lose it, and basically, you feel worthless.

    I think people should learn to draw confidence from other things, I like to draw it from my ability to be a good human being, and my ability to work through any difficulty I am faced in life. Are you the type of person who jacks off to grandma with toes up her ass porn? Are you the type that hits girls if they upset you? Do you bring kindness, forgiving, tolerance, support, growth and love to the world? Do you give up at the first sight of challenge, or are you a beast that pushes through any plateaus and challenges? Those are things to be proud of, at least to me.

    2) Have beautiful experiences

    I think most of the advice under here is going to be advice regarding the opposite sex, but one important thing people should be doing is having beautiful experiences. Stop plugging in and indulging in porn and jacking off, stop living in social media and start living the life that's out there. Go learn a language, save up to travel to a new country, go hiking alone, see the stars with a loved one, go to the beach with friends, follow your intuition, let it guide you and lead you to new experiences (To people who don't believe in following a "intuition" or the "universe", you can just try doing things that you would not normally do, like a supposed intuition would suggest you do, and they bring you to different situations that you don't normally encounter). Life is beautiful, it's a shame if one doesn't get to see it.

    Try hanging with different people, for one month hang with beggars, another hang with muslims, another hang with blacks, and another whites, or asians, or conservative christians or progressive christians and try to see life from other perspectives, do it, and you'll have a wider perspective of life. (Try listening to different kinds of music as well)

    3) Go into dates with fun and exploration solely as the goal:

    Too many guys, imo go into dates setting up these goals, like getting laid, or getting a kiss at the girl's doorstep or something, and that sets them up to perform differently to get this goal, it's disingenuine/dishonest, and girls can see right through it, and it gives you anxiety sometimes. Your goal should be to have fun and explore, after all, you are checking if this is your most suitable partner, what a better way to do it than to have fun and explore. AND anyway, by having fun and exploring, you are more attractive and all the fireworks that need to happen, happen

    No longer do I stutter and ask cookie cutter questions like "how is your day going", "how is life?", "what class do you have next", it's all insincere and clearly aimed towards a selfish end. Nowadays, I just ask what i'm really interested about, or talk about what she's really interested in and have lots of fun. I've dated more girls in the past 6 months than I have in the past 3 years (then again, i'm older now lol)

    4) Be congruent, and broadcast your desires:

    Get out of your head, don't try to say the "right" things, stop putting on masks at church, with your parents, with your friends, with girls. Guys tend to act differently with girls, and it's because girls can offer them something they want, sex. Girl's don't want some yesman, clay doh, ken doll who'll modify all their behavior for them, they want a man of substance, who has beliefs and passions (Sometimes this is why I assume why those "nice" guys who do everything to impress girls don't get any girls, it's because their only passion is to impress and lure girls, and that what "nice" guys perceive to be "bad" boys get all the girls because they don't, they have passions and beliefs, whether it's riding cool motorcycles, playing guitar or playing chess, go get yo'self a passion mang)

    Broadcast your desires: Tell your environment what you want, if you want sex, start telling people you want sex, if you want a bicycle or some better academic grades or a better body, start telling people. People might bring you down, but we'll get to that in another tip.

    One thing i've noticed virgins, such as myself, do, is try to hide the fact they are virgins, don't. It's not honest, and girls can see through it often. Just admit you are a virgin, it might be funny, and maybe even grounds for immature discrimination by some fools, but it shouldn't matter.

    Being congruent attracts people just like yourself towards you. People will take notice.

    I used to pretend to be a soccer playing cool/tough guy or something who wasn't a virgin and played along with society. But then I decided to be congruent and just admitted my passions for the world, the people around me, religion, history, geopolitical affairs, learning Arabic, bodybuilding and admitted all my flaws as well, and I made way more friends. People could just sense my genuine vibe.

    5) Achieve your goals:

    First of all, don't let people bring you down, you can literally do anything if you put enough effort and time into it, even to the point of putting all your time and effort as if your life depends on it. I've done this numerous times, and each time was full of self doubt, but regardless, I pushed through, and i've managed to gain functional Arabic, push my D-C grades to B-A grades, got a much better body and many more things. So never give up, keep pushing, you'll make it no matter what, and even if you don't, the person you become and the things you will achieve will blow everyone away, including yourself if you choose to see it.

    There's a system I use for progress. It's called the mind-heart-power system. If you seem to be stuck and you aren't progressing. You can try to figure out where you are lacking:

    Is it your heart? Do you lack a love for what you are doing, do you lack a sense of love between you and your environment?

    Is it your mind? Do you know enough about the subject? Do you know the best methods and strategies to achieve your goal?

    Is it your power? Do you lack discipline? Will power?

    Usually improving what you lack boosts everything else up.

    Well, that's it for my self improvement post, I don't think I've covered everything, from this point on I will add more things as I think about it, and I'll post a new comment everytime I update it and describe where the update is to keep this organized. Thanks for reading, live and prosper!
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
    SheMonk, oooo, MrPrince and 7 others like this.
  2. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Fapstronaut

    Bonjour @doctor_warren

    I like this post so much that I came and read it twice! It would be great if you could update this post again because I'm excited to see what you would write about next. Your post motivated me to do better with myself. Thank you!

    Au revoir,
  3. doctor_warren

    doctor_warren Fapstronaut

    Thanks man, I usually think of these things all the time, but I only post what is fully refined and everyone can usually understand and use ^^
  4. Iwillnotjerk

    Iwillnotjerk Fapstronaut

    I really did not knew that working out develops a jiseled jaw. Could you please send me more links/posts on this.
  5. SupBruh

    SupBruh Fapstronaut


    In all seriousness, it's common sense really - you drop your bodyfat %, the fat around your face is removed.


    I agree wholeheartedly with improving your looks. Above all else it helps you with confidence.
  6. Iwillnotjerk

    Iwillnotjerk Fapstronaut

    Typo : Chiseled * :p
    Your pic looks inspiring .. thanks bro
  7. oooo

    oooo Fapstronaut

    Really like your post men!
    Thanks for the content.

    Any advice, for a better social live?
    I have a few friends which i do not see very often, i don't feel like socializing most of the time. I think this is because i am used to being alone a lot. However i know it it is not good to be in my little comfort zone the whole time.
    I do not have many friends because i stopped trusting people, since, i was bullied a lot when i was in high school, only because i was sick and therefore not so tall as everyone else.
    They thought it was fun to kick and punch me everyday which lowered my self esteem, but i have developed myself a lot since than and my self confidence has grown. I am working out every day, eat healthy have a routine.
    But still don't have many friends because i find it hard to reach out to people and feel like everyone did already build their own social circle in which is no space for me.

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